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What to say when friends & family question your beliefs.
vlrox
Explorer
So my family is all Pentecostals Christians. They are being very rude & judgemental of my buddhist path. What do i say for short as to why i am not christian? without going into detail. they keep making jokes, rude comments, and being hateful. ugh. help!!
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Comments
Just be human. You know with feelings, thoughts, and such.
2. Is that how good Christians behave?
3. The saying "do unto others" ... What does it mean?
I would just be teasingly, mildly rude back and point out the many shortcomings of Christian faith. I mean come on christians being judgemental of another path thats like throwing glas in a stonehouse.
Just trash em good a couple of times. It is not like you will ever run out of ammo...
/Victor
I find it best to not even bring up my practice; after all, talking about it isn't part of the practice!
Some day, down the road, you may feel confident enough, (and they may be open minded enough) to talk about your beliefs rationally and respectfully.
But until that time... Keep that topic off the table.
This is what worked for me way back when I left Catholicism behind and chose Paganism. One of the best things I did when I felt it was time to discuss it, was copied several pages of information off the internet explaining my "new religion" in simple terms, and gave it to my mother. She read it and several days later we talked it over - briefly. She was so relieved to know I wasn't involved with "Devil worship" that it really wasn't an issue after that.
As for jokes and rude comments, just walk away and don't let that get under your skin.
They will get bored with it if they get no real reaction....
They obviously have closed minds, so try & cultivate compassion 4 them if possible. A closed mind is rarely a content & happy person ...
Cheers
http://www.thezensite.com/non_Zen/Was_Jesus_Buddhist.html
http://wendymccaig.com/2011/02/20/learning-to-be-christian-from-the-dalai-lama/
Cheers
If any individual continues to belittle your choices after you've responded this way a half-dozen times or so, simply ignore it or change the subject. Avoid the temptation to debate them. If you can't avoid the temptation, disengage from the context where they do it (hide their facebook communications, stop attending family gatherings where it happens, etc.) If anyone asks why you've done this, explain the pain you're experiencing, again without any hint of blaming others.
If you explain why you're not Christian or attack them for their unchristian ways, you're just setting yourself up for a pointless debate.
And I did stop communicating... about 2 weeks later she apologized, I forgave her of course, and now we communicate without the preaching... we agreed to not talk about religion.
I'm not recommending cutting off communications with your family, but this is how it panned out for me.
"I do not want to talk about my spirituality at this time".
That's it. No further explanation needed. Think of it as discussing something else personal or intimate- like your sex life.
It's really no one's business!
And no one has the right to badger you about it.
As for facebook, simply delete rude or snide comments from your own page, no rebuttal, no response at all. Just delete and forget it.
Resist giving them any opportunity to make snide remarks (about your spiritual choice) anywhere else. Don't comment at all when it comes to prayer or healing circles, wishes, etc.
If you can't resist saying something, then simply say "So sorry..." or something to that effect. Don't set yourself up for the rude comments.
It might feel like stretching into make-believe to say, 'May this person who is driving me crazy enjoy happiness and be free from suffering.' Probably what we genuinely feel is anger. This practice is like a workout that stretches the heart beyond its current capabilities. we can expect to encounter resistance. We discover that we have our limits: we can stay open to some people but we remain closed to others. We see both our clarity and our confusion. We are learning first-hand what everyone who has ever set out on this path has learned: We are all a paradoxical bundle of rich potential that consists of both neurosis and wisdom.
And then question your beliefs deeply, with or without their involvement.
Dont be precious about your beliefs like they most probably are about theirs;
This may make some peace. Which, after all, is all you can do.
Namaste
Maybe they'll realize what they're doing, maybe not. It's up to them. Don't avoid them after that, but the next time, if they launch into the same behavior, repeat "Sorry, won't stand for you talking to me like that" and leave again. How long until they get the message?
You give them permission to treat you with less than respect, by standing there and letting them. Of course they wouldn't put up with you talking trash about their religion.
http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Buddhism/2000/02/Jesus-And-Buddha-As-Brothers.aspx
Cheers
Yes, you're right - we are all alike in that we each want 2 experience happiness & we don't wish 2 experience suffering ...
Our differences are rather insignificant UNLESS we focus on them!
Best of luck with your practice & dealing with anyone who doesn't agree with you.
Namaste
To avoid confrontation, when someone needs prayers I simply say "I'm sending positive thoughts your way".
The subject of buddhism arose recently at a family get together after the Dalai Lama visited England and general feeling was that buddhism is "weird" and "odd". I calmly asked what specifically people had a problem with. The 4 noble truths? The 8-fold path? The precepts? The answer I got was "eerrr...All of it." followed by a quick change of subject.
If they'd have asked about it I'd have happily explained but if people aren't ready to listen I'm perfectly happy not talking about it. I certainly wouldn't resort to criticizing christianity (or any religion for that matter), that would be all too easy.
/Victor
it is wrong to say there is no secret handshake and
it is wrong to say there both is a secret handshake and no secret handshake and
it is wrong to say there is neither a secret handshake nor no secret handshake
so I aint saying nuffing mister.
/Victor
Leave it at that.
But it's advisable to think ahead on what your response is going to be, because when it happens, your emotions get in the way of correct action. Something fundamental to what you are is under attack. That means you are under attack. If it's someone you think of as a friend or family, you feel hurt and betrayed. You want to argue and lash out in return, or you sit there and take it, internalizing the anger.
It's a no-win situation. Attacking the person in return, saying something witty and cutting or giving them a piece of your mind for their rude, ignorant behavior makes you feel good, but doesn't help. The person you're giving a taste of their own medicine won't see it as deserved. They'll think, "Boy those Buddhists are a touchy bunch. They can't stand to have their unGodly heathen beliefs challenged. Good thing I'm not like that." See, if the person rude enough to make fun of or criticize your beliefs was capable of seeing themselves in a mirror, they wouldn't be telling you that you're going to Hell to begin with.
Best to just let them know they're being rude and walk away. It's the Buddhist thing to do.
i love you guys, so very very much
I have studied/been a buddhist for years now, however never reallly talked about it to my family and recently i have been more open and comfortable and yeah it is just so immature how they are acting. Typical christian.
For example, @Zero...I was going to 'LOL' your post, and leave it at that,
but I'll go ahead and present you with the 'challenge' of arguing with me.