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What it's like to be a single male
thegoldeneternity
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Unfortunately this is not available in the UK
Single male?
I think I get the humour, but the uploader says this video is not available in your country when you try and play it. SO from a UK perspective at least, we won't get to know what it's like to be a single male from @thegoldeneternity's perspective
It's a short video, 20 seconds, of a tv premiere in the US, which is why it's not available elsewhere.
Honestly, I've never reacted that way to a guy simply wanting to speak to me, and neither has anyone else I've known. I'm sure it happens, but it's not representative of what really happens most of the time, lol. Thank goodness!
The video is a man approaching a variety of women and before he can get a single word out, they cope an attitude and basically tell him "don't bother talking to me" and act all snotty and bitchy.
Women are the gatekeepers - they have first say - they choose - no negotiation.
I'm in the UK so can't see the video but from the screenshot the bloke appears to be a bald, overweight, middle-aged man with unkempt facial hair sporting an 'awesome' T-shirt hitting on a woman who is clearly way out of his league.
What does he expect in a world of personal agendas? Hi - I have no agenda, speak to me because I am entitled to be spoken to?
In my experience, this is not the life of a single male per se but more akin to the life of a clueless man which ergo may lead to being unintentionally single.
Haha. I am glad to hear that you haven't reacted that way, Karasti. Not every woman does, of course. Recently, as I attempt to meet women, I have experienced that exact attitude multiple times. I also have met some very nice women who, perhaps weren't single or weren't interested, but they were still nice and polite. I also may have made a new friend.
This video segment I think cuts to the core of that experience of the rude rejection. It captures the really uncomfortable feeling that arises in that moment, but also shines light on the humor of the situation. My most recent rude rejection left me laughing out loud to myself in a cafe after I asked a woman her name. She just shook her head and walked away without saying anything. All of the negative feelings associated with such a rejection arose. I find it a very valuable practice for myself to not allow those feeling to trigger the spiral of unworthiness and shame, which is a construct of the ego or false self.
I am a man who is interested in meeting a woman. Initiative is required to do so. I am confident that my intentions are good, or at the very least, not deceitful or malevolent. My self-worth cannot be dependent on their reactions to my advances.
You are on to something. I wish you could see the video. The man is a comedian. He is aware of the absurdity of the situation and that the women are way out of his league. He's not simply saying, "woe is me, this is unfair." The comedy sketch exaggerates the situation for sure. But yes, any attempt at coming on to a woman is going to involve personal agendas. Your own and hers. To pretend that there are no personal agendas in courting would be foolhardy.
I for one, will never know.
I think people who react that way are actually really insecure.
I live in Minnesota, which is famous for it's "Minnesota Nice" attitude, and oftentimes, it is overdone. You will see people apologizing when someone else runs into them, and so on. In some ways, it's nice. Most people are polite, even while driving, most people still hold doors for others, help older people carry their groceries, and so on. So responding in such a rude manner isn't par for the course for most people here because it's just not how things work here. And yes I am generalizing, of course there are still people who are rude. Just not as common as I understand some places to be, especially major cities.
I've always been thankful for not being one of those drop dead gorgeous types of women. It's akin to being rich, you never know if someone really likes you or is talking to you because they are interested in you, or just because they want to see you naked and made a bet with their friends that they could. So in that respect, while I don't agree with their rudeness, I can, in a way, understand it. As much as the fat, middle aged nerdy bald guy wants to be looked at for who he is, so does the gorgeous woman he is approaching.
I forgot what it was like to be a single male 20 years ago... I didn't enjoy it much; my life needed a woman's touch, and her discipline. LOL
Always!? :-)
Yes, I hate being the center of attention, ever, lol. My own insecurity, I'm sure, but I think being extremely attractive is as much as curse as being really rich can be. Very few highly attractive people I've known have been happy, mostly because they don't trust that people like them for who they are.
Still doesn't justify putting people down for just wanting to talk to you IMO. That's the reason I talk to people, to get to know them. I need to be physically attracted to a girl to be in a relationship or anything beyond friends though but even if I think someone is hot or pretty personality can still be a dealbreaker.
Girls approach guys too by the way
And no... I've never been a dick about it and I'm always happy to talk. I just don't get why people feel the need to put others down just because they say hi. Seems overly paranoid to me...
Hardly ever, but yes, it does happen.
I agree, it doesn't justify it at all, and like I said I personally don't know anyone who behaves that way, but I know that it happens. I can understand what could be behind it, but that doesn't justify it. I think a lot of the time it seems to happen in bars, too, which admittedly would get annoying. Though, being nice is more likely to get you more tips, lol, I'm sure they get hit on A LOT all day, every day. That would get old, I'm sure. Being rude should never be the first response.
Actually it happens regularly, and I'm not really good looking or anything, but might be a cultural difference.
I think there are definite differences depending where you live. I don't doubt that it happens regularly, I'm just glad it isn't so common here. We live in a very low population, rural area where everyone already know everyone else. So when you are young and start dating, not only do you already know everyone's names who are within 5 years either direction of your age, you also know what they drive, where they work, who their parents are, where their parents work, where they lived, and what they brought for show and tell in 2nd grade. The pickings are more slim, but it entirely eliminates the need for the awkward "Hi, what's your name??" introductions. But it also means you have a lot of marriages that are the result of "Huh, well, there's not really anyone else I wanna marry, so why not?"
I think bars are probably the worst place to attempt to meet people, though it is one of the most common. No one is ever themselves at the bar, that's why they go to the bar...to be someone other than who they are, lol.
I met my husband at work. He was the most annoying person in our new training class, and then I got stuck sitting by him. I should say I met him while I was finishing up college and living in another city, not in our current location, which is also where I grew up.
Might be a cultural difference. I am in New England and find that it is a very rare occurrence. Or maybe I'm just not pretty enough :-)
Could be, or maybe you're paying attention to the wrong things
Females tend to be a little more subtle then males lol.
People should know their place. It's hard to swallow, but it's true. I wouldn't approach a supermodel, even though I am incredibly handsome myself. An average guy should be smart enough to know that he should avoid hot women and only go after average women. It is common sense. that way, you wont get hurt.
I'd think it would depend on the situation and the people. Some people do actually get together with someone else out of love for who they are, and not what they look like. That isn't to say they aren't attracted to each other. You never know. There was a story on tv the other day about a decently attractive man who is married to a woman who is 600 pounds and can't get out of bed (and he married her recently). But situations where, say, a really attractive person develops a relationship with a more average type of person are not usually the ones that develop because they were hit on on the bar or whistled at on the street. Add to that, that not everyone is attracted to the same types of people. I am not a fan of heavily muscled body builders. Some women are. I know men who find gigantic breasts offensive, and others who find them highly attractive. There are some Hollywood "hotties" I don't find attractive in the least. So, there are stil preferences, and aside from that, even someone who looks good can be made entirely unattractive by their personality.
Also, what we find attractive, and what we consider "out of our league" is largely governed by our exposure to the media and movies. What was considered attractive 200 years ago has changed immensely...not because we have changed biologically but because our ideas of what is attractive has changed because of what someone else tells us (to a degree, not entirely). As a result, not only do we desire people that normally wouldn't have been considered desirable (such as ultra thing runway models) but we view people as something to attain. Men and women both, but I personally see it with men more, view a highly attractive person as someone to attain in order to score points socially.
I don't think that "know your place" is very good advice. Especially considering that people can have very distorted view of themselves (whether narcissism or body dysmorphic disorder). I think that finding someone attractive and saying, "Hi, what's your name? want to go out sometime?" should not be ruled out by your interior voice saying "I'm not good enough for that person." That would be a very bad mental habit to get into. Certainly, the other person has every right to say, "No. Sorry, I'm not interested." However, the person who made the initiative should not be considered a fool for approaching (if done so tactfully). They should be commended for their courage and given a pat on the back. I have spent years giving myself negative self-talk, especially after being rejected. I have recently turned a new leaf and I am much nicer to myself, even after being rejected. That is when I most need to be good to myself.
@betaboy said:
To say this is rubbish I think does a disservice to rubbish.
Pointlessly contrived.
I'm sorry betaboy, I didn't realize I "had a place" based on features I was born with. Damn all this time I was unaware that I was being ranked based on my looks! Better tell my hot friends I can't talk to them anymore
Apparently Betaboy's "place" is among those obsessed with vanity? Only kidding, of course.
It's odd how many times Betaboy has railed against the concept that because he is ethnically Persian (am I remembering that correctly?) that he has a "place", but that when it comes to good looks it is okay to put people "in their place".
Yes, he's
IranianPersian....If such a "thing" exists......
Sorry if I hurt your feelings, but that's not what I meant. I gave that advice so that people could avoid disappointment. There is, unfortunately, hierarchy in this world. I dont like it, you dont like it, but it's there. So play the game according to rules, that's all I am saying.
tell us what the rules are and we can all join in.
In a word, hierarchy.
You know your problem is your generalizing the entire "world". Those rules may apply in high school or the nearest club but they don't hold ground everywhere. I see "ugly" people with attractive people all the time, I'm pretty sure they didn't follow the "rules" yet they still won
It kind of sounds like an excuse to treat people badly, to me. Kind of like certain Christians who sometimes say that blacks and whites shouldn't marry because they aren't "equally yoked" and so on. Someone simply being highly attractive doesn't necessarily put them at the top of the hierarchy. I'm sure it differs somewhat in different countries and even regions, but much of the time in the US, if you have money, it doesn't matter what you look like. Look at Hugh Hefner and the women he marries. I wouldn't consider him on the same attractiveness level as the women he marries and/or dates. Money speaks louder than looks here. If you are a dirt poor but highly attractive person, you will indeed run into problems still with attracting highly attractive people within a different income bracket.
Louie also has some ideas about what its like being a single woman.
Money is indeed a great leveler, no denying that. But not everyone is Hefner or Gates. Most people are not too rich or too poor.... so, when such people meet, it is taken for granted that looks play a significant role.
Years ago, an Italian friend of mine who was in his early thirties back then, was a real dapper, but rather short and chubby, definitely not the average heartthrob. Despite that, he had huge success with the most gorgeous women thanks to his self-confidence, bubbly conversation and... I suppose his Italian charm.
My husband's best friend, who was devastatingly good-looking but rather self-conscious, had a far lower success rate scoring women or keeping them.
There is also the case of men complaining that they can't find the right girl, but will only approach Angelina Jolie's copycat.
And your karma will be that in a few years you will begin wrinkling, get fat, and loosing your hair. Just a prediction.
I am anataman and I speak for the NBies @betaboy with this similie ... :rockon: ...
LOL
Oh btw you're the annoying little guy but you knew that....
It's Louis CK!. He is brilliant......check out his show if you get a chance.
Baloney. Stop being a
douchestirrer and put into practise the "wisdom" from your other threads. And if I don't like it, you don't like it, but it's there is your outlook then you need to get over the way you were treated by a woman and stop generalising (usually negatively) about people. We're not the enemy and even though unloading on forums where people are only a username is not cool. Reading you is exhausting sometimes. You're so NEGATIVE. Why is that???edit out
I give up.
I was trying to help, trying to make sure no one sets themselves up for disappointment. But I get ... never mind. The cliche is right: no good deed goes unpunished.
Dating, relationships, marriage...all of it takes a risk. There is a chance of disappointment no matter what. Learning how to deal with it (along with rejection) is not just part of life but a big part of Buddhist practice. Doing everything possible to avoid it, including not talking to people you are interested in, is no help. It's just another aversion.
I get that. But as far as possible, we should make decisions based on experience and logic.
I have seen average looking guys approach hot girls and get scorned as if they were worms. You know how painful that could be, even watching it from a distance? One must learn from experience... that hot girls will gravitate toward hot guys... so if you're not Brad Pitt, don't approach Angelina unless you wanna get scorned and ridiculed. Is this what a guy would want, suffer ridicule at the hands of a girl? Seriously?
Am I the bad guy for steering people away from the path of disappointment and pain?
Talk to who ever you want. Just try not to have sex, marriage, kids, all planned out before you open your mouth. Keep your expectations in check.
>
If you were actually doing that, it wouldn't be so bad.
But given that you come over as suffering those very inhibitions, in spades, and you try to give everyone the impression that it applies to everyone, everywhere all the time, makes you the disappointed guy creating his own pain.
And given that we KNOW it ain't so, makes your squirming even more uncomfortable to watch.
It's about how you put it out there @betaboy. I do the same, so don't beat yourself up. I have something in mind, thinking I'm being helpful - put it out their and squeal as I see how I'm perceived as an opinioned douche too!
At the end of the day I'm here to learn as most people are, and the social medium this is isn't what it's cracked up to be. But Hey, We live and learn and learn to let others be...
I wouldn't be too sure about that, @federica. Some things apply to most humans, if not all, and not just to a few individuals. I look like a typical male model/movie star, but even so I am a little wary of approaching the super model types. So others who aren't blessed with such looks should take a hint and play it smart.... that way, they won't get hurt. Again, I agree this is based on personal experience, but sometimes our experiences, however subjective, may help a lot of other people too. It's called sharing, and hopefully that isn't banned on this forum.
I can't see anyone on here 'sharing' your experiences, but more than one telling you that when you speak for others, you're yapping your mouth off carelessly - and wrongly.
Maybe people here have an inflated ego and are reluctant to face facts. Not my mistake, is it? Anyway, let's dispense with finger-pointing and focus on the OP. Thanks.
I certainly didn't say you are the bad guy. But I think it's a poor attitude to have. You are basically saying "All attractive women are shallow" and that they are best avoided expect by their own kind. I find that to be a somewhat offensive attitude to hold. I have male friends who are highly attractive, who I wouldn't be friends with if we did not at some point approach each other and start chatting. There is more to speaking to people than simply to attempt to get them into bed. But combining what you said in the other thread about sex and conquering, I suppose it holds. If you are trying to conquer women to feed your ego so you can brag about who you slept with, then by all means, make sure you stick to the standard your ego has set.
You, as in generally speaking. Not you specifically as obviously I don't know that you operate on the conquering level.