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Overwhelmed
I was wondering how some of you cope with being overwhelmed, in our modern life things can be confusing and overly complicated. The last several years of my life involved lots of nights I'll never remember and lots of decisions I can't undo. The longer I have stayed sober the more turbulant my life has become. I am under no illusion self pity is a step in the right direction and would like some more input that might help me move from the occasional self pity to personal development. Without getting into details about my personal life am a new to following this path and don't have a "home group" of other followers of the path, being as I'm not quite an "open" person. Any help would be appreciated.
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Comments
lots of water
sufficient sleep
regular exercise
friends
family
hobbies
mindfulness
We all have our realm to practice in and from. My prayers and practice today, will be dedicated to you and those battling overwhelming situations. May we all know peace . . . :om:
But when it is very dark they become distorted. When you feel compassion you feel the hurt and the pain and how difficult some situation is. Overwhelm is when the love power is distorted and you end up feeling disempowered. Karuna should make you empowered because you feel love for that person and want to give to them.
I think you can work on karuna as a mind training. Think of some loved ones and consider all the pain they are in. Breath it in. There is no rigid rule so you find your own way in practicing karuna to others.
Metta meditation is more popular but karuna, mudita (seeing joy and beauty), and equinimity are other practices that are all quite powerful.
So with experimentation you can see at what point karuna gets overwhelming. By working with situations that are manageable you can get practice and experience in the sending and feeling of karuna - feeling another's pain.
Actually feeling anothers pain can be a good feeling of bliss. Because our ordinary small, petty, and claustrophobic self considers another being and loves them.
So to boil it down, you (we) are not the only ones. This is universal and it has to do with love and cherishing and warmth and peace. We can develope karuna with practice.
Sometimes I feel very stuck and hopeless
I try to be mindful and compassionate to myself when I feel like that.
Being present stops me from blowing things out of proportion and being kind helps me to self soothe(which is what we try to do with our addictions)
I also try to focus on self acceptance instead of self improvement
In my experience these techniques work 60% of the time.... Every time!
Good luck
How do I start? Well, from my own experience I can really relate to the lost nights through abusing alcohol; waking up in the morning with no memory of how I got to bed or how I behaved the prior evening. It's not nice, but I found another drink sorted that out.
I also have many many regrets; during my drinking I wrecked a 17 year career in the military, walked out on a wife and two children and even my own mother disowned me; for ten years I never knew if she was alive or dead.
Yes, I understand what it's like to lead a turbulent life; my finances were in disarray, I was getting chased by bailiffs, I had terrible personal relationships, and inside I was extremely anxious. Mornings always seemed to be worse. And if I wasn't drinking I was thinking about drinking; it was like I wasn't feeling 'right' and a little voice in my head kept on saying "Tosh, a drink would sort that out, a drink would sort that out!", and I would drink, and once I drank one I always had to finish the job; I could never stop with just one-or-two drinks.
I can really relate to your post!
So, close to suicide I ended up in alcoholics anonymous. There I found drinking wasn't my problem, drinking was my SOLUTION to the real problem, which was how I felt when I was stone cold sober.
It also showed me a spiritual path - which is very 'Buddhist' - which really did remove the drinking problem. It's been a few years since I've last had a drink and my life is certainly less turbulent.
You know Step 1 of A.A.'s 12 Step program says "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable."
Notice the word 'unmanageable' at the end of Step 1; that is what you mean by 'turbulent'. Our world is a reflection of what's happening on the inside; if our feelings and our emotions are unmanageable, our external World will normally follow suit.
In A.A. we call it an 'inside job', we treat the problem at the source - the inside - and the external stuff sorts it self out too.
I don't know if you're an alkie or not, I could be waaaaaaay off the mark here, so if I am, apologies.
Regards
Tosh
And then we join A.A. and many of us are overjoyed to find out that we're alcoholics! That makes me smile! But if we don't understand what the problem is, we won't find a solution to it. For anyone experiencing problems with alcohol, I found a solution in A.A..
I am fairly certain this post didn't make as much sense as I had intended it too...
thank you all for the input so far
it makes sense
You don't have to explain. Like all of us, you have to take responsibility for the cause, which you have done and implement a plan of practice. Already your behaviour is changing as you acknowledge. Being patient, kind and compassionate with ourselves is hard. I am always inspired and grateful for others efforts. Thank you.
I so get where you are. I fell off the "pink cloud" at about 18 months sober and spent a while believing that somehow I wasn't working the program properly. Though I wasn't drinking I wasn't coping with life and often felt overwhelmed.
Please bear in mind what I'm about to say is not a suggestion, just my story. After a 10 day silent retreat I realised I had run my course with AA. I'm grateful for all I learned there and the support of the fellowship, but my mind was a mess and something had to be done about it. Someone posted here that AA changes your actions, and practice changes your mind. Couldn't agree more. So I decided to devote myself to meditation and investigating the Dharma.
So I have addictive tendencies, right? For once I have put them to good use by turning them towards something positive. I read dharma books, listen to teachings, have become part of a sangha, meditate daily and generally try and immerse myself in learning.
What I have found really helps is integration, taking the three aspects of shamatha, mindfulness, awareness and calm abiding beyond daily meditation and into everything I do. Now I notice when I'm catastrophising, when I'm projecting a future, when I'm having negative thoughts and I understand how they shape my view. I see how self centred I am. I spent a bit of time watching my breath and becoming present again and deal with what's happening right now. It's bit like the next suggested thing in AA parlance. When things get tough I remember to include loving kindness practice in daily meditation, for myself first, then others.
You say you're not an open person, I understand, neither was I. I just know I have to try something different to what I've always done, even if it means putting myself in situations out of my comfort zone.
May you be happy, may you be well