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Worldliness
Most of us are conditioned by society to seek success, fame, wealth, status, and so on. By a certain age, we have to be well educated. Or married. Or be in a nice position, careerwise. And so on. So even if one doesn't care for these things, the people around you will act in such a way that you'd wish you had these things - lots of money, friends etc. etc.
How to deal with this?
How to deal with this?
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Comments
It's either "the world" or "peace", and you have to decide which is more important to you. As they say you can't have your cake and eat it too! You'll have to deal with some ridicule if you turn away from worldly things, but if you think it's worth it to turn away from the world... then by all means do so. If you're not really sure, and it would seem you're not (or this question wouldn't come up), then I'd suggest just keep an open mind and keep investigating this life to see what's ultimately going to be satisfactory to you.
If you do not see the return of your investment then there may as well be no return.
Dont wish - do.
Live the peaceful life you seek rather than wishing it.
There has never been someone who was fully blamed by all beings.
We will all (have) receive(d) our fair shares of praise and blame.
You know, I find the dharma on the inside part is pretty easy and have done for a while. I am not a level ten Buddhist or anything that good, but I get by on my smattering of dharma wisdom and practice.
But on the outside - in the world of consumption and fakery and distortion - it is all dukka and it is always commin' right at us.
A few years ago I was talking to my older and wiser cousin about this exact issue and he told me his answer, and it does help and has helped me, and that is, in this worldly world, you just got to Play The Game.
I'm going to be vague, but let me very briefly outline my story. Early in life I decided I wanted to be...well, for wont of a better phrase...a "single man". I was mostly happy with that decision through my 20s, 30s, 40s, and early 50s. Then in my mid-50s, I was...well, let's say adopted by a young man and his wife as their "pa". A whole new world opened up for me...life was the best (by far) that it had ever been. And then, after about 5 years, it was all taken away. Now I find myself rather dissatisfied with my life, and find myself looking back and often thinking "what if". It's the old "if I had to do it all over again" story...and if I did I would choose a more standard life.
If it helps, I know lots of utterly miserable standard people saying if they could do it again they would do it different.
How can you renounce attachment to a lfe you never had?
And as for "do it now", no, too late in terms of age and health.
If all we have is the present, then spending emotional energy playing the "what if" game is a waste of that energy. It doesn't mean we can't learn lessons, but if we don't want our decisions to continue being an energy sink, then we should leave the past in the past.
Instead of trying to stop the "what if" game outright, I have started playing the "what if" game with things I don't want instead of my desired outcome. For instance, my friend fell asleep on the freeway driving 84mph. He hit the guardrail and damaged his car along the entire left side. He was really distraught by the whole situation, the money, how his parents would react (they are super critical of him), etc. He said he was feeling tired and was going to stop at the next rest stop (turns out it was just 1 mile ahead). So he started to beat himself up with his "what ifs". What if there was no guardrail? What if he killed himself? What if he had killed somebody else? What if aliens had come and abducted him before he fell asleep? Any number of things could have been different and some are much better and some much worse. Its the comparison between the actual outcome vs a hypothetical outcome that colors our judgement as more positive or negative.
When I started to play the what if game in all directions (especially in the absurd direction), I realized how pointless what ifs really are and the what ifs thoughts lessened, because it provided me nothing to use NOW. Nothing different is going to happen for that moment, EVER. All we can do is take our lessons, save them, and be sure to use them to the best of our ability in a future present moment.
@music, my unsolicited advice to you would be to explore this uncomfortable area (challenge yourself), you may find it suits you more than you expect. You will find others along the path that are also receiving judgement from others (find acceptance through them). Finally, don't waste this moment-this life-wishing for something (be it in the past, present, or future). Take action to make it happen or abandon the desire.
I guess what I would advocate is that it would be nice, and sometimes and somewhat possible, if we would play the "what if" game early on, rather than later. In fact, that might be akin to "right thought".
I was chatting to a friend about dimensions - we were discussing them in terms of 'choices'... I suppose a more mathematical way of considering the issue - we were pondering the overall dimension arc (so say you choose to eat cheese - there are consequences - these say start at delicious cheese and say end in heart attack from high cholesterol) - there are a myriad of points along that arc...
So in a sense, just because one eats cheese, it is not certain that a heart attack will occur - it is just a possibility along that particular dimension.
Now considering an 'eat cheese' dimension and a 'dont eat cheese' dimension side by side - there will be periods where the dimensions may be inclusive and periods where they shall be exclusive - some shared effects and some unshared effects.
Imagine a point where you step off the 'eat cheese' dimension and step into the 'dont eat cheese' dimension - just because you're now in the 'dont eat' category, it doesnt necessarily follow that the effects of 'do eat' are negated - that said, you're now in the 'don't eat' dimension so if the 'do eat' effects follow then they should also be within the parameters of the 'don't eat' dimension.
Where I'm going with this is that you may well be in the same place now as you may have been if you followed the standard model - you'll never know as you chose a different dimension - that however does not necessary mean that the effects of your unchosen choices are forever lost to you.
Perhaps it is just a matter of perspective.
I hope you resolve your dissatisfaction.
I've always been more concerned with freedom.
You know, I think it's hard for even some monks these days to live a totally unworldly life, because there is really just a lot of stuff around! Satellite TV, video games, newspapers, magazines; we [humans] flex and grind the worldly elements into all sorts of stuff these days. Some desperate times we're living in. Soon every junk pile will be full of iPhones and gizmos, imagine someone puts a cellular phone in your alms bowl..
But, you know, people will tell you that the shoes you wear are out of fashion and that you need blue shoes, or you might just hear someone's words say "buy a house get a wife and a golden retriever and be happy" but they might be just as uncertain about how the whole "happiness and permanence" aspect of it plays out as well.
Either way, in the blink of an eye you end up where you are, whether you have the 7 years of dog-catching-frisbee memories or some other way of living. ( Or lives stretching back to beginningless time, doing similar activities with similar levels of satisfaction, again and again. )
Sometimes I conceive of myself as having two distinct personas: a 'used-to-it' side and a 'spiritual' side, but really, are these separate? I'm just trying to be a better person, even before I had a 'spiritual side' I still had preferences, what I'd like to eat, what I'd like to do, what kind of job I'd like to have.. If you're cool with a simple life and a quiet cup of tea then that's awesome! If not, still awesome! Because you can live whatever kind of life you'd like, and there's no reason to judge those that live it differently. Especially if they're uninterested in seeking a wiser way (you know, takes time, conditions gotta be ripe)
On the one hand, if you are feeling out-of-place because all your friends do is talk about buying cars and "being somebody" (whatever in the world that could possibly mean), don't fret, you're not alone in that. Over the summer I went to visit family in a small European country and many people there just WISH WISH WISH they could come to the US to make "lots of money" because the streets are made of gold and dancing girls follow you around...
But of course, when I told friends that it's busy, people are blinded by the necessity of a "career" and status, when I said that many people in Small European Country Lush With Nature lived much happier lives some people didn't get it at all.
But, a lot of people did! Much more mature cultures understand that the quality of life is far more valuable than the outside appearance of a life any day
Here in the states, where things are shiny, and the noisiest of messages (on media and TV) are advertisements saying "this equals happiness!" certainly tends to throw people off balance I think. But that stuff thrives because people enjoy buying into the fiction, it's comfortable and well-established, but that doesn't mean it's the best way of looking at things.
One thing you said sticks out though, The key to empowerment is knowing that it's always your choice
haha just kidding you :nyah:
I haven't really thought about right thought in that manner, but I think you are right. I can even see using all parts of the 8-fold noble path to help.
@songhill
could U please bring up in another thread 'Vattupama sutta and Anumana sutta' for discussion
no doubt it would help all of us a great deal to lead our day today life
thanks in advance
Do you have a sangha that you meet with regularly? Maybe you can garner some strength from them?
Good luck!
Practice helps to make all of this less upsetting. Some days, it's my turn to be weird. Some days, it's yours. It's not really all that weird, do you think?