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Does everyone deserve love and happiness?
Bodhivaka
Veteran
A lot of times a just feel like a failure. I'm always depressed because I possess a certain characteristic which society immensely despises (I won't say what it is.) Sometimes I begin to feel happy and then all of a sudden my mind says "You don't deserve to be happy. Society doesn't want you to be happy," and then I go right back into a depression. I just want to have peace, love, and happiness in my life, but I always feel like I don't deserve it.
That's primarily why I'm interested in Buddhism -- the message speaks directly to me (as I suppose it does to everyone) -- the end of suffering and the achievement of peace. In your opinion, does everyone deserve to have happiness, peace, and love? Can Buddhism really help me to obtain such things? How can I end the negative thoughts that make me feel so bad about myself?
That's primarily why I'm interested in Buddhism -- the message speaks directly to me (as I suppose it does to everyone) -- the end of suffering and the achievement of peace. In your opinion, does everyone deserve to have happiness, peace, and love? Can Buddhism really help me to obtain such things? How can I end the negative thoughts that make me feel so bad about myself?
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Comments
I would say you should stick to what works best for you, at the time you need it.
If you're just peckish for a bag of chips, why order steak and all the trimmings?
Lowell, I think with some practise that this 'certain characteristic' could be your best teacher, serious. I'm an alkie (normally despised, misunderstood and seen as weak, dirty individuals by society), and I have lived a rotten life for many years, but it turned out to be the best thing that happened to me, though at the time I couldn't have saw that; and if anyone tried to tell me that being an alcoholic (which I knew I was, yet couldn't stop drinking) was something I'd be thankful for (eventually), I'd've thought they were bonkers.
If life were too easy, we wouldn't learn anything, and I do believe much of the Buddhist path is about transforming negative stuff into positive stuff. In the running world they say, "Embrace your hills".
Unfortunately I'm not a guru, so I can't precisely teach you what you need to do, but I do think the secret to a happy life is in having compassion for others. When we help others, we feel good about ourselves and we develop a better self image of ourselves, and I suspect it's not this 'certain characteristic' that really troubles you, it's your own concept of self which troubles you; and I know for a fact we can do something about that.
I'm not sure if this has helped or not, but I hope you find an answer.
Just let them be. They come and go as they please. Good or bad.
Negative thoughts are just thoughts. Positive thoughts are just thoughts.
Trying to get rid of thoughts is just another thought. Trying to attain peace is just another thought. Trying to see if you deserve peace or love is just another thought.
Its all just thoughts. Don't give them importance and they will disappear as soon as they appear.
Negative thoughts are conditioned by other processes in the body and environment; through breath meditation and mindfulness, develop the calm and subtlety to witness the roots of thought in physical tensions, and gradually both tension and thoughts will reveal their emptiness. The voice that sometimes calls itself 'you', and at other times criticises 'you', is just part of a process, it's not the controller of the process, it is conditioned just as it conditions. Yeah. Only heavily conditioned thinking could possibly conclude otherwise. The critical thoughts you hear are like mistranslations.
You'll be ok.
Can you explain?
''All babies are born beautiful, its just that some let the world turn them into something ugly...''
So as to your question, we cant really say because we dont know why 'you' think you dont deserve happiness. Depends on what youve done etc etc.. If you really believe you dont deserve happiness and love then there is only 2 reasons for thinking this;
1. Youve done something terrible which makes you think you no longer deserve happiness in life.
Or
2. You have depression. (which you said ''..and then I go right back into a depression''
So yes its sounds like you have despression. I would find the cause and work on that. Get help if need be. Meditate and listen to yourslef. What is your heart telling you.
Buddhism alone wont help you find peace. If anything, it can make one more depressed if he becomes 'too' attached to Buddhism and seeking. The seeking mind is the suffering mind.
If your too attached to 'wanting' to find peace and love and happiness, then already you are suffering.
Instead, drop everything, Let be, just be, practice acceptance and MEDITATE.
''Just meditate.
Concentrate on the breath and just BE...
Listen..
And be at peace with what is.
Be at peace with what you are.
Accept whatever you FEEL
and in time my friend,
You will HEAL''
~V~
X
There is a simple method of training known as Lojong. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lojong
If I feel like I "deserve" the pay raise given to my co-worker and not me, I'm going to be unhappy and resentful because I'm feeling attached and entitled to the pay raise. The reality is that I didn't get it, but if I think I 'deserve" it, I'm just attaching myself to it. I have to let go, or I'll burn out.
I hate to be a buzzkill, but using the "I deserve to be well" mantra may help you feel happier for now, but what if you're facing something more intense and it creates a lot of negativity and unhappiness? Will you think that somehow society/the universe hates you and that it's plotting against your desire to be happy/well/etc? Just keep your desires, expectations, and attachments to outcomes in check is all I'm saying.
personally, something that helps me in my times of social anxiety/stress/depression is just trying to get back to the "beginner's mind." That is, dropping expectations, assumptions, judgments, etc. Be mindful of all phenomena as they come. I find it really helps to stop my brain from conjuring up all sorts of negative, judgmental, critical crap that makes me feel terrible.
Wow, that's skillful... What qualifies you to make these assumptions and diagnoses? Our "hearts" tell us many things, depending on the time of day and our emotions at the time. Despite all the Disney films and romantic comedies, the "heart" shouldn't necessarily lead the way.It's impulsive and too tied up with emotions.
Unless you're talking about another "heart?" But that's not a fault of Buddhism, that's a fault of the practitioner.
If someone eats too much pie and gets diabetes, is it the fault of the pie?
metta
To answer the last one: The best way to end those negative thoughts would be to learn the proper way to meditate and practice that daily.
May your suffering cease and that you receive what you deserve.
Buddha
Whether we receive or not, being a part of the solution and developing a rich and sensitive internal environment, will remove any thoughts and questions about ourselves.
And that’s pretty nasty.
So do you deserve happiness?
Let’s for the sake of argument say that you don’t.
Well I think that in this case you should get it anyways.
Steal it.
It’s your life.
Read the story of Angulimala
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angulimala
You may find this book helpful.
The Mindful Way Through Depression.
http://books.google.com/books?id=uE-HjrA2yJIC&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q&f=false
that is all
I agree also that it's a horrible question in some ways of thinking.
As to your agreement with Shanyin concerning the "horrible" nature of my question, would you care to explain? Personally, I'm of the opinion that any question which can lead to a fuller understanding of humanity and its place in this universe is a valid question; nevertheless, you may know of reasons that suggest otherwise; I'm interested in knowing what those reasons might be.
We rely on the right connections to have happiness. If we didn't have any time or motivation to meditate for example. I don't think that means we don't deserve to learn the dharma. I do believe that everyone will one day be able to find happiness along all of these lives we have. The problem is that it is so hard to practice or at least there are so many ways we distract ourselves and lose confidence.
I agreed with shanyin that it is a bad question for those of us who have terrible pain. I hear voices 24 hours a day even in my sleep due to faulty brain connections. In a vulnerable time of my ongoing on off depression it is not healthy to feel I deserve the pain or even question the topic. It shouldn't be that way but it just *is* destabilizing. In those times keeping a positive attitude is more important than analyzing a question in NB that I will forget in three days anyhow.