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Helping a friend deside

BlackmothBlackmoth
edited March 2011 in General Banter
the situation is this. i've got a griend who has a boyfriend who lives in another country far away
in my own and her friends opinion he doesn't treat her verry well and she is aware of that.
but now she has goten a crush on one of my friends and he has one on her. and later today i'm suposed to meet her to talk cause she doesn't know what to do.. so i wanted to be prepared for a conversation like this anny good ideas ? what state shold my mind be in ?

Comments

  • GuyCGuyC Veteran
    edited March 2011
    Hi Blackmoth,

    I recommend letting other people sort out their personal issues, try to remain as neutral as possible. A love triange is bad enough, don't let it turn into a love square.

    Don't bring up the subject, but, if your male friend asks you if he thinks he should go after another man's girlfriend...well...if it was my friend I would say "that doesn't sound like a very good idea" and leave it at that. If your female friend asks you if she should break up with her boyfriend tell her "that is your decision". It could be that if she does talk to you, she doesn't want your advice, she probably just wants someone to listen to her.

    The best way to prepare for any conversation is to "keep a cool head and a warm heart".

    Metta,

    Guy
  • beingbeing Veteran
    funny, how wrong we can interpret a situation, if we don't really pay attention to what we're reading. x)

  • sndymornsndymorn Veteran
    "Think not to guide the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, will guide your course."
    (I hope this isn't Deserterata(?) I am quoting...but I think it is)
  • ZaylZayl Veteran
    Funnily enough, it is always best to stay completely out of it and let them work it out on their own. I always get very resentful when people offer advice on my relationships.
  • compassionate_warriorcompassionate_warrior Veteran
    Blackmoth--I'm anwering you via PM.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    I'm going to stick my neck out and go against the prevailing tide.
    Your friend has a crush on another guy why? Because the primary relationship isn't working out. Not to mention the fact that her guy isn't even around, but you say she's aware that he's not good for her, sounds like there may be an emotionally abusive aspect to the relationship in some way. Women can get stuck in unsatisfactory relationships for reasons I can't really fathom. You'd be doing her a great favor to help her get clarity over this. Then she can make a decision herself. She deserves to be happy. Pining over a guy in another country (who may or may not have a girlfriend there), a guy who doesn't treat her well, no less, isn't going to get her happiness. My opinion is that the compassionate thing to do would be to help her see that.
  • patbbpatbb Veteran
    tell her to not worry about any of the problems (how am i going to tell him this or whatever problem she may think)
    and to simply "follow your heart."
  • compassionate_warriorcompassionate_warrior Veteran
    "follow your heart."
    Short, sweet, and to the point. This one has my vote.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    B'moth, please give us an update to this, when appropriate.
  • StaticToyboxStaticToybox Veteran
    I'm going to stick my neck out and go against the prevailing tide.
    Your friend has a crush on another guy why? Because the primary relationship isn't working out. Not to mention the fact that her guy isn't even around, but you say she's aware that he's not good for her, sounds like there may be an emotionally abusive aspect to the relationship in some way. Women can get stuck in unsatisfactory relationships for reasons I can't really fathom. You'd be doing her a great favor to help her get clarity over this. Then she can make a decision herself. She deserves to be happy. Pining over a guy in another country (who may or may not have a girlfriend there), a guy who doesn't treat her well, no less, isn't going to get her happiness. My opinion is that the compassionate thing to do would be to help her see that.
    I'm inclined to agree here.
  • BlackmothBlackmoth
    thanks for your help everyone :).. whe never got to talk about it since her mood had changed when i met her but i'll ceep all of this in mind if the time comes :)
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    Her mood had changed, but I bet she still has a crush on your other friend. They should both feel ok about going ahead, but she should get clear in her mind about the foreign guy first, and write him a letter saying the relationship's over and why (it wasn't working for her, NOT that she's found someone else).
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