Pride

TiaP

I was looking at a photo online this morning and the thought occurred to me ‘I’d be embarrassed to do that’ (what the person was doing in the image – just a pretty average thing).

This immediately led me to wonder why on earth I would, and Pride is what cropped up. Probably attachment issues too but I’m going to focus on this affliction called Pride because I think I may have an over abundance of it lurking inside

I definitely don’t want to appear proud, it’s an unappealing trait. And I definitely don’t broadcast it, at least not intentionally. But deep down I know it’s there. And it’s served me pretty well in life on one level because it’s motivated me to work very hard at certain things – there’s pride in being financially secure, having a successful career, looking good, living somewhere nice. All these things took and continue to take much effort to maintain. The key flipside is I’d be embarrassed if I lost them. And I wonder why? Sure it’d be hard if I lost all my money and my job, but why feel embarrassed? It’s exhausting and a bit scary having your sense of worth attached to such transient things.

How do you tackle Pride? It’s not smugness or over-confidence because underlying it is insecurity, fear and an attachment of my personal worth to specific things. It’s a hindrance.

Do you tackle it in an abstract sense by meditating on Pride as a feeling or perhaps the fear and attachment underlying it ? I’ve considered meditating on a sense of gratitude but in a way I don’t want to keep focussing on the things I feel proud of. Or do you need to face head-on the very things you feel proud of? By giving them up? By being around people who lack the things you have pride in so you can observe and learn? Or perhaps trying to understand the reason or cause behind it? My pride is I think a conditioning linked to a father who is a very achievement focussed person – approval and affection come when you achieve stuff. Is that what I should focus on coming to peace with? Any thoughts or suggestions welcomed. Thanks for reading this long winded post Sometimes just writing it down helps too.

With gratitude,
Tia

federica

The French have two different words for Pride.
Fierté, and Orgueil.

Orgueil is boastful pride.
Fierté is honourable pride.

Just learn to distinguish the two, but hold on to neither.

person

There are two antidotes that I know of to meditate on that helps diminish pride.
One is to reflect on something you don't understand well or even how much knowledge there is that people have about things that you have no idea about. Second is to think about how much you rely on others for your survival and well being. You need other people to grow the food you eat, provide the tools needed to cultivate the crops, bring it to the store, build the roads that bring it there, provide the electricity to keep some foods fresh, etc, etc. Maybe you have lots of money and pay your share to get them but if it were just you alone you'd never have the time to do everything needed to provide for your life. Other people even provide the knowledge we have to accomplish any tasks we need. Imagine if you were stranded on a desert island with amnesia, how long would you last? Its other people that provide you with the knowledge you'd need to survive. Now imagine being on that same island but there were no birds to carry the seeds from elsewhere to provide some vegitation or no other animals to eat. John Dunne coined the famous phrase, "No man is an island", that pretty well sums it up. I struggle with this quite a bit myself and these two things have helped me.

TiaP

@person thank you that really helps! I like the idea of reflecting on the interdependent nature of things. It helps promote a feeling of detachment to the things I feel proud about. They're not just mine, they're everyones. My achievements and blessings are definitely a global team effort. And everything I ever will achieve in future is subject to that too. This forum is a great example.

Thanks for the french lesson @frederica. I'm sure I need to let go of both types.

federica

That's FEDerica.

No first 'r'.

It's Italian.

I'm rather proud of that......

SherabDorje

Spending time around people with little or nothing sounds like a good idea. Maybe you should spend some time volunteering at a homeless shelter.

TiaP

That's FEDerica.

No first 'r'.

It's Italian.

I'm rather proud of that......

OPPS le mie scuse my dyslexia setting in

vinlyn

The French have two different words for Pride.
Fierté, and Orgueil.

Orgueil is boastful pride.
Fierté is honourable pride.

Just learn to distinguish the two, but hold on to neither.

I think that's a very good distinction.

federica

@TiaP....Come non detto....:)

I personally think Pride is just like any other emotion.
Useful or harmful, like a knife, if grasped by the handle or the blade.....

santhisouk

Buddhism teaches us to accept things the way they are and let go of it, part of that means we have to look at the good and the bad. When we have pride, rarely would we look at the bad side of it. The bad side of pride is that people have caused harm to others because of their pride. When we have pride, and feel that it we might cause harm to others or ourself because of it, then we should reflect on anatta, the selflessness of our being. We may have acquired all the wealth and happiness in the world in our lifetime, but we can't take any of it with us. This should not be something to discourage ourselves over but merely used as a tool when we need to prevent ourselves from attaching to our pride.

With Metta

TiaP

Spending time around people with little or nothing sounds like a good idea. Maybe you should spend some time volunteering at a homeless shelter.

An excellent suggestion. I did volunteer my time to one a few years ago, was gently told 'we need your money more than your time or presence' lol. Maybe I'll go back and tell them I think I need you more than you need me

genkaku

There's pride in possessions and pride in accomplishments. There is a also a subtler pride of being -- pride in frame of mind or sorrows. In all cases, as far as I can figure out, there is little or no purpose served in either bad-mouthing or elevating the matter. Best, I think, is just to pay attention and take responsibility. In that way things go their way without effort.

Floating_Abu

My pride is I think a conditioning linked to a father who is a very achievement focussed person – approval and affection come when you achieve stuff. Is that what I should focus on coming to peace with? Any thoughts or suggestions welcomed. Thanks for reading this long winded post Sometimes just writing it down helps too.

With gratitude,
Tia

In the Diamond Sutta, the Buddha teaches us that a Bodhisattva no longer cherishes the sense of an ego and certainly until then it is all just us in manifold manifestations. My idea of an answer would be the answer is in a practice. Practice, practice, practice maybe.

Best wishes,
Abu

aMatt

Also consider that pride arises with self cherishing and self clinging. Perhaps when you release your 'self' through continued meditation, there will be less to you that feels the need to evolve or congratulate.

Cultivating humility, in my experience, is simply about accepting that who we are and where we are is a product of many forces, none of which are "ours". We stand on the shoulders of our genetics and teachers, and their teachers, and theirs... no accomplishment or failure is without hundreds if not thousands if not millions of contributions.

So we just do our best, learn, try to improve, and let go. We get sidetracked less easily if we don't spend time looking in the mirror to see our perfections and imperfections. We don't really need to attck or release pride. As we cultivate genuine humility it just doesn't come up anymore, we don't cling.

seeker242

This website has all kinds of good stuff on this

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/various/bl014.html

TiaP

Many thanks for the contributions above! Pride's a tough cookie for me maybe others too because, I think , it co-exists alongside positive qualities which compensate for that weakness. So it's easy not to notice it most of the time. Which makes it potentially even harder to eradicate, devious little sucker that it is!

I read the above with great interest and appreciation and know that Prides days are numbered

Floating_Abu

Cute avatar pic, TiaP Thanks for your efforts