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Using Dhamma as an escape
BhikkhuJayasara
Bhikkhu Veteran
an interesting conundrum as got me thinking lately. The last few months have been a rough time for me mentally and physically and also at work, a lot of late nights and case emergencies ( I do child protective services in addition to my own photography business).
during these times of high stress and tiredness the mind likes to escape( or when you need to do something you're not looking forward to doing you also try to escape, distract and procrastinate). In the past that escape was to video games mostly and movies etc, the normal types of distractions us modern human types use.
Lately I've been observing my mind wanting to be distracted(mostly outside of work.. my focus has been pretty tight at work, as usually what happens), wanting to procrastinate to not do things I should be doing.. however my form of escape has been dhamma(videos, reading, doing my dhamma blog etc). For instance I have an interview for a position tomorrow and I want to do some more preparation tonight, but here I find myself watching dhamma talks from Ajahn Brahm and posting on new buddhist LOL!. I'm feeling "at peace" listening to dhamma.
So while listening to Dhamma is almost always beneficial( its the greatest gift!), you can also use it in a negative way too I think, a hard thing to say about listening to dhamma but it appears to be this way in my experience. Some of you know that I'm on the path of moving towards becoming a monastic, and although following my plan i still have a year and a half left before I go to the monastery, for the first time I am "daydreaming" and wishing I was up in the woods meditating. These are things to be mindful of in our practice.
What is everyone else's experience with this?
during these times of high stress and tiredness the mind likes to escape( or when you need to do something you're not looking forward to doing you also try to escape, distract and procrastinate). In the past that escape was to video games mostly and movies etc, the normal types of distractions us modern human types use.
Lately I've been observing my mind wanting to be distracted(mostly outside of work.. my focus has been pretty tight at work, as usually what happens), wanting to procrastinate to not do things I should be doing.. however my form of escape has been dhamma(videos, reading, doing my dhamma blog etc). For instance I have an interview for a position tomorrow and I want to do some more preparation tonight, but here I find myself watching dhamma talks from Ajahn Brahm and posting on new buddhist LOL!. I'm feeling "at peace" listening to dhamma.
So while listening to Dhamma is almost always beneficial( its the greatest gift!), you can also use it in a negative way too I think, a hard thing to say about listening to dhamma but it appears to be this way in my experience. Some of you know that I'm on the path of moving towards becoming a monastic, and although following my plan i still have a year and a half left before I go to the monastery, for the first time I am "daydreaming" and wishing I was up in the woods meditating. These are things to be mindful of in our practice.
What is everyone else's experience with this?
3
Comments
Completely agree. I don't think I've experienced anything that's inherently free of our ability to attach to and correspondingly suffer from.
The path you are choosing is not an easier one, just the one that you are choosing.
Attaching to that which mimics our spiritual aspirations is usually referred to as compounded delusion and is the bane of all spiritual seekers. (lay or monastic).
Regardless of the scenery, it always seems to come down to how present and open we can be in this moment.
Recognizing a possible spiritual attachment doesn't eliminate it but does strip away it's concealing camouflage.
btw I was kind to my mind and listened to dhamma for a bit now I'm rocking this interview prep and coming up with how I'm going to sell myself
maybe the problem isnt your desire for dhamma. maybe the problem is that cumbersome and arbitrary plan you have set out before yourself. one more year? if you are ready now go now. if you are not ready, then by all means, continue to procrastinate. is there not something to be learned from either way?
Spiritual endeavor as protection or camouflage is always possible. With good luck, life has a way of correcting this sort of posturing ... but good luck is sometimes in short supply, ego-tripping is in large supply and the problem becomes fixed and convenient ... look Ma, I'm a Buddhist! look Ma, I'm a monk!
There is nothing unusual about any of this from where I sit. It's just a question of what anyone is willing to do to address it. You seem to be well on your way just by noticing. Keep up the good work.
and yes I love it.. wherever you go.. there it is
@genkaku thank you for the kind words. I agree with your assessment. The " look ma i'm a monk" thing cracked me up.. there are maybe one or two people in my family and friends who truly support and come close to understanding my desire to renounce. I don't think I'll never say " hey ma look I'm a monK!" lol.
and also I'm feeling this thread turn into a little too much about this being called Jayantha. No one else has issues with using dhamma unskillfully.. I know some of you are ajahm brahm addicts out there
Anyhow the worm will turn and eventually you will know/resolve.
One word for this phenomenon is enthusiasm. You get it where you get it and it makes life more adventurous. In a way, life is an escape from not being, and a life bound every second to a concept of duty (say productivity or some imagined purity of purpose) is not a life of real freedom. If you're not free, you're in some chains of sorts and can't really breathe till those chains are burst. That's almost all of life. You can't really BE who you ARE all chained down; that's not YOU, that's you in chains.
Enthusiasm for something beyond where I plant my feet is a healthy thing, I think.
Or perhaps a better word, still in the spirit of enthusiasm, is extreme interestedness. The hippies used to say that they were "really into" something; well, that what "interested" means: inter-esse (Latin): "mingled in," "to be into." What's wrong with that?
We all need to escape this world whenever we can in non-mindless ways.
Sorry for the rambling.
"There is, O monks, an unborn, an unbecome, an unmade, an unconditioned; if, O monks, there were not here this unborn, unbecome, unmade, unconditioned, there would not here be an escape from the born, the become, the made, the conditioned. But because there is an unborn,...therefore there is an escape from the born...."
UDANA viii, 3
This utterance says it all. Everyone is trying to escape - money, power, sex, alcohol, drugs, charities and service to community etc.
For one who is still wandering on in Saṃsāra, kamma is the reliable refuge. For one who is seeking to be released from Saṃsāra, Satipaṭṭhāna Vipassanā Dhamma is the one and only refuge. And for the Noble Ones who have seen the perils of Saṃsāra, Nibbāna is the only true, safe, and secure refuge.
Which is your refuge?
but, daydreaming about being a monk beats
daydreaming about sex or becoming rich anytime.
and @federica for some reason I never really daydreamed about being rich.. when I was young I wanted to be a fighter pilot or a jet setting archaeologist..doing a job more unique, exciting, and different was always more important.... which is not so ironic that I now strive to become a monk, can't get MUCH more different then that in the west. One of the many signs in my life that makes me feel like I was born and bred for this calling, but I won't know for sure until I try.
oh and also my ego building name too kind of seems like a sign for a being like myself still mired in greed, hatred, and delusion - Jayantha means "victorious one". I received it from Bhante G and Bhante S at Bhavana society when I took the 8 lifetime precepts. It's my name there now, what they call me, so I've taken to using it in buddhist circles in general.
need some time to daydream.
a very famous monk said that
sometimes his mind is just not able
to meditate or mindful.
he found that an effective remedy
was to just allow the mind to wander.
after a couple of hours, the mind seems
willing to meditate again.
But when the mind is free of dualistic clinging then the dharma can be poisonous depending on if we can see our shadow. But generally if the dharma is applied FOR life rather than an escape FROM life then the dharma will have no divisions.
But there is a time and place for everything. Just like the winter calls for introspection and less activity. Sometimes life requires of us to just close down from everything and in a way that is part of that path.
They're usually thought of as escape artists.
A little honesty is a terrific relief.
Much Love
Bur worry not- suffering is just around the corner to help us keep it real.
Sangha, not sangria and sanguine
Buddha, not brother and bother
Take the best from the 3 jewels
And do the best in and for the world
. . . What you mean you knew that? There is no escape from awakening . . . :clap:
If I don't end up becoming a monk, I'd like to do my photography business full time. You know what they say, do what you love and you won't feel you've worked a day in your life. at Bhavana society there is a little poster that says " more dhamma, less Drama" . I like that picture. I try to live by this motto in life.
I was cleaning her vomit, and I had to keep my own vomit in
(Weak stomach when it comes to smells and....vomit)
It hit me i couldn't get more 'buddhist' then this.
Cleaning up nasty stuff after others, while loving them unconditionally.
For I love my dog, and i clean her shite and barf and give her a big hug afterwards
When I find myself, everything flows well, And I can do all of my school work without letting it bother me or make me feel like it's getting in the way of my life.