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Meditations to help stop beating oneself up...anyone know of any?

TomboTombo
edited March 2012 in Buddhism Basics
I'm kind of a start-stop newbie to meditation,and don't really know of which specific meditations to help counter this problem.

Can any of you wise people help?

Thanks!

Comments

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    What are you beating yourself up over?
    Buddhism would tell you that's a no-no with or without meditation.
    the fact that you are beating yourself up is unskillful and you need to address why you think it necessary to do that at all.
  • TomboTombo
    What are you beating yourself up over?
    Buddhism would tell you that's a no-no with or without meditation.
    the fact that you are beating yourself up is unskillful and you need to address why you think it necessary to do that at all.
    Well, it's just been an incredibly tough time for the last couple of years or so ( relationship break up, social isolation, bankruptcy)...I'm not whining or anything...it is what it is, and I'm dealing with it ( I think!). Negative,self-condemning thoughts bubble up frequently.

    The thing is, I read that to better address stressful issues,you need to develop equanimity...and to achieve equanimity,you need to develop a clear,empty mind, not snagged by troubling thoughts. I know that people like Pema Chodron have some specific meditations ( Tonglen? ) that address painful emotions,but apart from that, I really don't know where to start! ;-)
  • IronRabbitIronRabbit Veteran
    Lojong is the first thing that comes to mind in that it is a practice for refining and purifying ones motivations and attitudes. This might be for more for advanced practitioners but looking through the aphorisms there might be some that help.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lojong

    Vipassana or Vipasyana or Vipashyana (all the same thing but spelled differently from different sources) is mindfulness meditiation - and is designed to help the practitioner see things as they really are. In other words - seeing the practitioner as both a weak, misguided, fallible human - and a noble, luminous buddha in the making.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vipassanā

    Bodhicitta is another directed meditation which refers to a state of mind in which the practitioner works for the good of all beings as if it were his own. Including the self in this intention might help with self loathing. Again, probably for advanced practitioners but becoming aware of its tenets may be helpful.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bodhicitta

    Then there is simply mindful awareness in the moment that when thoughts arise they are only thoughts - not necessarily the absolute truth - and they pass away. UNLESS - we cling to them and string more thoughts and memories together that seem to substantiate them - thus creating a delusional story about "little old me". It is not easy to let go of what Eckhart Tolle refers to as the "Pain Body" because of the very strong ego identification one has with it - but it is possible. It requires acknowledging the presence of the "Pain Body" but not allowing it to run the show - so to speak. Naturally, there is work and discipline involved beyond the "Aha!' moment - just as in meditation.

    http://www.amazon.com/Living-Liberated-Life-Dealing-Pain/dp/1564559459

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    edited March 2012
    instead of starting with a specific meditation, try stilling the mind, watching the thoughts, and just letting them pass...
    You would not believe the utter bumrush i have been through in the past 8 - yes, read that again - 8 years.
    And i know it's far from over yet. i reckon I'm in for at least another 2 - 3 lean, mean and incredibly unkind years.....
    but apart from having a damn good vent here, and offloading onto the shoulders of some very sympathetic and kind friends - i just have to grin and bear it, and keep on keeping on.
    So really, stilling the mind by just sitting and breathing, is a great start.....
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think The liminal space Veteran
    The particular kind of meditations that directly oppose that are the ones about loving kindness and compassion such as metta or tonglen.
  • TomboTombo
    Thank you, guys for your very quick and considered responses. I'm going to look into all of your recommendations whole-heartedly.

    @federica- sorry to hear of your bumrush! I hear you,believe me. But, just out of interest, was it the challenging times that you had,and are having, that led you to buddhism? I know that that is the case for me.
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    no, i decided Buddhism was my calling, around 20 years ago....
    things were pretty cool and ok then.... but i guess every path has it's pitfalls, challenges, hurdles and testing times....
    following a path is easy when everything is hunky-dory...it's easy to smile, and float above it all, when 'it all' doesn't actually matter..... the real test comes when the brown poo-stuff hits the fan.
    And you find you're up to your bottom lip in a whole lake of it.
    At which moment, the devil decides it might be an excellent time to go water-skiing.....
  • AMHAMH
    I would start the same place as any other action that holds us back (and I am great at beating myself up).

    Notice the body when you start the process of beating on yourself. Where is your tension, what is your body feeling, do you crave something? just noticing is a place to start.

    Then I would move onto the 'why', what is triggering this? What feelings are related?

    Then I would meditate and treat the beatup thoughts as no more or less important than any other thought you are clinging to. And would you treat your friend or another person the way you are treating yourself? Probably not.

    It is another simple but not easy.
  • SabreSabre Veteran
    edited March 2012
    Negative, self-condemning thoughts an indicator of ill-will towards oneself. Although they may also work, the best counter to this is not mindfulness or vipassana as some suggested, but metta.


    Google yourself, I'm sure you will find something!

    Traditionally, metta starts with oneself as the object of loving kindness, but if you find that hard, it is also possible to start with someone else, or a pet animal (made up or real) or whatever you feel comfortable starting with.

    Sabre
  • DaozenDaozen Veteran
    edited March 2012
    For some reason, when I read the title of this post, I thought "up" said "off".

    When I realised my mistake, I laughed and wondered why that happened.

    In any case, when the world is so tough, you should at least go easy on yourself.

    Namaste
  • weightedweighted Veteran
    I agree with some of the others. Metta meditation has been very beneficial to me in dark times.
  • shanyinshanyin Novice Yogin Sault Ontario Veteran
    edited March 2012
    My teachers thought is that a crucial part of meditation is developing loving kindness towards oneself and that many people these days have a negative self image

    http://www.arrowriver.ca/dhamma/protmed.html

    I kinda like you already :P
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