People are distracting me

Comments

• blu3ree Veteran

  February 2013 edited February 2013

  The Buddha realized asceticism was not the path to enlightenment after he had held his breath and suffocated then a woman gave him milk bringing him to life so when he regained consciousness he tried to explain this to his 5 ascetic friends they did not understand and thought he was abandoning his vows. So he bid them farewell and shortly after become enlightened underneath the bodhi tree.
  
  Well when someone is screaming at you they most likely are very angry. Maintaining your mindfulness is the best thing you can do.

  

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• MoonIzAMoore

  February 2013

  Right Speech is the hardest for me. I guess in responding without thinking (right mindfulness) is where I need to focus. Thank you @blu3ree.

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• Invincible_summer Heavy Metal Dhamma We(s)t coast, Canada Veteran

  February 2013

  Maybe try to find out why these people are yelling at you and lying to you. Usually, we as humans do these things to others because we are harbouring some hurt or insecurity . Perhaps if you show these people in your life that you care and that you want to extend compassion, it could change things. But another lesson that Buddhism teaches is to not be too attached to expectations...

  

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• pegembara Veteran

  February 2013

  1. In the encounter between the Buddha and Bharadvaja the Abusive – after the latter has fiercely criticized the Buddha for disgracing his clan and begging in the streets, the Buddha asks him: “If visitors come to your home, and you offer them some refreshments but they decline the offer, to whom does that food and drink belong?” “To me, of course,” the aggressor replies. “Similarly,” responds the Buddha, “you offer me your anger yet I decline to accept it, therefore it still belongs to you.” (S 7.2) He is not going to pick up the gauntlet: “It’s your glove, friend, you threw it down, you can pick it up – it’s nothing to do with me, it’s your business.”
  
  With wakefulness and a refusal to contend, conquest happens.
  
  2. In his famous Simile of the Saw (M 21.20) the Buddha states that: “ Even if bandits were severing you limb from limb with a two-handled saw, if you gave rise to an attitude of hatred towards them, you would not be following my teaching.” Instead he advocates being compassionate and wishing for the welfare of the abusers. The bar is thus set dauntingly high, but the Buddha perhaps uses this deliberately extreme example to indicate that all hatred is intrinsically non-Dhammic and that lovingkindness (metta) is always possible. In this respect it’s also important to recognize that metta does not mean liking everything, rather it means recognizing that everything has its place in nature, it all belongs – the beautiful and the ugly – true benevolence is a not dwelling in aversion, but a radical non-contention with all of nature.

  

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• footiam Veteran

  March 2013

  MoonIzAMoore said:

  So even though this may sound crazy but in the past few weeks, I learned too much at one time. I find that works for me. I am feeling better as a person already. My problem is the people around me. Particularly, the things they say to me and how I respond. Where we are from, profanity is hard to stop using but I am learning. My first question is if someone is verbally attacking you with profanity and insulting comments, what do you or should you do? I usually chant either mentally or out loud which confuses them.
  My second question is about being constantly lied to by someone you hold dear to you. I know that she is making things up. We have been friends for many years. I just listen and try to be supportive as long as it is positive things she is saying. However, I have been told that as her friend, I am wrong. So when being lied to constantly, how do you respond or do you ignore it? Her not being a part of my life is not an option.

  Why would a sane man attack you profanity and insulting comments in the first place? If it is not your fault, there is nothing you can do to change them. Avoid them like a plague. There are nicer people whom you can stick to. And why would someone you hold dear lied to you unless they want to protect you? If they are lying not to protect you, then probably they don't deserve that special in your heart. Make room for another option unless you love this sweet torment.

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• lobster Crusty Veteran

  March 2013

  My first question is if someone is verbally attacking you with profanity and insulting comments, what do you or should you do? I usually chant either mentally or out loud which confuses them.

  I know you are in a difficult position. We can really only change our behaviour, so I applaud your skilful use of chanting. You can combine it with a protective karana mudra or two. You must hold this mudra very gently as if it contains the hopes of a thousand lost bodhisattvas or a vajra of priceless crystal . . .
  I will dedicate some puja your way and hope others will too . . .
  
  Now the liar:
  First realize we are or have been self deceivers at the least. So compassion.
  You could dedicate some chanting to her. No reason to tell her unless you feel that is skilful.
  
  Please be kind, patient and gentle, especially with yourself.
  
  OM MANI PEME HUM
  
  and have a nice day :wave:

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• chela Veteran

  March 2013

  Cultivate mindfulness in everyday activity. This is how you stop being reactive when people throw a bunch of dung at you. It doesn't make the dung stink less, it just makes you less reactive and able to think a bit more rationally about what is happening and why it is happening. At some point, you gain insight and compassion for the person who is unable to control themselves. But don't get upset with yourself when you realize how you are not being perfectly non-reactive and calm. Be compassionate towards yourself first-- it is necessary so that your compassion will spread towards others.

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• misecmisc1 I am a Hindu India Veteran

  March 2013 edited March 2013

  if someone yells at you, after they have done with their yelling, just wait for few seconds, give a small gentle smile and move away.
  
  if someone dear to you is lying and you know it, let her know that even though she is lying to you, then also you are totally accepting her for who she is.

  

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