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Dealing with failures
betaboy
Veteran
Namaste,
How does one deal with failures, not being able to make it to the top, being a nobody? Do we convince ourselves that these things don't matter, that Buddhism is all about nibbana and that this life is something to be endured and nothing more?
What is one to do?
BB
How does one deal with failures, not being able to make it to the top, being a nobody? Do we convince ourselves that these things don't matter, that Buddhism is all about nibbana and that this life is something to be endured and nothing more?
What is one to do?
BB
0
Comments
Only a "somebody" could imagine s/he was a "nobody." Who is that "somebody?"
Live to make life better for yourself and others, to bring peace that will last beyond the grave. Any ambition should be for the sake of others, to make the world a better place since we're only here for a little while. Do what ya can, I say.
I mean, really, how incredibly awesome would your life have been if all the people who lived before you had been concentrating on making the world better for others? Let your brain suck on that for a while!
So it comes down to attachment and intention in my mind. There is nothing wrong with doing an excellent job. I see Buddhism as teaching me to do the best mindful work that I can regardless of the status or pay. And many times that leads to outward success. If my intention the entire time was to do my best mindful job without attaching too much to the appearance that is a fine thing. I was concerned that when I started this path I would be generic as a Buddhist but I see the great variety of interests and talents among others practicing.
As a side note, anyone can look at an aspect of your life and declare failure. If they value cars and you do not have a good one then you will be seen badly, if they value relationships and you are working on solitude then it looks like no success.
When you read some of the examples of how far off the rails some people are- you'll be laughing instead of letting it make you feel like you're missing something.
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As I go through all kinds of feelings and experiences in my journey through life -- delight, surprise, chagrin, dismay -- I hold this question as a guiding light: "What do I really need right now to be happy?" What I come to over and over again is that only qualities as vast and deep as love, connection and kindness will really make me happy in any sort of enduring way.
- Sharon Salzberg
What I am saying is: when I was young, I had so much talent that people took it for granted that I'd be somebody. Now that I am not, it's shocking for most people around me ... myself included. They keep wondering - as do I - how mediocre people have succeeded, whereas I am still tasting one failure after another. It just doesn't make sense.
So it's not just the failure I am talking about - it's failure as compared with the talent I have. And that hurts a whole lot more.
Hope people can see where I am coming from.
Who's nobody in this equation ? Making it to the top isn't for every one. If you go by the old ways to be at the top of your domain, and those don't work, try other ways.
That's the loser's way of coping with his failures. Yes, after you die, they won't matter ( unless you've done something of real value to the humankind). Until you die, they matter. Buddhism doesn't tolarate lazyness, or hard work with no results ( where are the right effort and the right concentration at ?)
What is on to do ? Stop. Breathe. Think.Breathe.Walk Away.
Are you sad about not having the proper outlet for your talent or are you more interested in being a "somebody"?
My meditative efforts have shown me several things. One much of my emotions were very much ego driven. The other was that I had focused my use of my talents in a very narrow scope. To paraphrase a Zen saying, I had focused on the finger and not the moon. Now I try to evaluate personal disappointment and failures in the light of "Is this a reasonable goal failure or is it merely my bruised ego?". I have also tried to stop narrowly planning my future and the use of my talents down narrow pathways and tried to remain open to new opportunities that are a good sue for my talents within the community and my work.
I still struggle with this but I no longer feel like the hungry ghost of my past.
life. Then try and understand that there are no failures in life, if you're smart they should only be learning experiences.
Namaste
here's a link to the site: http://www.dyermovie.com/
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“Thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning, for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true, at evening will have become a lie.” - Carl Gustav Jung
All the best,
Todd
I really don't know how to help, but it's good that you're here. It is a start. I have trouble talking to this friend because anything that comes from me as advice just reinforces his feeling of failure. All I can do is infuse him with hope for the better, even though I know deep down that he can be happy with the present. I have tried to help him by telling him that he will never be happy by using someone else as a measuring stick. He only gets defensive though.
Such a difficult situation, and I can see your plight. Knowing Buddhism, I feel, will help you overcome this feeling of failure. You have the tools to properly examine your emotions, and having that puts you a step toward emotional relief.
I also remembered a saying I heard once that is apropos. "Pain in inevitable. Suffering is optional".
If you're torturing yourself just on the basis of a mental tape someone planted in you, change the tape. On the other hand, if you do an assessment of your life and think there might be emotional/psychological obstacles, address that. In the West, it can be difficult for men (are you male?), because they have much higher expectations put on them. Small daily gestures to bring happiness to people's lives count. We can't all be Gandhi or Bill Gates.
(Besides, have you ever noticed that some of those "successful" people are real jerks? Think about how you may be defining "success".) Best wishes.
But I like that video you posted @person .
By releasing all of these without resisting the energy of the heart flows correctly and you feel good.
Common? Yes. Dumb and dumber ... also yes.
In my youth, everyone told me I was very talented as a musician. When the path towards a career in that area didn't come to fruition, I became discouraged and bitter. Later in life, I was approached by a fellow musician to help with teaching youth and setting up community programs around music and related arts. While it is not the career I had scripted, it has been very fulfilling use of those talents and it has given me opportunities to play with wonderful people that my original vision of a musical career would have never given me. It has also helped me give something back to the community I live in.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/various/bl014.html.
it is titled "I know how to lose", but it is in spanish.