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One upmanship
Jeffrey
Veteran
Hopefully or doubtfully I can explain this. But say you see something in a post that others don't see. You want to bring some clarity but it is as if you get caught up in 'one upmanship'. I don't know if I am being hard on myself or if there can be an improvement or new paradigm. I'll stop there and see how the topic fleshes out.
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Comments
One-upmanship happens a lot on loads of forums, but I've found it happens more on vocational forums, rather than general ones, and this one is no exception.
I would say I'm guilty of it myself, frequently, but I try to pull back from doing it, because i can see myself doing it - I don't always succeed.
It sometimes becomes a 'pissing contest' between members, and I know I've occasionally had to make comment...
Trouble is, we're just a bit too clever, studious and intellectual for our own good.
And we actually believe at the time, that it matters.....
Yeah to that ^ ^ ^ I think we innocently get our tails in a ringer over stuff, questions may be or seem more pointed than was intended a lot of the time - that's what I see and sometimes we just don't realize how we come across and without the benefit of body language, etc., we don't understand what we get ourselves into with others. It matters because we let the emotions and pride sneak in on things.
@jeffrey
I appreciate it for the alternative perspective that it can illuminate that might otherwise have gone unexpressed.
That what might seem like one upmanship is really just a co operative attempt at presenting different facets of the same jewel.
But of course if it becomes an ego event then a different type of transmission goes on.
I know what you mean @Jeffrey ....It happens all the time and most people are guilty of it ( except for me of course... because I'm perfect in every way
)
Caught up in one upmanship?! That would have been luxury to us! You were lucky...
Yes, it usually starts out like that, then we can sometimes get a bit, well, scratchy...
Just put it out there, Jeffrey. You are, like, the opposite of a one-upper
I doubt you could manage to sound like you think you are superior because you so clearly DON'T (feel superior). You are very humble and trustworthy IMHO. Go for, speak up son!
Exactly so @Hamsaka. I too trust people's integrity and honesty. Ego inflation and 'my dharma is bigger than your sangha' is not the way, very little of that hear. An honest quest and a genuine concern for skilful interaction is the way. We can actually listen to what is said. @how said it well, it is a co-operative effort . . .
There are various ways to look at disputes in Buddhism. One-upmanship is one way. But it is far from being the only way. To accuse someone of "one-upmanship" in a dispute is, arguably, a veiled ad hominem attack. Any time we challenge another's particular claim we enter into a dispute. Buddhists on Buddhist chat rooms have been disputing another's claim for over 20 years. The majority of disputes fall under the heading of either history or doctrine.
Not necessarily so, @Blondel....
MOI, UPPITY?????
GET REAL!!!!!!!
My humility beats your humility by a mile!
And when it comes to compassion and serenity????
Well, eat my dust!!!!
I have to apologize if I have said anything of that nature in my posts. You never really know who will take things the wrong way. I guess my advice to those who might feel too much tension is to take a break. Long enough so that when you come back you forgot what bothered you, that's what I do.
@namarupa my topic was not directed at anyone. Actually I wondered if I was 'one upping'.
Sometimes it feels more like a desire to impress others at some level, it's not necessarily competitive.
Perhaps we might find a way of one downmanship. In other words supporting the best interests of others by being below and supportive rather than above . . .
It stands to reason that even one replying to a post using one-upmanship, it is still below that post and therefore 'downmanship'.
I don't think it's necessarily one-upmanship to bring up something you might see that others have missed. That is exactly the point of discussion forums like this
I always appreciate your insights, @Jeffrey and I think they are well thought out and always compassionate. Just pointing out something someone hasn't realized isn't one-upmanship. Also, I don't see anything wrong with us learning from someone else's posts, either. Again, that is the point of the forum. If we realized we understand something from what someone else wrote, that is a good thing. If either of those things make you feel superior, then of course that is something to investigate. But don't worry about us thinking that is what you are doing 
I pretty much just assume everyone is just sharing. Thoughts, beliefs, experiences, triumphs, struggles, random bits of life. I try not to read into what their intention is when they post because text makes it just about impossible. Their intention is up to them to decipher.