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a "worthwhile" life
genkaku
Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
If I'm not mistaken, many of us would like to live a worthwhile life -- a life touched by satisfaction and some sort of peace. And I imagine -- as Buddhists or even not -- many of us could likewise go on a bit about how and why a worthwhile life was, well, "worthwhile."
My question is this: Is considering a life "worthwhile" a help or a hindrance?
What do you think?
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As Dakini said, focus on compassion and let things sort themselves out...
Some people derive satisfaction from travel, others family, to me "worthwhile" means that which makes us want to take the time to engage in something that gives satisfaction on some level.
Of course there are those altruistic folks that give because it's innate to who they are. The soup kitchen workers, hospice nurses, volunteers in general. They do it out of love/compassion more than gaining their own satisfaction because they have a connection or feeling for others in need. Just my .02
and then there is a part of me that wishes i had become an explorer in this life and or rich and traveled all over the world. oh, well. what is worthwhile to one person isn't to another.
Curious comment about defining compassion. Isn't that what Buddhism is all about? For some people compassion comes naturally. For others, Buddhism shows the way.
Nature, thru its countless eons of evolution cannot be wrong!. You are part of the nature. And you are where you supposed to be. At this time, at this space. It cannot be the other way. Tomorrow, no matter what happens, is still be perfect.
Without you, there will be no existence. Dependant origination. You make it happen, all of us do. Without you, I have no ground to stay. Thats why it is worthwhile.
For example, would you say a 13 year old giving up 6 hours a day on 8 Saturdays working in a soup kitchen for the homeless is compassionate?
It is the kind of thinking about our life as a story. The story of us. We take pride in it, or we are ashamed about it. We struggle to make it turn out right or we try to come to terms with the fact that it turned out all wrong.
All of this is illusion and suffering.
We are free.
There is no story-line no plot.
We are here and now and it is as it is. That’s all.
Or I could say “just be”.
Lol
I think much of my unhappiness comes from "feeling" my efforts and occupations are not worthwhile relative to what I might have done, might have been.... I am older and can catalogue my failures and inadequacies with some accuracy( this I seldom do anymore).
That said, I recognize the desire( the key word , eh?) to BE other than what as I am at this moment as fruitless ( thanks for the help my Buddhist brothers). Actions taken to change ( a craving for the worthwhile perhaps- but the benign sort I think) are better than dwelling on thoughts; especially thoughts of the past. I try to make plans and stick with them ( the worthwhile sort) while recognizing and creating ( being aware) accomplishments ( "the worthwhile life" ) that are positive for me and all concerned.
Then, even if I dwell on these latter worthwhile endeavors ( perish the thought), I don't have to root around hating myself.
(Insert list of platitudinous, "worthwhile", endeavors here)
Now, which way is up?
Learn as if you'll live forever.
With regards to the question about the 13 year old, it depends on why he/she's doing it. If he/she's doing it because there's a cute 13 year old person of the appropriate gender (i.e. the one he/she is attracted to) doing the same and he/she wants to get lucky with him/her, then no, I probably wouldn't say compassion was the driving force.
As for genkaku's question, do people really go around wondering if this or that action or choice or lifestyle is "worthwhile"? Focus on doing what's right for you, and what benefits others, stick with the precepts and compassion as your guide, and you'll do alright. Meditating on death is a good way of clarifying priorities and helping you realize what's important in life. I'm sorry, I'm not able to relate to the "worthwhile" thing. What Compassionate Warrior said makes sense: having a sense of purpose in life makes everything you choose to do that's in line with that sense of purpose "worthwhile".
Also I am failing to make the connection between what I said in response to the soup kitchen question and this question. Are these two kids the same person, by any chance?
The soup kitchen kid won an award for his "humanitarian service" to the soup kitchen. BUT -- the service he did fulfilled a public service REQUIREMENT for passing from 8th grade. So, an auditorium full of people thought he was compassionate. I sat there thinking he wasn't.
Here's the issue in the bully situation. The parents of the bully (he had a deserved reputation of being a bully) came in and pleaded me not to expel or suspend him...to be compassionate. So, I didn't do so. Then, a couple of months later he beat up another kid. So this time I gave him the fair punishment -- a 5 day suspension with the warning that the next issue would lead to a recommendation for expulsion. Time passed. He did it again. He was expelled. So, was I right in being compassionate the first time...even though that resulted in 2 more kids being beat up and suffering?
My point here is that compassion (or at least what some people would call compassion) doesn't always solve problems.
Of course there is abuse, there is punishment out of anger, but discipline isn't generally undertaken with malicious intent. In this we can see that punishment can be a part of compassionate action. Parents who try to raise their kids without spanking them etc. usually find out they have kids that grow up to be out of control or tend toward criminality; few pull it off successfully, as there's an art to raising children without physical punishment. We learn from pain more quickly, and more effectively, as this is a natural and ingrained part of our mentality.
Time outs alone don't work... just look at our prison systems. People get out and are more skilled and less likely to be caught than they were when they went in. That doesn't rehabilitate many at all. Read Starship Troopers, that book really explains it well how the entire society went wrong and lead to how bad things are now compared to many decades ago.
In another sense of the question, I think if we live genuinely and keep open minded then that is worthwhile. If we contribute our part. Sometimes that is just getting through the day! Which is to say that many 'practices' are worthwhile.
Or basicly what @zenff said
This is why what may seem like a failure is really worthwhile. It is your dharma practice to keep making mistakes. The important thing is to notice the space in a situation. Say the anger. Notice the space that happens and that you don't have to respond like a knee jerk. Gradually all the knots get untied as our wisdom nature shines when 'we' get out of the way.
The award was for 'humanitarian service', which it still was regardless of the reason behind him doing it. If it was a 'compassion award' I would see why you have an issue with it.
It sounds like you did the best you could with the bully. You gave him the benefit of the doubt, he abused your trust again, and there were consequences. That's life.
They also need to be dealt with as compassionately as the victims of bullying -and sometimes sensitive counselling together with anti-bullying educational strategies can get to the root of the problem.
Alan
But I'd like to be able to think of my life as worthwhile. I need some vision/goal, whether spiritual or "ordinary" or whatever, to orient my life towards it, to give it meaning. Otherwise I'm just drifting along. That's how it's been for years.
On the bully thing, I think you did the right thing. I know that walking in as a sub for years you have to make a call and once chance is a good one.
otherwise, you would live it differently.
unless, you are one of those people who complains but
choose to do nothing.
If we want to live a worthwhile life that is not subject to interference, then we need to base our definition of "worthwhile" not on externals such as a good career or a perfect family, but rather on the contents of our character and the choices we make. In the words of the philosopher Epictetus, who lived much of his life as a slave:
"Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions. The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others.
"Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed."
Alan