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Self-discipline: how to have it?
I wasn't taught self-discipline. Grew up spoiled silly, lazy, childish and irresponsible. Thing is, I'm so undisciplined, I don't know where to begin. Don't want to go into details, but everything someone responsible and grown is supposed to do, I don't do it. I'm a 22yo woman, but I behave like a 16yo boy. I've tried numerous times to change, and it always fails miserably. Only managed to change very few, relatively unimportant things about my behavior after nearly 3 years of trials and give-ups, one after another. I would like to speak to a therapist eventually, but I'm more interested in what Buddhism has to say so I've checked out Buddhist resources. Unfortunately that only confused me a lot. It says you can't be forceful. But you can't be too lax either. The middle way, sure. But how does that apply to becoming self-disciplined? If I try not to force myself to meditate every day, I won't ever meditate, except once every couple of months or perhaps less. If I try not to be lax, I'll push myself so hard, I will lose interest in meditation altogether. What exactly is the middle way regarding this then?
Thanks a lot for your time.