How can we deal with people's expectation of us?

person

Just looking for some insight to help deal with this. I'm self-employed and generally can know what the expectations are before entering into a contract, so I can decide before hand if I can meet them and either accept the situation or not. However this isn't always the case, expectations change or there's something I want but don't neccessarily feel up to meeting those expectations. I'm not sure I can always just ignore those expectations and follow my own compass so to speak because I want something in return. I guess what I'm wondering is how can I better cope with unwanted demands on me?

fivebells

Learn to negotiate. Secrets of Power Negotiating is an OK place to start.

As for approaching it from a Buddhist perspective, it depends where you are in your practice.

genkaku

After 13 years of painting apartments in New York City, I learned a number of lessons that stood me in good stead. One was, don't work for doctors, lawyers or priests if you can help it.

Another, more to the point here, was -- tell the truth. Be as circumspect as possible when assessing the job and the desires of the customer ... get all the details you can. If you cannot guarantee and outcome, say so and discuss the matter. Eg. a woman once wanted me to take down the wallpaper in a small ante-way and then paint it. I said I could do the job, but there was no knowing what was under the wallpaper ... some people put up wallpaper because they think it's beautiful; others put it up to conceal cracks and other blemishes. So ... time is money and it might cost more. Was the customer ready to absorb that financial responsibility? Telling the truth has a disadvantage in that you can lose out on a job. The advantage is that people know where they stand and your reputation improves ... which is good for business down the line. Many, if not most, merchants think they have to tell fibs of omission or commission in order to make a buck. Telling the truth is not in their lexicon. But telling the truth pays real dividends over the long haul.

FWIW.

person

Thanks for the responses, I guess I was looking for some more general life advice. I was just bringing up the point of being self-employed to say I don't normally have to deal with others unwanted demands by usually avoiding them upfront. I can't even use and alarm clock to wake up because I feel like its telling me what to do and I just keep hitting snooze out of spite :banghead: I'm hoping someone knows some buddhist teaching on how to deal with this since it seems to be a more western phenomena I don't recall running across anything about it in particular. Aside from developing bodhicitta or realizing emptiness, which will probably take a few more weeks to develop.

Dakini

Know what your own needs are, and don't be afraid to diplomatically set boundaries. Know your limits, and don't be afraid to state them when necessary. I didn't get the thing about the alarm clock telling you what to do. Are you feeling bossed around by people? Tell people you need down time, or time just for you, or you'd love to help cousin Suzie get her house ready for the family party, but you have your own projects and deadlines to attend to. Whatever. It doesn't have to be a big confrontational deal.

compassionate_warrior

This question has come up several times before, person. We tell people, you have to take care of yourself first, otherwise, if you burn out responding to all the demands on your time & energy, what good will you be to people? You don't want to burn out (sounds like you're on your way, with your little passive-aggressive thing going on with your clock, ha ^_^), do you? So you have to build self-care into your day and week. That means carving out time for You, and to heck with other people who want to take away your R&R time. You need it so that you can be available for them when they REALLY need it, not for every little thing. And we also talk to people about boundaries, as mentioned above, that's how you stake out your You time. With boundaries. Clear communication.

fivebells

...I just keep hitting snooze out of spite :banghead: I'm hoping someone knows some buddhist teaching on how to deal with this since it seems to be a more western phenomena...

Metta meditation.