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I need some advice on letting go...
I'm struggling with an unwanted desire. I've been trying to practice letting it go, but I don't feel like I'm making any progress. It's frustrating. Have any of you been faced with this challenge and found a way out of it? This question is a tall order, but it's worth a try.
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For me it was all about seeing and recognizing change, and then allowing the change to happen; without a preconceived notion, without prejudice.
Good Luck to you!
Can you find where it came from? Where does it abide? Where does it go when its gone?
You can't account for any other moment other than this moment because the next moment is always this moment.
So in this moment look for your desire. It can be in the mode of thoughts or a movement of energy in the body. But look for it.
The questions you should be asking and directly investigating are as follows:
Is such desire substantial? Can I actually locate such desire? What exactly is desire?
And isn't the game of letting go of desire just perpetuating the desire in the form of negation?
So just stop. There isn't much to cultivate or to formulate for the future or past. In this instant just stop. Look. Examine.
You are already free.
But don't take that as a belief or philosophy. Examine and see for yourself.
Thus I advise allowing everything to be as it is. Yes, even your desire. Then examine that desire. Is this desire mine or me or I? Is this desire permanent? Does this desire end my dissatisfaction?
Examining the three marks automatically allow the "desire" to self liberate.
Because all phenomena have the three marks.
So two things are needed. Directly seeing phenomena as they are. And then actively looking at the three marks of phenomena.
Then you will see how everything arises and passes. Then one will not crave towards or away from phenomena. Why? Because they are insubstantial and not worth the time and day.
All practioners face this challenge. I've never found a way out of it that lasted except by going right through it. My success at doing this have always depended on making this process a priority above all others. Now that's a description of a tall order.
Trying to deal with specific desires (wanted or unwanted) is difficult because the meditative reality is that all desires blind our way to some extent. Trying to eliminate an unwanted desire, while hanging on to wanted desires, is a bit of a spiritual oxymoron.
Labelling some as positive and others as negative is just a spiritual game that some schools promote to eventually bring practitioners beyond both.
That being said...
I would use meditation, the study of the four noble truths & dependant origination to deal with your desire.
All desires, whether wanted or unwanted, occur as a participatory event, meaning it actually only exists from our own continuous contributions. The experience of the force of a desire usually overshadows and blinds us from the internal mechanisms at play. Seeing how we create, energize and carry a desire is key to deactivating it.
First, meditatively accept & face it fully for what it is, something that you are formulating.
It will reveal itself as something you want to be closer to or something you want to avoid. No matter how convoluted, it's purpose is just to aid the enhancing of your sense of identity.
Next comes the hardest part, letting go of, not energizing, dropping one's investment in, that very part of your identity that the desire is arising from.
This takes meditative openness to still the distractions that obscure our sight of it.
Meditative insight to unveil that part of our ego that this desire is manifesting from.
The active releasing of your hold of that very part of you ( identity/ego/desire) who you believe yourself to be.
Other approaches are distraction or cause & effect studies but eventually it will all come back to doing some version of the above.
Or credit for letting go of it.
@NikkiGemGirl "The stone that the builder refused will always be the head cornerstone"
Don't know if you like reggae, but I have found it a profound contemplation
I have a very firm understanding the the Noble Truths and study them daily. I am fully aware that the desire itself is not causing the suffering, it's my react to the desire. I meditate daily and have been focusing on the release of this desire for about 2 months now with no improvement, which is why I turned to this community for further advise. This desire seems to have really embedded itself in me in a way that nothing else has. It doesn't help that I have a "trigger" that comes around on a regular basis either.
I'm definitely going to get a lesson on patience when it comes to this matter. I value all of your comments, and thank you again for them.
What is this desires nature?
What influences this desire?
What compounds it?
What makes it shrink or grow less?
Are you your desire?
Be aware of your desire, know its arising, note it.
Does your awareness have desire? Or is your awareness simply that, awareness?
Rest in your awareness and let this empty phenomenon roll on (paraphrasing Joseph Goldstein), everytime it arises.
Tha cause of desire is that the mind finds the objects of the senses (sights, sounds, smells, taste, touch and thoughts/fantasies) attractive. These objects are baited hooks that pull the mind outside.
Until the mind clearly sees the drawbacks of getting hooked and the beautiful alternative of attaining happiness independent of the senses through the cultivation of tranquil and calm (mental stillness), the mind cannot let go yet.
The methods are in short,as I understand them:
1. Bring up a feeling of freedom/renunciation opposite of the desire.
If this works, the desire will go away (temporarily)
2. Contemplate the drawbacks of the desires.
If this works, the desire will go away (temporarily)
3. Let the desire gradually fade away by giving it no atentioin
If this works, the desire will go away (temporarily)
4. Find the source of the desire and through that remove the desire
If this works, the desire will go away (temporarily)
5. Beat down the desire
If this works, the desire will go away (temporarily)
The Buddha suggests trying them in order. The 5th was what I was speaking about, but the other four are better. For some more details and to make your own interpretation: http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.020.than.html
Also know that this is mainly a meditation instruction. It's easiest to let go of desires when you are mindful and focussed already. But as you know, the entire Buddhist path is about removing desire, so really practice all 8 factors as good as you can.
For some better advice, maybe you could indicate what kind of desire it is. Myself, I'm thinking about becoming a monk. Of course than you will have drop a lot of desires, some of which are almost impossible to let go gently for me, like sexual desires, not having your own stuff or house, etc. I have to try and throw those away again and again using the above 5 techniques.
Hope this can be of any help and if not, just know you are not alone.
With metta!
Sabre
I don't know if that made sense or not so I also want to recommend Pema Chodrons book Taking the Leap.
She likens giving into unwanted desire to scratching an itch that causes it to spread like poison oak. The more we scratch, the worse it gets but if we live with the sensation, it will pass.
Lets say that your best friend gave you a piece of candy. You don't normally care for sweets, but this candy is amazing! After you've had a taste, you want more. When you ask for another piece, your friend tells you that there is no more candy and you can never have it again. Every time you see your friend (which is often because you're close) you're reminded of how much you liked the candy and wish you could have some again.
This is what I've been trying to let go of. I'm disappointed in myself for even taking the "candy" in the first place. It was a moment of weakness. I had no idea that I would like it so much, but I'm only human.
The damage has been done and I'm in recovery mode.
And besides; What kind of friend teases another with 'candy' - and then refuses to share more? That was kind of mean, no? Head games. Emotional manipulation. Ego.
I think the problem lies elsewhere, really; not with you, Nikki.
It is natural for humans to desire things that ultimately make us happy in one way or another. Nothing wrong with that. As long as you seek (your happiness) honestly, without manipulation, and without harm to anyone else, I don't think you should attach too much negativity to it. Keep things in perspective, do no harm, and keep on moving on...
Peace.
I enjoy the etch-a-sketch technique
you know how you can draw a TON of lines on an etch-a-sketch
and then
shake-a shake-a
shake-a shake-a
poof, supa clean, supa smooth, supa purity
don't get too caught up in the appearances, and rather than push and pull with an idea, suggest to the universe a different course. see the infinite lake in your heart and let the pure drop make its ripples (both laterally and upward and downward). let your love and patience bloom into the world, ripple outward and bring peace and love to everyone.
shake-a shake-a
Candy is external to you - you control your hand and mouth - it's that simple - if you dont pick and eat then there is no candy eating - if you desire it that much then go for it - your lessons will be in that process.
I've found through experience that candy is one of those things that people ask for advice on but rarely listen and rarer still act upon - this type of lesson I suspect has to be learnt personally and more often than not, painfully.
http://www.maithri.com/articles_new/ego_desire.htm
But, truly, it's not her fault. That's not a skillful way to think. I didn't have to take the "candy". She did not cause my suffering over this matter. I'm causing it by allowing myself to react the way I am. This is what I'm going to work though. I should actually thank her for this experience. It will have made my wiser. It's not a curse, but a blessing- you know?
Peace.