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I think my boss dislikes me, any advice???

I have a fairly new job and I think my boss thinks I'm a bad worker because I smile a lot and have a random positivity about me and I think he likes major seriousness at work. anyway, without talking to me about it he just randomly separated me from everyone in the office into a corner. hahahah it's like I'm in time out! ahhh but I'm taking it so hard cause I'm misunderstood and I like being friends with my coworkers but he seems to be the type to have strictly business and such. Okay and I HARDLY even talk to others but when we do talk we laugh and I think since I'm the newest he thinks I'm stirring up trouble??? I LOVE the work and I'm very dedicated but I also like human connection! I was hoping to advance with this job and get to travel etc... and not even be in the office, but I'm afraid I've blown it cause I'm not serious acting enough! I'll just be in this corner all my life! LOL ahh and he's very emotional detached...very quiet I feel like if I tried to explain to him how much i care about the job then he'd take it like I was being emotional and use that against me. If only he knew how much I cared! anyway, any advice???

Comments

  • Just do your job and don't worry. He might not even be thinking all of these, but then I don't want to discount your intuition. It would be a good thing if each worker and boss knew that they could count on each other. And also knew that each was dedicated to the work. Maybe the opportunity to talk about that will come up.

    But I'd say just stay in your body and do the work and don't get too much in the head making up too many scenarios. That being said it's possible that there is a problem like you are intuiting. If so then still just do your work and 'what will be will be' K sera sera sera..
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    Give it time. Do your best to abide by what he wants, and once you have more time to show what work you produce, there's a good chance he'll lighten up a bit and realize that you can still do the work and be happy and social.
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    The boss is the boss, and he's the one who assures you get a paycheck. You're working for him.
    ZeroBrian
  • Hey it seems there is A LOT of speculation on your part here, you think this or assume that. If you are happy and smiley naturally then keep going and carry on as you normally would, maybe your boss has been so stuck into the status of boss for such a long time, he has adopted this stern, non emotional side to him. I have seen many people like this in high status positions.

    If you just get on with things and remain your natural self, people will soon accept you for who you are and if your work is fine then your boss has nothing to be angry or disappointed about, well with regards to you anyway.
    JeffreyBunks
  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    Bake the dude some cookies. That always melts the heart.
    DaltheJigsaw
  • yeah this is true...I'm feel a lot more reassured, atleast seeing the another side to things... thanks everyone! I think my good work will eventually be the determining factor here, cause I'm still the new kid... and gotta prove myself!

    and I don't know Nevermind... I think that's the type of things which makes him not like me! isn't that weird??? He doesn't like anything that's not business. doing a nice thing like making cookies that would just make him uneasy with me! but if someone gave me cookies I'd be so happy. hehehe
  • DaltheJigsawDaltheJigsaw Mountain View Veteran
    evolve said:

    I have a fairly new job and I think my boss thinks I'm a bad worker because I smile a lot and have a random positivity about me and I think he likes major seriousness at work. anyway, without talking to me about it he just randomly separated me from everyone in the office into a corner. hahahah it's like I'm in time out! ahhh but I'm taking it so hard cause I'm misunderstood and I like being friends with my coworkers but he seems to be the type to have strictly business and such. Okay and I HARDLY even talk to others but when we do talk we laugh and I think since I'm the newest he thinks I'm stirring up trouble??? I LOVE the work and I'm very dedicated but I also like human connection! I was hoping to advance with this job and get to travel etc... and not even be in the office, but I'm afraid I've blown it cause I'm not serious acting enough! I'll just be in this corner all my life! LOL ahh and he's very emotional detached...very quiet I feel like if I tried to explain to him how much i care about the job then he'd take it like I was being emotional and use that against me. If only he knew how much I cared! anyway, any advice???

    Where you work and what do you do? Take that into account for how you do your job, or how your boss responds to you. Does that make sense?
  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    According to the theory of cognitive dissonance, your boss might actually like you better if he gave you cookies. So if there's any way to work a situation where he does you a favor, it could help.

    People generally rationalize doing favors for others subconsciously by changing their beliefs about them. Basically on a subconscious level it's like, 'I must like them because I did them a favor for no good reason'.
  • OP, you can clarify things when you have a performance evaluation. That's your opportunity to ask questions as well as your boss' opp'ty to give you feedback. Just do your job, and see if your boss notices.

    Wow, you sound like someone who would be fun to work with. You sound like someone who would naturally help keep morale up around the office. Sometimes these things are a matter of fitting in to the office "culture". So if he's set up a quiet, serious ambience, then take your cue from his leadership. You can fulfill your need for connection by inviting co-workers to lunch, and letting off steam at lunch.
  • Bring him a coffee?
    sova
  • hey.. Nevermind..I think you're right! I've noticed that with myself actually...I do something nice to someone who I might not particularly like and then I like them! or...if they say something to me like "you're cool or nice" or something then I'm like, Oh we've got a good connection! haha..
    and thanks Dakini... that's what I generally do, when we go out I'm able to REALLY let myself loose hahaha. so in the office I'll just balance it out..in time he'll see my true colors.
    so, coffee & cookies?? ...I wish I was a boss, I could be strict and get coffee & cookies all day :cool: hehehe
  • misecmisc1misecmisc1 I am a Hindu India Veteran
    edited February 2013
    give some time and do your work properly. circumstances change, people change. if these do not change for a significantly long time, then ask in your organization for a change of boss (depending on which type of organization you work with ) and if that is not possible, change your organization - but before doing that, make sure most of the wrong part is in your boss and your organization's helplessness to get you reported to a different boss - but if you find most of the wrong part is in your working, then just change your way of working.
  • Hi, I would not bring him cookies nor coffee (that would just be going against the flow, IMO). However, I would look for an opportunity to involve him into what you are doing. If you have some doubt about your tasks, or some interesting idea, if possible try talking to him about it (either in his office, or at the coffee machine). Give him a good opportunity to see that there is a lot more going on in your head than cheerfulness.
    Dakini
  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator
    I read a quote once that I totally believe. "All the people and events in your life are there because you have drawn them to you. What you choose to do with them is up to you." It goes in line with the idea that all people we encounter are our teachers. That means your boss is there to teach you something. But you are also there to teach him something. Keep your eyes open for the opportunity from both directions.
    DandelionDaltheJigsaw
  • I guess tongue-in-cheek doesn't translate well to text, hey? XD Silly me.
    DaltheJigsaw
  • evolve said:

    I have a fairly new job and I think my boss thinks I'm a bad worker because I smile a lot and have a random positivity about me and I think he likes major seriousness at work. anyway, without talking to me about it he just randomly separated me from everyone in the office into a corner. hahahah it's like I'm in time out! ahhh but I'm taking it so hard cause I'm misunderstood and I like being friends with my coworkers but he seems to be the type to have strictly business and such. Okay and I HARDLY even talk to others but when we do talk we laugh and I think since I'm the newest he thinks I'm stirring up trouble??? I LOVE the work and I'm very dedicated but I also like human connection! I was hoping to advance with this job and get to travel etc... and not even be in the office, but I'm afraid I've blown it cause I'm not serious acting enough! I'll just be in this corner all my life! LOL ahh and he's very emotional detached...very quiet I feel like if I tried to explain to him how much i care about the job then he'd take it like I was being emotional and use that against me. If only he knew how much I cared! anyway, any advice???

    It's your boss democratic right. Just keep your Buddha nature and hopes it rubs senses into him. Otherwise, like Rhett Buttler said, 'Don't give a damn' and let the matter goes with the wind.
  • GuiGui Veteran
    any advice?
    Just work.
    If you think the problem might be that you crave attention and enjoy being misunderstood, then perhaps this job isn't for you.
    vinlyn
  • sovasova delocalized fractyllic harmonizing Veteran
    positivity in the "office" space is good and should be encouraged! =)

    you are probably just a different flavor of awesome than what they are used to..

    i have found visualization to be very helpful -- imagining people i know in perfect equipoise and peaceful contentment -- hearts and minds of glowing sunshine.

    a smile is more powerful than 10,000 arguments
  • "Nothing reduces the odds against you like ignoring them." ~Robert Brault
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Ignore your boss?

    There's a recipe for a pink slip.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    Time for an update from the OP.
  • Ignore your boss?
    ignore the dislike, not the boss
    the boss and the situation is not at odds . . .
  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    Dakini said:

    Time for an update from the OP.

    We don't need her to solve her problem.
    :p
    lobster
  • SephSeph Veteran
    evolve said:

    I have a fairly new job and I think my boss thinks I'm a bad worker because I smile a lot and have a random positivity about me and I think he likes major seriousness at work. anyway, without talking to me about it he just randomly separated me from everyone in the office into a corner. hahahah it's like I'm in time out! ahhh but I'm taking it so hard cause I'm misunderstood and I like being friends with my coworkers but he seems to be the type to have strictly business and such. Okay and I HARDLY even talk to others but when we do talk we laugh and I think since I'm the newest he thinks I'm stirring up trouble??? I LOVE the work and I'm very dedicated but I also like human connection! I was hoping to advance with this job and get to travel etc... and not even be in the office, but I'm afraid I've blown it cause I'm not serious acting enough! I'll just be in this corner all my life! LOL ahh and he's very emotional detached...very quiet I feel like if I tried to explain to him how much i care about the job then he'd take it like I was being emotional and use that against me. If only he knew how much I cared! anyway, any advice???

    My boss doesn't like me either. (If fact there have been times I've kept notes to support what I imaged could have amounted to wrongful dismissal... but it's been over 2 years so... maybe it's partially an overactive imagination).

    Ultimately, do your job. Period.
    It's great that everyone at work gets along with one another, but ultimately, work IS NOT a social club. They don't have to like you.
    vinlyn
  • evolveevolve Explorer
    hey thanks for the responses! ...sometimes I just assume a friendship is there even if it's with a boss. I might have sounded all outgoing and ready for a fun time (or whatever) but I'm really quiet and can have self doubt sometimes (hence this original post...) and I want to be friends with everyone (most everyone) ..my bosses in the past have been more of a friend than a "boss" same with my parents or any other authority figure. maybe now that I have a real boss I'm beginning to see a bit of the real world or something, not everyone wants to be my friend on a mutual/equal level! and that's okay! I think I get overly happy when I have a connection or friendship with someone, but I realized it's okay to be the "worker" and not be friends with my boss, and just do my job. we can still have a respectful relationship.and there's always a chance for unconditional love, loving without needing a "thank you note" or anything in return. anyway, thanks everyone!
  • misecmisc1misecmisc1 I am a Hindu India Veteran
    love your work, not your boss, not your company - because you never know when your boss or your company may stop loving you.
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    evolve said:

    hey thanks for the responses! ...sometimes I just assume a friendship is there even if it's with a boss. I might have sounded all outgoing and ready for a fun time (or whatever) but I'm really quiet and can have self doubt sometimes (hence this original post...) and I want to be friends with everyone (most everyone) ..my bosses in the past have been more of a friend than a "boss" same with my parents or any other authority figure. maybe now that I have a real boss I'm beginning to see a bit of the real world or something, not everyone wants to be my friend on a mutual/equal level! and that's okay! I think I get overly happy when I have a connection or friendship with someone, but I realized it's okay to be the "worker" and not be friends with my boss, and just do my job. we can still have a respectful relationship.and there's always a chance for unconditional love, loving without needing a "thank you note" or anything in return. anyway, thanks everyone!

    "By jove, I think she's got it!"

    Out of roughly 52 middle and high school principals in my district, I was -- perhaps -- the nicest. So nice that when our school's union rep once called the union about me, the union actually responded to the teacher by saying, "If you can't get along with Vince Lynch, then what principal could you possibly get along with?"

    But I have kept up with things in my old school since I retired, and I can see that there were ways in which I wasn't "boss" enough. For example, the couple of teachers who made the lives of other teachers miserable because they had an attitude. I should have been the boss, rather than the nice guy, and solved those issues. It was kinda funny how several teachers who didn't really like me, later contacted me and told me what a good "boss" I was. Translation, I was nicer than my successor.

    Your boss may or may not be a good boss. There are plenty of lousy bosses (and lousy principals) out there. But it helpful to try to understand what he was hired to do, and perhaps even how he was instructed to accomplish those tasks.

  • He gotta act all stirn otherwise people in the office wont quiver in their boots and work extra hard to please him.

    Plus of its any consollation i fell asleep during my probation period and it took me a while to live up to her expectations but we are now on good terms and i know that the way she acts is just the way she is.

    I wouldnt fret over it. Keep up all the positivity.

    Peace out
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited March 2013
    I don't think it's good or even normal to expect to be friends with your boss. A good boss wouldn't allow a blurring of boundaries like that, because at some point it could himder him/her from doing her job and giving objective feedback on a performance evaluation, for example. But there's nothing wrong with being friendly with people, as long as you don't have an expectation that work relationships will become personal.
  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    Dakini said:

    I don't think it's good or even normal to expect to be friends with your boss. A good boss wouldn't allow a blurring of boundaries like that, because at some point it could himder him/her from doing her job and giving objective feedback on a performance evaluation, for example. But there's nothing wrong with being friendly with people, as long as you don't have an expectation that work relationships will become personal.

    It might be argued that by performing poorly you are letting down a friend. Or, if you're friends with the boss deeper collaboration can result.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    If you're performing poorly, you're shooting yourself in the foot. Unless you don't like working at that place, and aren't interested in any opportunities for promotion.
  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    A boss is just as likely to perform poorly. I guess what I'm having trouble with is the thought that it's not good or normal to be friends with the boss. What is really behind that? or why does it have to be like that. Why can't we work together for mutual benefit, sharing resources fairly, instead of dog eat dog. Hey wait, I must be turning into a communist.
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Nevermind said:

    A boss is just as likely to perform poorly. I guess what I'm having trouble with is the thought that it's not good or normal to be friends with the boss. What is really behind that? or why does it have to be like that. Why can't we work together for mutual benefit, sharing resources fairly, instead of dog eat dog. Hey wait, I must be turning into a communist.

    If one can be friends with the boss, that's good. But it shouldn't be expected.

    And just because you're not friends with the boss doesn't mean it's dog-eat-dog. What's wrong with a positive professional relationship?

  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    I think what I may be suggesting is that what's behind something like a "professional relationship" is a lack of real collaboration for mutual benefit. The divide is there because of an inequality which favors the 'boss' position, and not because it is essential to the function of an organization.
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Nevermind said:

    I think what I may be suggesting is that what's behind something like a "professional relationship" is a lack of real collaboration for mutual benefit. The divide is there because of an inequality which favors the 'boss' position, and not because it is essential to the function of an organization.

    Someone has to make the hard decisions and determine direction in any organization. That doesn't negate the possibility of quality collaboration.

  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    Nevermind said:

    A boss is just as likely to perform poorly. I guess what I'm having trouble with is the thought that it's not good or normal to be friends with the boss. What is really behind that? or why does it have to be like that. Why can't we work together for mutual benefit, sharing resources fairly, instead of dog eat dog. Hey wait, I must be turning into a communist.

    It has nothing to do with dog eat dog. It's just about maintaining professional boundaries, for mutual benefit.

  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    @Nevermind, it just occurred to me that perhaps it's you -- "the worker" -- who has the us against them mentality.
  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    Dakini said:

    Nevermind said:

    A boss is just as likely to perform poorly. I guess what I'm having trouble with is the thought that it's not good or normal to be friends with the boss. What is really behind that? or why does it have to be like that. Why can't we work together for mutual benefit, sharing resources fairly, instead of dog eat dog. Hey wait, I must be turning into a communist.

    It has nothing to do with dog eat dog. It's just about maintaining professional boundaries, for mutual benefit.
    Really?

    Let me give an example. Say we go into some kind of business together. This situation would be a partnership, where expenses and income were transparent, and profits/losses shared fairly. So far so good. Now say we wanted to expand the business and that expansion required more work than we could do ourselves. Normally at this point we'd hire employees, rather than take on additional partners. Why employees instead of new partners?
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    Why, indeed?
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    edited March 2013
    Nevermind said:

    Dakini said:

    Nevermind said:

    A boss is just as likely to perform poorly. I guess what I'm having trouble with is the thought that it's not good or normal to be friends with the boss. What is really behind that? or why does it have to be like that. Why can't we work together for mutual benefit, sharing resources fairly, instead of dog eat dog. Hey wait, I must be turning into a communist.

    It has nothing to do with dog eat dog. It's just about maintaining professional boundaries, for mutual benefit.
    Really?

    Let me give an example. Say we go into some kind of business together. This situation would be a partnership, where expenses and income were transparent, and profits/losses shared fairly. So far so good. Now say we wanted to expand the business and that expansion required more work than we could do ourselves. Normally at this point we'd hire employees, rather than take on additional partners. Why employees instead of new partners?
    That is one business model. However, it's not most businesses.

    So, when you go job hunting do you turn down any job where you won't be an actual partner?

  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    vinlyn said:

    @Nevermind, it just occurred to me that perhaps it's you -- "the worker" -- who has the us against them mentality.

    How do you know I'm not an evil boss? :rarr:
  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    Dakini said:

    Why, indeed?

    So we hire employees instead of taking on new partners. Normally, they are hired for as low a pay rate as possible, pretty much whatever the market will bear, rather than what is fair. So at this point there is a level of inequality. This inequality creates the need for a "professional relationship," because the employee is seen as a resource rather than an equal. If after a time we find that the job can be outsourced, for instance, increasing profits by lowering the cost of labor, we can do that with relative comfort and ease because of the "professional relationship."
  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Nevermind said:

    vinlyn said:

    @Nevermind, it just occurred to me that perhaps it's you -- "the worker" -- who has the us against them mentality.

    How do you know I'm not an evil boss? :rarr:
    Aha!

  • vinlynvinlyn Colorado...for now Veteran
    Nevermind said:

    Dakini said:

    Why, indeed?

    So we hire employees instead of taking on new partners. Normally, they are hired for as low a pay rate as possible, pretty much whatever the market will bear, rather than what is fair. So at this point there is a level of inequality. This inequality creates the need for a "professional relationship," because the employee is seen as a resource rather than an equal. If after a time we find that the job can be outsourced, for instance, increasing profits by lowering the cost of labor, we can do that with relative comfort and ease because of the "professional relationship."
    Of course, the partners take on a high level of liability, while the worker just collects his pay. The partners can lose all their investment, while the worker can just get another job.

  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    Nevermind said:



    So we hire employees instead of taking on new partners. Normally, they are hired for as low a pay rate as possible, pretty much whatever the market will bear, rather than what is fair. So at this point there is a level of inequality. This inequality creates the need for a "professional relationship," because the employee is seen as a resource rather than an equal. If after a time we find that the job can be outsourced, for instance, increasing profits by lowering the cost of labor, we can do that with relative comfort and ease because of the "professional relationship."

    You have a very pessimistic view of supervisor/employee relations. Lots of employees get hired for decent pay, it depends on the position. Supervisors/bosses always get paid more than the people they supervise, otherwise they wouldn't be supervising them. :confused: It sounds like you don't really understand the concept of professional boundaries. Oh well.

  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    vinlyn said:

    Nevermind said:

    Dakini said:

    Why, indeed?

    So we hire employees instead of taking on new partners. Normally, they are hired for as low a pay rate as possible, pretty much whatever the market will bear, rather than what is fair. So at this point there is a level of inequality. This inequality creates the need for a "professional relationship," because the employee is seen as a resource rather than an equal. If after a time we find that the job can be outsourced, for instance, increasing profits by lowering the cost of labor, we can do that with relative comfort and ease because of the "professional relationship."
    Of course, the partners take on a high level of liability, while the worker just collects his pay. The partners can lose all their investment, while the worker can just get another job.

    Once again this show that the professional relationship is based on inequality and doesn't seem to have anything to do with the function of the organization.
  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    edited March 2013
    Dakini said:

    Nevermind said:



    So we hire employees instead of taking on new partners. Normally, they are hired for as low a pay rate as possible, pretty much whatever the market will bear, rather than what is fair. So at this point there is a level of inequality. This inequality creates the need for a "professional relationship," because the employee is seen as a resource rather than an equal. If after a time we find that the job can be outsourced, for instance, increasing profits by lowering the cost of labor, we can do that with relative comfort and ease because of the "professional relationship."

    You have a very pessimistic view of supervisor/employee relations. Lots of employees get hired for decent pay, it depends on the position. Supervisors/bosses always get paid more than the people they supervise, otherwise they wouldn't be supervising them. :confused: It sounds like you don't really understand the concept of professional boundaries. Oh well.

    All I'm saying is that it seems to be based on inequality and that inequality seems to require a distancing (professional relationship).

    Dog eat dog as in ruthlessly competitive, rather than ruthlessly cooperative.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    Bosses/supervisors don't compete with their charges. Generally, it's their job to foster a cooperative work environment, so that as much work gets accomplished as possible. Maintaining positive morale is in the best interests of the organization/business. Though not all supervisors are skilled in that respect.
  • NevermindNevermind Bitter & Hateful Veteran
    It seems to me that a system based in inequality is necessarily competitive in nature. Positions need to be held in place in order to maintain the inequality.
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