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Preparing For Death
ThailandTom
Veteran
So what can you do to prepare for death of those in your family who you are really quite close to? I remember Ajahn Brahm saying that he did not cry when his father died. This means one of two things, either his dad was sick for a while and he knew that his time was soon to come, or that Brahm was prepared mentally and knew that life was easy to take away. Either way, it takes quite a lot of mindfulness to not shed a tear when a close one dies, then again the guy is a monk so...
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I think you can prepare for their death when it is expected, by spending time with them, being involved with the process.
There was a lot of hands on managing for me and my siblings for many months before my mother died and it did not happen a moment too soon. Still, we cried as she passed away. Most people do.
If a death is sudden and untimely, you pretty much have to take what ever comes in the way of grief. Not much you can do except be mindful of the feelings that wash over you.
I hope to be prepared and conscious for the most significant event of my life.
http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/7856/here039s-one-for-you#Item_15
"The Tibetan Book of the Dead: The Great Book of Natural Liberation Through Understanding in the Between" ~ Padma Sambhava (Compiler), Robert Thurman (Translator)
"The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" ~ Sogyal Rinpoche
I believe this book can be an aid, irrespective of the tradition you may follow.
@federica thank you very much for the re-post of that link, it was very useful to read and I respect how you have treated the situation with your father passing a lot. It was very is insightful just to read
@Zero I understand what you are saying, but for example my mum I have not seen her for over 2 years now, and I am not likely to for a while. She has been offered a package to leave her job if she wants, she has sent off the letter saying she wants to take it after a lot of thinking and now it is up to the big boss. If so she said she would come and visit me wherever I happen to be. It is mainly my mum who I am scared of losing. I am quite attached to her, I know that. Emotionally and also because when she dies I am basically on my tod, alone. I have my GF but the rest of my family do not exist or care, I have an estranged father and I speak to my sister now and then. I have more recently tried building bridges, but they take a while to build after the reputation this black sheep has. The last thing that makes me sad even to think about now is how much of a supreme example of a decent human being my mum is, but she has been dealt some very unlucky cards in her life, and I know she suffers for it.
I've been managing on my own, trying to become less co-dependent and becoming more emotionally self-sufficient...maturity and dealing with my own death has played a part...and faith.
I also spend a lot of time with the elderly and realize that we pretty much end up alone towards the end, specially if we grow to be really really old... but that's okay... I also try to nurture friendships wherever I can and they have become part of my ALison Clan/Tribe so it's like a family... maybe it's my innate ability to make friends with everyone but I would be happy too, in a foreign land by myself and find people there too...so don't fret.
family isn't about bloodlines anyway... you'll have an oppurtunity to meet all kinds of wonderful people in your life that you may consider family or closer than family... after so many posts you have, talking about your dad, I don't really consider him your family...
and your home right now is with your girlfriend... perhaps one day, maybe you will have a family of your own, natural or adoption...
Yes my father, he really is not a father to me anymore and it has been that way for a long time. I would not be all that sad when he dies, I know that. I would have a sense of compassion for him in the sense I know deep down the guy is operating under delusion and ignorance, he doesn't know how to find happiness. But I would have more compassion for his most recent kids who have been thrown into chaos over his divorce, the 3rd major breakup. I really feel for those kids.
I don't think I am going to live all that long, so I doubt I will outlive my friends, but my GF is 42 and I don't really think about the next 10-20 years to be honest. But my friend a the pharmacy joked around saying I would be lucky to reach 45-50. I know this myself though to be quite true.
Thanks for the posts everyone, I need to buy some books as there is a list mounting up now :-/
there is no reason to believe, you'll see 100... buddhist have a great way of managing stress as it is.
But i've read that people have an innate ability to tell when they are going to die or how old... I will be a very old lady.. i have a very good healthy body...
sigh... i will see all my friends die and probably marry quite alot! lol
And yes, 240am I cannot sleep. That is another thing my sleeping is way out. I also have not forgotten the book, thanks
You seem quite healthy, but i think I wouldn't mind analysing your blood under a microscope...hm, that sounded like I was hitting on you!
lol...atleast, in the nerdiest way possible! But @person is right... you could probably still run like you did.. your muscles will remember.
Unless, perhaps, you are just tired of suffering in the world and don't want to live more than is necessary.. . you may be one of the few that is punished for living a crappy teenage life and now you will have to live until you are 113...
if that's so, join the club! Only the good die young!
@Lady_Alison yes i took over 900 E's in about 4 years. Me and one friend were crazy with E, we use to keep count every weekend and at one point I was taking 12-16 a night. We use to take LSD and ketamine with it as well sometimes. But it is good to hear that one can redeem their body over a period of time. I will work towards that for sure. I already practice yoga now and then, time to get back to running me thinks. Thanks for the post people.
Also some cells get replaced faster than others, the cells in the stomach lining, for example, replace themselves every 2 days.
At 23 you can be a strong as you want to be. Unless you have a disability of course.
Don't let your past drug use be a cause to believe that you cannot succeed in being strong and healthy.
I took all the drugs I could get my hands on as a teenager. Including huffing solvents and shooting speed and anything else that came along.
In my twenties I took up judo and karate and got quite strong. In my thirties and forties I was focused on working and family life and my conditioning deteriorated. By my mid fifties I thought maybe I was getting arthritis because the stiffness and pain was getting worse. I was also getting over weight and soft.
A year and a half ago I took up weight training and regular exercise. Now I am as strong as I have ever been and the pain is virtually gone. I actually feel better than I did at forty and I'm almost fifty seven.
I figure that if I can keep it up I should be strong into my seventies, unless cancer gets me or an accident. That's what I am shooting for anyway.
At your age you can really pack some muscle on if you try.
I use to huff solvents as well. Man we did some stupid things, me and my mate had this relationship where we were both wreck heads and use to egg each other on to do things. We smoked MDMA, he smoked a cigarette covered in marker pen one night because I suggested it. DMT, cocaine, 2ci 2cb, shrooms, I smoked crack once, then here in Thailand loads and loads of benzos which nearly killed me. Cough syrup, blah I won't go on, it is too shameful really. But I am glad it is passed that is for sure. Yes some times it was fun and spiritual, a closeness with friends like no other, but it really is not a way to live a life.
But thanks on some inspiring words of comfort, there is hope!
But yes, going back to topic, I will need to buy this book I have heard so much about, I have a list of books to purchase thanks to suggestions here
Just Google (or Bing) something like Buddhism and death, or meditation on death, and you'll find a lot of good stuff out there.
Just live well.
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deadlifts / squats / good mornings / lat exercises / backstroke / rowing are all good - start very very light - perfect form (using muscle and not ligaments so its a smaller range of motion) - build up with 2.5kg each week - one body part per day - about 3 exercises with 3 sets of 10-12 reps - I had back problems for ages esp after a car accident - chiropractors / phsio / doctors / shamanic faith healer you name it... it was the shaman who told me to do weights!! Worked for me - took about 2 years of slow progression 5 times a week - 10 years on and no painkillers, no soreness, no physio and no issues...