Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Sign In Register
Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

Is it OK to lust after your wife as a Buddhist?

AstralProjecteeAstralProjectee
edited May 2012 in General Banter
Is it OK to lust after your wife as a Buddhist? Thanks.

Peace!

Comments

  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    Lust is simply desire. Are you attached to it? If Buddhists didn't experience sexual desire for their partners, there wouldn't be any more Buddhists, would there?
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    Buddhism isn't against biology. We are sexual beings. My lama said that sex can be used for good such as loving another. So that would be 'good'. Bad would be craving like a sex addiction. Similar to smoking or eating rich foods. Which is again part of biology of how our brains are set up. Without the 'craving' that component is just the sensitivity of our awareness just as we cheer up when we see sunshine and a lake and we don't like to see a messy sink. It's conditioned but also the awareness is sensitive and that is just an aspect of the mind, the luminosity.
  • personperson Don't believe everything you think The liminal space Veteran
    edited May 2012
    That's not the Buddhist view of things, there's no penalty for breaking the rules. There are 10 negative actions of body, speech and mind, they pretty much cover everything most of us do all the time, so in that respect hardly anything we do is 'OK'. These aren't rules that one gets punished for breaking. The results of karma are similar to the causes, so lusting after your wife would produce a similar result of a commited partner of yours lusting after you in the future. You can decide whether that is ok or not. Buddhism is about finding the causes of suffering and the causes for happiness and engaging in the methods to adjust behavior and thinking so that the results we get are more happiness and less suffering and not really about following a set of rules that we then get rewarded or punished for according to how well we follow them.
  • andyrobynandyrobyn Veteran
    There is nothing intrinsically wrong with sex.
    I am a married person and have not found my practice impacted negatively by continuing to have a sexual relationship with my husband - in fact I have married him after ( 10 years after beginning practice ).
    Where the problems begin is with our human inclination toward attachment and slavery to sense pleasures.
    Also I think that there is problem with the belief that indulgence in sex can bring ultimate happiness, as is often suggested overtly and covertly in our modern society.
    My suggestion is to explore the " lust " you speak of ... it is about you.
  • AstralProjecteeAstralProjectee
    I am not dealing with lust right now in my life. It has been a bit of a problem in the past though.

    Peace!
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    hmm.... I'm kind of at a loss, here. I'd have to say that it depends on how far you want to progress on the path in this lifetime. The Buddha had householder followers who reached Enlightenment, but I think they achieved that by living celibately with their spouses, I'm not 100% sure. But he advised ordinary householders to be devoted to their spouses, and to love each other, he didn't forbid sex, but he did teach that sex leads to attachment, which is an obstacle to Enlightenment. So, it's up to you. If observing the 5 precepts, the 4 Nobles, and walking the Eightfold path, and practicing mindfulness, is enough of a challenge for you in this lifetime, that's still a significant step in the right direction.

    And then...there's always the tantric path, which uses lust to conquer lust and catapult the practitioner/s into an Enlightened state. But that's a very time-consuming path to embark upon. Much study, practice, discipline, etc. etc. It takes years, an enormous commitement. So presumably that's not on your agenda.
  • ToshTosh Veteran
    Mrs Tosh sometimes thinks I don't lust after her enough.

    :-/
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    better to lust after your wife than anyone else's..... :rolleyes: :grumble:
  • sndymornsndymorn Veteran
    ^^ Fed started it.
    I wanted to say we might need photos of his wife to make an informed decision.
  • enkoenko Explorer
    I lust after my partner and yes it is a form of attachment and can cause suffering but to be honest i am comfortable with that......guess enlightenment is not on the cards for this lifetime ....still lots to accomplish though
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    in my honest opinion.
    lust can really get in the way of love.

    like any emotion it objectifies.

    a shit ton of suffering will follow.

    its better to love, which is a form of openness.

    sex then has a completely different flavor.

    but then again what we distinguish between love and lust is very subtle.

    one is pure ego. another is delight in anothers happiness.
  • andyrobynandyrobyn Veteran
    edited May 2012
    I am not dealing with lust right now in my life. It has been a bit of a problem in the past though.

    Peace!
    Hi AstralProjectee ... you used the word lust in the title and opening post, I used it with italics as nothing else you had said had suggested to me that you do have a problem with lust ... now having said that you have had a problem in the area in the past, I think it is wise to be aware, even with your wife.

    I disagree strongly of the need to be celibate to progress in practice - that is my opinion and experience. Having said that, if my marriage and commitments to children and family were not to continue, I would consider a long retreat and the idea of celibacy for this does not deter me in any way.

  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    Mrs Tosh sometimes thinks I don't lust after her enough.
    Mrs. Tosh sounds like a firecracker! Appreciate her. Daily. :D

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator
    I would sincerely hope you do lust after your wife from time to time.

    Otherwise sex just becomes monotonous, tedious and a duty or chore, and you might as well be living with an inflatable room-mate.

    I'm inclined to think this is one of the dumber questions....
  • andyrobynandyrobyn Veteran
    Yes, there is this element to the situation as well ;)
  • andyrobynandyrobyn Veteran
    edited May 2012
    I lust after my partner and yes it is a form of attachment and can cause suffering but to be honest i am comfortable with that......guess enlightenment is not on the cards for this lifetime ....still lots to accomplish though
    Part of the human condition is the relationships we have and do not have and why. I wouldn't be so sure that anything you have said in your post, enko, precludes ongoing development.

  • AstralProjecteeAstralProjectee
    I'm inclined to think this is one of the dumber questions....
    Gee thanks federica. I was just curious what you all would say as Buddhists. I have never known a Buddhist in my life. I grew up a strict Christian.

    Peace!

  • Floating_AbuFloating_Abu Veteran
    Is it OK to lust after your wife as a Buddhist? Thanks.

    Peace!
    I think that's fine, not to mention natural ...

    Keep askin'!
Sign In or Register to comment.