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Balance
So I said I didn't want to come here for a few days but I cannot deny I need some help in gaining perspective. Last few days I've been feeling lots of energy, to the point of feeling like people are charmed by my mere presence and that I attract things to me. I've also experienced lots of synchronicity.
It goes without saying that this big shift was not 100% comfortable as far as my love of grounding and detachment is concerned.
My question concerns balance. I can't know for certain but I have this intuition that this empty-mind properties can be as much of a hindrance as a "normal" mind. I'm someone with an almost innate distrust of extremes. I don't want anything to do with enlightenment since I don't know what it is, and I'm not sure I want to find out. I just want a balance life and change to be slow and progressive. My mind is constantly inquiring as to whether "wu wei" action (the closest term I found, sorry if it's not strictly buddhist) is what enabled evil people in history to do what they did.
I've also become kind of conscious I'm slightly anxious about my own potential power, if that makes sense. I'm feeling I finally have a chance to have some abundance in my life for a change. No money, no romance, no enjoyable activity
Is the mind but one big confirmation bias machine? Or does it really have power to shape reality? What is the buddhist take on this?
If I have essentially two modes at my disposal...that of mind and no-mind, why should I trust buddhist teachers saying I should stay in no-mind and not pay attention to the mind? I don't like extremes.
It goes without saying that this big shift was not 100% comfortable as far as my love of grounding and detachment is concerned.
My question concerns balance. I can't know for certain but I have this intuition that this empty-mind properties can be as much of a hindrance as a "normal" mind. I'm someone with an almost innate distrust of extremes. I don't want anything to do with enlightenment since I don't know what it is, and I'm not sure I want to find out. I just want a balance life and change to be slow and progressive. My mind is constantly inquiring as to whether "wu wei" action (the closest term I found, sorry if it's not strictly buddhist) is what enabled evil people in history to do what they did.
I've also become kind of conscious I'm slightly anxious about my own potential power, if that makes sense. I'm feeling I finally have a chance to have some abundance in my life for a change. No money, no romance, no enjoyable activity
Is the mind but one big confirmation bias machine? Or does it really have power to shape reality? What is the buddhist take on this?
If I have essentially two modes at my disposal...that of mind and no-mind, why should I trust buddhist teachers saying I should stay in no-mind and not pay attention to the mind? I don't like extremes.
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Comments
The mental health danger is one thing. There is also a danger that you will become out of touch with the suffering in the world and become heedless. This is probably too complicated for me too explain but I know you have had some difficult times from former posts and don't you think you developed a richness of spirit from them?
There was a story to this effect in the book the never ending story. There were these beings who were very sad and they cried a pool of silver which the mystical city marveled at. Bastion the boy who wished fantasia back into existence made a wish that they would be happy and jovial and they were transformed into mischevious gremlins, the schlamoofs.
Later bastion was trapped in fantasia and he had to find one memory to bring him back to the world and heal the divide. He was mining these mica memories and trying to find the right one. Eventually he found one of his father whom he had had trouble with but loved dearly. The schlamoofs then came and they were so reckless that they wanted to destroy his memory which was like a big slide of mica with the vision of his past contained. Thats at the end of the book but you see how the sadness kind of has a silver lining and too much dopamine can make you act innapropriately, like you laugh at someone who is suffering to escape the (your own) pain/confusion.
You ask if I think I developed richness of spirit...well, I've found a completely different mode of existing, yes. Whether that is good or bad however...
I want to trust my own perceptions and decisions. And I never had such problem when I suffered. So yes, I do think there is always something good to pain. It tells you something is wrong with your body. Suffering tells you something is bad with your mind I guess. When I have an orgasm I don't have to over thinking (although I have been very conscious from an early age about the pitfalls of getting attached to sexual pleasure). Everyone says that. I don't want things to change. I can't be waiting for the grass to get greener for the rest of my life. I can't always wait for everything to fix itself. I want to enjoy life. I just want to act without a sense of guilt, talk without a sense of guilt. I came to buddhism because I saw how my actions and words sometimes affected other people and how I was stuck in life. I'm naturally an extrovert....suffering made me go inside. First about subjective perception of the world and myself (hence my propensity for relativity). Now my outward movement seems to want to create but I've never had to deal with responsibility in this fashion.
Now that things seem to be flowing the other way.....I mean, I just don't why why the hell should I believe there is something fundamentally wrong with people. No one tells a vulcano he is doing something wrong.
I guess this is why I said I needed a break from this forum before. I've always felt grounded in reality. Now I feel I must bear the burden of all my conditioning all by myself throughout life. And if there is (IF) a stop to all of that it's probably gonna be something animalistic form of existence or the total opposite. This Buddha guy is just another human being believing in what he wants to believe and making his own experience...and still subject to being bored and trying something different after that. So I guess asking what is real is a moot point.
Wanting unconditional happiness is all fine and dandy, but is it wise to go to an extreme to found it out? Who knows what lies beyond it? Is it that compassionate towards others, to want to find out??
If you can do that, personally I don't see any problem.
Baba Ram Dass one day asked to Maharaj ji how to become enlightened. And he replied: Help people and feed the poor...
It can be as simple as that - if you can do it.
Just follow your hearth and be light in the mind/in the body.
Guilt is the worst you can do. Take a deep breath and relax.
If there is enlightenment, it should come to you naturally if you keep your intentions good - without yourself or anybody forcing it upon you.
Taking a break is a good idea...be mindful and be aware of your actions though, otherwise you may harm others for your own benefit...
everything starts from the mind. reality is a mirror to the mind.
i'd suggest going somewhere quiet for a while. just relax for a couple months.
waking up can take a while to get used to. gradually do things and do not be impulsive.
follow your heart. bring all your emphasis and attention on your heart chakra. rest in being. then all natural wisdom will present itself and all activity will be pure.
you say you don't want enlightenment. question this. why is it that you don't want your inherent freedom?
you deserve it. stop clinging to the story.
in my opinion i think you should just like, go eat a pear lol and in your mind be like yo i'm eating a pear, at least then you'll have a normal thought.. most of what you say is self-inflicted confusion
If it makes any sense, I'm afraid enlightenment might make me an instrument of evil. I think that ultimate reality is much more complex people give it credit for...and I think violence and death and bad things in general have as much of a role to play in reality as good and butterflies. I'm reminded of people like Hitler or rapists or whatever else...if what the Buddha said is true then there is no reason why such people could have been instruments of enlightenment. Like enlightened beings allowing themselves to be hated by everyone in order to carry out a part no one will understand in the great scheme of things.
Anyone can dismiss my or anyone else's thoughts on these topics....the truth of the matter is, enlightenment doesn't happen in one go. There is a lot of dread and confusion in between...with no assurance whether you'll be free of all of it until you die...you could be an instrument of madness, violence, and everything else by bringing consciousness into your own being...which is everything.
You could have a certain sense of peace in the background and be Hitler or a rapist in the foreground...but worse than that you can be stuck in limbo doing all those things.
non duality also accept the duality of life. so there is right and wrong.
you cannot rape someone and have a peaceful state of mind, that is pure insanity.
see this is the biggest problem i find with those who awaken partially to truth.
go deeper and rest with it for a while. read what the buddha wrote and what he laid out. there is a function/purpose for all of his teachings.
i sent you a link that will help you substantially on your path of awakening. check your inbox.
please listen to and open up to what is. then all is clear and correct function will be obvious.
Btw, thanks for the thought, but I actually haven't got anything on my inbox apparently. But I would gladly take some pointers