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umm i don't try to love them cus they cant and they dont feel comfortable doing it.. i wudnt knwo where to start.. as for other ppl i can do that i think.. and i dont hate anyone.. andn im not ridiculing them im just saying its a problem most likely through bad parenting
This is the most important thing you may ever learn so pay attention to what BF is telling you. Loving your family doesn't have to start with showing them or becoming demonstrative. It can start inside yourself by developing compassion, understanding and empathy for them. In fact, it must. His Holiness the Dalai Lama is really good at teaching us how to actually do this so I recommend starting with his books.
Your growth as a human and spiritual being depends on your ability to be able to find and develop reasons for loving those you find difficult to love. Equanimity means being able to love all beings equally and that's what you're going for. We all know it's easy to love those who are lovable and difficult to love those who aren't, or who have hurt us or threaten us in some way. The exercise is to pull forth out of ourselves true feelings of selflessness in regard to other beings and to see them as we see ourselves; wanting happiness and the cessation of suffering.
One way I do this is by imagining a person's most embarrassing moment, or imaging them as a child. There are many techniques you can use to conjure feelings of compassion for others. Once you start deliberately doing this everything inside you changes. You start to feel much more confident and alive. Your hope soars. Everything changes.
And once you know how to do this for others you can start doing it for yourself. You're not separate form others and you deserve your own love and compassion as much as the next person. Remember, equanimity, loving all beings including yourself, equally.
I'm sending you a big, gentle hug to reinforce the message and to let you know that you're loved.
umm i don't try to love them cus they cant and they dont feel comfortable doing it.. i wudnt knwo where to start.. as for other ppl i can do that i think.. and i dont hate anyone.. andn im not ridiculing them im just saying its a problem most likely through bad parenting
What I found was difficult when I first addressed the issuses with my family was getting beyond my resentment of not getting my needs met by them. This led to resentiment, which means I felt the same anger and rage (or whatever I felt) everytime I sensed my needs were ignored or not met.
Also writing letters to them of how I felt they didn't meet my needs and how it makes me feel, I then read them to myself as if they were there in the same room. (You might want to have a friend with you, it is a powerful exercise.)
Best of luck!!
What I found was difficult when I first addressed the issuses with my family was getting beyond my resentment of not getting my needs met by them. This led to resentiment, which means I felt the same anger and rage (or whatever I felt) everytime I sensed my needs were ignored or not met.
Also writing letters to them of how I felt they didn't meet my needs and how it makes me feel, I then read them to myself as if they were there in the same room. (You might want to have a friend with you, it is a powerful exercise.)
Best of luck!!
By the way, I thought this said movies?
In the end, we learn that we have been walking in a dream; our 'needs' will not be met by someone outside ourselves. Indeed, we may come to realise that much of what we deem to be needs are 'optional extras'. Once we have understood that the function of parents is to give birth, feed and house until old enough and then to go, all else becomes luxury.
In the end, we learn that we have been walking in a dream; our 'needs' will not be met by someone outside ourselves. Indeed, we may come to realise that much of what we deem to be needs are 'optional extras'. Once we have understood that the function of parents is to give birth, feed and house until old enough and then to go, all else becomes luxury.
Comments
I can relate to "not knowing how to start" - once walls are built up - it's really tough to tear those buggars down.
I thought there were groups of people you disliked. I must have read some of your posts wrong. I apologize.
Peace, my friend.
-bf
This is the most important thing you may ever learn so pay attention to what BF is telling you. Loving your family doesn't have to start with showing them or becoming demonstrative. It can start inside yourself by developing compassion, understanding and empathy for them. In fact, it must. His Holiness the Dalai Lama is really good at teaching us how to actually do this so I recommend starting with his books.
Your growth as a human and spiritual being depends on your ability to be able to find and develop reasons for loving those you find difficult to love. Equanimity means being able to love all beings equally and that's what you're going for. We all know it's easy to love those who are lovable and difficult to love those who aren't, or who have hurt us or threaten us in some way. The exercise is to pull forth out of ourselves true feelings of selflessness in regard to other beings and to see them as we see ourselves; wanting happiness and the cessation of suffering.
One way I do this is by imagining a person's most embarrassing moment, or imaging them as a child. There are many techniques you can use to conjure feelings of compassion for others. Once you start deliberately doing this everything inside you changes. You start to feel much more confident and alive. Your hope soars. Everything changes.
And once you know how to do this for others you can start doing it for yourself. You're not separate form others and you deserve your own love and compassion as much as the next person. Remember, equanimity, loving all beings including yourself, equally.
I'm sending you a big, gentle hug to reinforce the message and to let you know that you're loved.
Brigid
What I found was difficult when I first addressed the issuses with my family was getting beyond my resentment of not getting my needs met by them. This led to resentiment, which means I felt the same anger and rage (or whatever I felt) everytime I sensed my needs were ignored or not met.
I found to things helpful:
transformation meditations as I posted here-
http://www.buddhachat.org/forum/showthread.php?t=362&page=6
Also writing letters to them of how I felt they didn't meet my needs and how it makes me feel, I then read them to myself as if they were there in the same room. (You might want to have a friend with you, it is a powerful exercise.)
Best of luck!!
By the way, I thought this said movies?
In the end, we learn that we have been walking in a dream; our 'needs' will not be met by someone outside ourselves. Indeed, we may come to realise that much of what we deem to be needs are 'optional extras'. Once we have understood that the function of parents is to give birth, feed and house until old enough and then to go, all else becomes luxury.
Nice conclusion! Thanks.