Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Buddhism and Sex.
DaltheJigsaw
Mountain View Veteran
Buddhism and Sex
This is an age in which sexual matters are discussed with great openness. There are many who are puzzled to know what the Buddhist attitude towards sex is, and it is therefore to be hoped that the following guidelines may be found helpful towards an understanding. It is, of course, true to say that Buddhism, in keeping with the principle of the Middle Way, would advocate neither extreme puritanism nor extreme permissiveness, but this, as a guiding principle without further specification, may not seem sufficiently helpful for most people.
In the first place, we must distinguish between the rules undertaken by Buddhist monks for their own conduct, and any guiding principles for lay people.
The Bhikkhu
A bhikkhu, or fully-ordained monk in the Theravada tradition, has taken upon himself a set of 227 rules of conduct. The aim of all of these is to enable him to conduct himself in such a way as is most conducive to the attaining of Enlightenment. The rules are voluntarily undertaken, and if a monk feels unable to live up to them, he is free to leave the Order, which is considered much more honorable than hypocritically remaining in the robe while knowingly infringing the rule. There are four basic rules, infringement of which is termed Parajika or "Defeat," and involves irrevocable expulsion from the Order. The only one we are concerned with here is the first, which deals with sexual intercourse.
Complete sexual continence is considered an essential feature of the monastic life. Intercourse of a heterosexual or homosexual character is automatically a Parajika offense. A monk who performs such an act is considered to have expelled himself from the Order, and is no longer in communion with the other monks. Any acts of a sexually unbecoming nature falling short of intercourse result in suspension and require expiation. Samaneras, or novice monks, who break their training in this respect are disrobed.
The same principle applies to the Mahayana schools and of course, to nuns in those schools where they exist. There is no such thing as a "married monk," though in certain schools, especially in Japan, a form of "quasi-monasticism" with married teachers who retain a form of ordination is permitted under certain conditions. But all this has no relevance to the Theravada Sangha.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/walshe/wheel225.html
This is an age in which sexual matters are discussed with great openness. There are many who are puzzled to know what the Buddhist attitude towards sex is, and it is therefore to be hoped that the following guidelines may be found helpful towards an understanding. It is, of course, true to say that Buddhism, in keeping with the principle of the Middle Way, would advocate neither extreme puritanism nor extreme permissiveness, but this, as a guiding principle without further specification, may not seem sufficiently helpful for most people.
In the first place, we must distinguish between the rules undertaken by Buddhist monks for their own conduct, and any guiding principles for lay people.
The Bhikkhu
A bhikkhu, or fully-ordained monk in the Theravada tradition, has taken upon himself a set of 227 rules of conduct. The aim of all of these is to enable him to conduct himself in such a way as is most conducive to the attaining of Enlightenment. The rules are voluntarily undertaken, and if a monk feels unable to live up to them, he is free to leave the Order, which is considered much more honorable than hypocritically remaining in the robe while knowingly infringing the rule. There are four basic rules, infringement of which is termed Parajika or "Defeat," and involves irrevocable expulsion from the Order. The only one we are concerned with here is the first, which deals with sexual intercourse.
Complete sexual continence is considered an essential feature of the monastic life. Intercourse of a heterosexual or homosexual character is automatically a Parajika offense. A monk who performs such an act is considered to have expelled himself from the Order, and is no longer in communion with the other monks. Any acts of a sexually unbecoming nature falling short of intercourse result in suspension and require expiation. Samaneras, or novice monks, who break their training in this respect are disrobed.
The same principle applies to the Mahayana schools and of course, to nuns in those schools where they exist. There is no such thing as a "married monk," though in certain schools, especially in Japan, a form of "quasi-monasticism" with married teachers who retain a form of ordination is permitted under certain conditions. But all this has no relevance to the Theravada Sangha.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/walshe/wheel225.html
0
Comments
But this is just precepts. As our practice advances, we should learn more than just 'what not to do', and should develop our skilfulness in loving compassion, including in sexual situations. For me, this means loving devotion to my wife at the exclusion of others (sexually). It also means skilful education of my sons, as they grow older, about how to treat women with respect: primarily by example, but also by explanation if needed.
And of course, even as lay Buddhists we do well to remember that sexual lust is yet another form of craving that may lead to suffering.
I think it can be part of a normal, healthy, sex life, but - like all sexual matters - we should keep it clean and question ourselves if it becomes something that leads us away from loving, mindful, compassion.
Namaste
Interesting! Thank you!
Something to ponder on.
Re: sex for lay people - well, they don't call us 'lay' people for nothin'.
But seriously, folks...if lay people abstained as well then eventually there would be no-one left to practice Buddhism - assuming that Huxley's vision in Brave New World doesn't become reality...
I love the openness in Buddhism
So its a therapy to get rid of desire. Desire is our common problem and therefor not an evil in general but something that needs to be overcome. *smile*
If we dont reduce our desires we are full of defilement as well as guidance and we are not able to gain real good mindfulness and concentration to gain insight to free our self.
Beware of the "confidence trickster"!
Check out Open to Desire: The Truth About What the Buddha Taught for an interesting perspective on this.
Wanting to get rid of desire is desire itself, no?
I prefer the Dharma that embraces life.
*smile*
For sure the participator of "we" are increasing in the same amount the world population grows. We might not find Maitreya under such a mass of embracers.
"When we see Hindus worshiping Siva lingas it looks strange to us, but actually everyone in the world worships the Siva linga — i.e., they worship sex, simply that the Hindus are the only ones who are open about it. Sex is the creator of the world. The reason we're all born is because we worship the Siva linga in our hearts."
from:
"Awareness Itself", by Ajaan Fuang Jotiko, compiled and Translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu (Geoffrey DeGraff). Access to Insight, 16 June 2011, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/thai/fuang/itself.html . Retrieved on 19 October 2011.
Hey, from a distance it might look like a smile.
Are we done with the facial expressions now?
What we actually enjoy when the stress of pleasure arises is the release of it. So we cross the line of peace always a very short time.
But that is much to fast to observe and also has unwholesome side effects, that is way the Buddha told to reduce it step by step. *smile*
From abusing to amicable
from amicable to less
from less to non
and if non one may get rid of all other desires as well.
*smile*
@Hanzze where do u draw the line? surely eating is a biological need or death ensues - or is the avoidance of death something else to be reduced? And if eating is not a desire to be reduced then its OK to eat cake? And if cake is to be reduced what about bread? Which breads are acceptable?
In writing those questions the similarity between trying to define the distinction between a desire and a need is like trying to define me. And as we all know there is no me. So in effect I've just answered my own question: there are no such things as needs and a desires - they are empty of inherent existence.
Food for a few meditation sessions...
But maybe you like to explain why some of this empty things keep provide just the function or the body and others have just stressful effects.
Don't tell that you are forced to do things. *smile*
Right action:
"And what is right action? Abstaining from taking life, abstaining from stealing, abstaining from unchastity. This is called right action."
— SN 45.8
A life lived skillfully
"Having thus gone forth, following the training & way of life of the monks, abandoning the taking of life, he abstains from the taking of life. He dwells with his rod laid down, his knife laid down, scrupulous, kind, compassionate for the welfare of all living beings. Abandoning the taking of what is not given, he abstains from taking what is not given. He takes only what is given, accepts only what is given, lives not by stealth but by means of a self that has become pure. Abandoning uncelibacy, he lives a celibate life, aloof, refraining from the sexual act that is the villager's way."
— AN X 99
A layperson's skillfulness
"And how is one made pure in three ways by bodily action? There is the case where a certain person, abandoning the taking of life, abstains from the taking of life. He dwells with his rod laid down, his knife laid down, scrupulous, merciful, compassionate for the welfare of all living beings. Abandoning the taking of what is not given, he abstains from taking what is not given. He does not take, in the manner of a thief, things in a village or a wilderness that belong to others and have not been given by them. Abandoning sensual misconduct, he abstains from sensual misconduct. He does not get sexually involved with those who are protected by their mothers, their fathers, their brothers, their sisters, their relatives, or their Dhamma; those with husbands, those who entail punishments, or even those crowned with flowers by another man. This is how one is made pure in three ways by bodily action."
— AN X 176
more details on samma kammanto:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/dhamma/sacca/sacca4/samma-kammanto/
In any case, I hope we both graduate soon.
*grin*
Maybe there are schools with and 7 or 6 fold path, I don't know. I thought there would be not problem with 8. *smile*
Unless you put them into practice, you won't know, "traditional" teachings or otherwise.
Second, the idea that Pali Canon is the "truest" because it's the oldest surviving account of the Buddha's teachings is becoming somewhat an obsolete view in the eyes of scholars.
As for 8-fold path, all schools share it, as I'm sure you know.
Actually its very simple *smile* Its totally ok if you can bring up hand down Sutras as well regarding the 8 fold path, maybe we can get some mystics disappear and keep it as simple as taught.
I like both sex and Buddhism:
*smile*
It is my understanding (as faulty as that might be)that the fundamental ideas central to Buddhism are the three marks of existence; dukkha, inconstance, and not-self, and kamma, our actions bring consequnces. What these have to do specifically with sex I just don't see it. The idea that some how sex is some extra special desire that needs to be quashed is rediculous. I have a desire for calm, peace, to read to paint, to eat, to sleeep, to be healthy, to stay employed, to have shelter and yes I have the desire to have sex with my wife. They are all forms of desire and sure they ALL can result in dukkha and that happens when we are not mindful and forget the other two marks, that all of these things are not self and they are all impermenant. Our clinging and attachment is what brings on dukkha. One's desire to be rid of desires is just more clinging.
As far as I know those extra rules were created to improve life in the camps of people that followed Siddhartha. There were lots of lay people/unenlightened mixing around and I suspect too many midnight forays were resulting in tears and other recriminations.
*smile* There is no problem with it, but it would not help much but giving additional headache if one seriously tries to practice.
I thinks its quite simply to understand, or do you think it comes by it self without effort. Something like a fivefold Path. *smile*
So there is only one noble desire, and the rest is harmful, does not help others and not one self, led to suffering, birth and death.
Indeed, clinging to the concept of Nibbana is still clinging, and will prevent insight from arising.
Sorry for having banned, may you do wrong deeds not in return and see the quality and benefit of forgive and patient, regarding your self and others.
Also the many medical 'dangers' of masturbation that were listed on the website are just bizzare! Why would these dangers be limited to masturbation and not mentioned in connection to the sacred 'transmuting' sex that they advertise?
Anyway there seemed to be a lot of effort put into saying taking care of yourself is wrong and you will burn in hell and go blind if you do. I think there are probably better sources of information than this website.
One book I've read was by Diana Richardson and from that I'd recommend her books to everyone.
Thank you so much!
About that sacred sex site: it shows that tantra was common to most main religions. Some of the Gnostic sects practiced it. If you really want more practical information about tantra, check out: www.aypsite.org (Advanced Yoga Practices)