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My mind is fighting my mind
When I am in meditation focusing on my breath, often times when I notice I have a thought, my mind says "NO! BAD Thought!" and tries to forcefully concentrate on my breath. It is as if my mind is taking it way too seriously, and at times it can be very stressful. My mind does this same self-judgment throughout my normal day. I know they say that the best way to be enlightened is to "lighten-up" and I think there's a lot of truth to that. I have also been experiencing stomach/digestive problems which I am certain are related to my mind fighting against itself, as I can feel unpleasant physical symptoms when this happens. Any advice on what to do about this? At times it just seems so hard to observe my mind without identifying with it. It seems like I am either identifying with my monkey-mind, or resisting and fighting the monkey-mind. It's hard to find a centered balance where I can watch my thoughts without attaching to them OR judging them.
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So you cannot add another layer of samsara 'bad judging'. Rather when you have judgements just note 'that is a judgement, it hurts my heart' and from that point feel your heart and then feel the breath.
But you cannot beat on yourself for beating on yourself. It's a tarpit and you just have to recognize judgemental thoughts as 'not you'. There is no obligation in meditation. Look at the heart sutra:
MA KA HAN NYA HA RA MIT TA SHIN GYO
Great Prajna Paramita Sutra
KAN JI ZAI BO SATSU GYO JIN HAN NYA HA RA MIT TA JI SHO KEN GO
Avalokitesvara bodhisattva practice deep prajna paramita when perceive five
UN KAI KU DO ISSAI KU YAKU
skandas all empty. relieve every suffering.
SHA RI SHI SHIKI FU I KU KU FU I SHIKI SHIKI
Sariputra, form not different (from) emptiness. Emptiness not different (from) form. Form
SOKU ZE KU KU SOKU ZE SHIKE JU SO GYO SHIKI YAKU
is the emptiness. Emptiness is the form. Sensation, thought, active substance, consciousness, also
BU NYO ZE
like this.
SHA RI SHI ZE SHO HO KU SO FU SHO FU METSU FU KU FU JO
Sariputra, this everything original character; not born, not annihilated not tainted, not pure,
FU ZO FU GEN ZE KO KU CHU MU SHIKI MU JU SO GYO
(does) not increase, (does) not decrease. Therefore in emptiness no form, no sensation, thought, active substance,
SHIKI MU GEN NI BI ZETS SHIN NI MU SHIKI SHO KO MI SOKU HO MU GEN
consciousness. No eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, mind; no color, sound, smell, taste, touch, object; no eye,
KAI NAI SHI MU I SHIKI KAI MU MU MYO YAKU MU MU MYO
world of eyes until we come to also no world of consciousness; no ignorance, also no ignorance
JIN NAI SHI MU RO SHI YAKU MU RO SHI JIN MU KU SHU
annihilation, until we come to no old age, death, also no old age, death, also no old age, death, annhilation of no suffering, cause of suffering,
METSU DO MU CHI YAKU MU TOKU I MU SHO TOK KO BO DAI SAT TA E
nirvana, path; no wisdom, also no attainment because of no attainment. Bodhisattva depends on
HAN NYA HA RA MIT TA KO SHIN MU KE GE MU KE GE KO MU U KU FU ON RI
prajna paramita because mind no obstacle. Because of no obstacle no exist fear; go beyond
I SSAI TEN DO MU SO KU GYO NE HAN SAN ZE SHO BUTSU E HAN
all (topsy-turvey views) attain Nirvana. Past, present and future every Buddha depend on prajna
NYA HA RA MIT TA KO TOKU A NOKU TA RA SAN MYAKU SAN BO DAI
paramita therefore attain supreme, perfect, enlightenment.
KO CHI HAN NYA HA RA MIT TA ZE DAI JIN SHU ZE DAI MYO SHU
Therefore I know Prajna paramita (is) the great holy mantram, the great untainted mantram,
ZE MU JO SHU ZE MU TO DO SHU NO JO IS SAI KU SHIN JITSU FU KO
the supreme mantram, the incomparable mantram. Is capable of assuaging all suffering. True not false.
KO SETSU HAN NYA HA PA MIT TA SHU SOKU SETSU SHU WATSU
Therefore he proclaimed Prajna paramita mantram and proclaimed mantram says
GYA TE GYA TE HA RA GYA TE HA RA SO GYA TE BO DHI SO WA KA
gone, gone, to the other shore gone, reach (go) enlightenment accomplish.
HAN NYA SHIN GYO
NEGA WA KU WA KO NO KU DO KU O MOTTE A MA NE KU ISSAI NI OYO
What we pray, this merit with universally all existence Pervade,
BO SHI WARE RA TO SHU JO TO MI NA TO MO NI BUTSUDO O JYO ZEN KO TO
we and sentient being all with Buddhism achieve
this (What I pray is that this merit pervade universally and we Buddhists and all sentient beings achieve
Buddhism.)
JI HO SAN SHI I SHI HU SHI SON BU SA MO KO SA
Ten directions past, present and future all Buddhas The world honoured one. Bodhisattva, great Bodhisattva,
MO KO HO JA HO RO MI
great Prajna-paramita.
Photo of Allen Ginsberg Copyright © 1995 Jeffrey Blankfort. Image from the CD-ROM "Haight-Ashbury in the Sixties".
Impermanence, not me or mine or self, and suffering/dissatisfaction.
Start to bring these into your experience as a way of looking that you can develop and practice.
They are tools that help with letting go and go profoundly deeper and deeper. Carve out the heart and mind with these insights.
A thought is just a thought. It isn't you, nor is it yours. End the push/pull by seeing its three marks. Allow dispassion to grow in you and feel the freedom of release.
See how a thought with clinging (aversion/attachment) build reality and solidity.
See how less clinging to thoughts bring about more freedom and less solidity.
Practice and contemplate. Many people know that everything is impermanent. But do they let that penetrate their hearts? Do they cultivate that insight which leads to freedom?
Remember a in thinking there are only thoughts, no thinker. A thought refers to nothing. A thought doesn't even refer to itself. Just one thought, gone, then another. There is no link other than inference. See this clearly. Then ask yourself where are thoughts? Where do they come from? Where do they go? What is perception like when thoughts condition consciousness? How do thoughts arise?
Have fun.
The 1st step in the case of the restless monkey mind is to get it to settle somewhat. Only when the mind is reasonably composed can it be used for gaining insights. The support for this is living a conducive moral lifestyle.
Perhaps you may want to experiment with moving your attention away from the content of your thoughts, and instead observe their effects.
The easiest way, imo, is by being mindful of the body. In addition to the breath, pay attention to tension and other sensations in the body. You will see it's a good way to get a window into your mind without getting caught up with its particular thoughts.
In a way, the body is more honest than the mind.
Many teachers emphasize mindfulness of the body, and Goenka, possibly the most prolific 10-day retreat teacher, takes it to the extreme degree.
The ego mind is a crafty devil, trying to make everything good or bad. Once we think "now I am a Buddhist" old Ego comes out to play labelling everything. He'll tell you "Buddhists shouldn't think during meditation", or "Buddhists shouldn't have feelings". Smile at his antics, and let what arises be. Thoughts are what they are. Feelings are what they are. Let them come and go.
"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" - Shakespeare
I'd suggest using simple one-word labels like "anxiety", "anger", "replaying" and "planning" - or just "thinking".
Just to add, meditation shoud not really be something so formal, like a chore or something you need to do. Just do it, be with whatever is happening at that moment in time and flow with it. Accept things for what they are and let things go, including thoughts. Do not cling to them or tell them to go away because that in itself is causing a different kind of clinging, a different kind of self. Just observe and try to see what is observing, what is going on up there in that noodle of yours.
I can't say. By the time you try to pin it down, it is gone.
'If you can come from a place of kindness, you can be unjudgemental towards thoughts. If you can do that, thoughts will often naturally settle, if not you can use some other techniques, but first and foremost, be kind.'
And think it very good advice, I actually think metta meditation is rather like trying to lift oneself up by one's shoelaces, and can be counterproductive. I myself tried it some years back and found it impossible to just 'feel loving kindness for others' to order. Love doesn't work like that, and I am glad that it doesn't.
Respectfully, I would advise considering how you can be useful to the people around you, rather than trying in an abstract way to feel love. As the song goes, 'love is a doing word'.
This is the Metta sutta. It is not a meditation technique; as far as I know, metta meditation was invented by Buddhagosa in the Visuddhimagga, and is not one of the Buddha's teachings. http://www.noble-buddhism-beliefs.com/metta-sutta.html
And it is not a later development, it is a method from the suttas that is also mentioned in the anapanasati sutta amongst other methods. So let clearview find out for himself what helps and what not.
That's not how I read the anapanasati sutta. Yes, absolutely. You have given your suggestions and I have given mine.
Even if it's unpopular or unorthodox, I have to speak in line with what I have confirmed through experience, as the Buddha taught.
I don't know
My tendency is to just sit.
Mind wanders, bring it back to the breath occasionally.
Thoughts or bad thoughts arise.
Noted.
Find a good thought.
Work with the tendencies of the mind.
Fill it with mantra or use a mindfulness bell.
If possible find the softness in the breath. Almost as if there is a second channel of air that breathes within the breath.
Don't force the monkey, it will wriggle.
Play with it . . .