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Right livelihood and the desire for change
At my base, I am happy. No matter if things are going well or horrible I can still touch the reality of impermanence and the joy of simply being. However, I have this desire that gets stronger the more I practice. It's a desire that deepens as I let go of my desire and so this is something that still confuses me.
I had my dream job for a while working in the entertainment industry but had to get out of it when my wife got sick. Now I work fixing trailer systems that have been smashed and though I enjoy the work, I miss being passionate about what I do.
The thing of it is, I don't care about the music industry anymore. Not like I used to anyways. I enjoy music and am glad it's around as an expression but it just doesn't feel right as a way of living for me anymore.
I've decided to take a big chance and go back to school to become a PSW (personal support worker) and eventually take the proper course of action to land a job at a hospital even if I have to start out as a porter while I do more schooling.
I will have to get another loan and I'm almost 40... Where I work is going to be mad and won't do much to help me.
Am I being stupid by throwing away a job (even though the working conditions are quite lacking, there are no benefits/retirement plan and there is alot of racist undertones) because of this desire for proper livelihood? Am I just trying to make myself feel good by wanting to get into the healthcare field? Just because it stems from a want to help allieviate others suffering, does that make it any less of a desire to be overcome?
On the one hand I feel I will be letting people down by leaving my job but on the other I feel that if I stay and forget about going into healthcare I will be shirking a greater responsibility.
It feels like the right thing to do so does that mean I am being fooled by ego or is it ok to actually use our inter-being/inter-dependance to help ourselves by helping others (or vice versa I suppose)?
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Comments
My two cents, anyway.
There's no point analysing, sometimes.... sometimes, you just have to pick up your skirts, and jump. nobody ever leapt a ditch in two half-steps....
:thumbup:
The only reason I wouldn't do it is for the lack of a safety net. That's very true. This is what my inner guide is saying.
Helping people through healthcare is no better and no worse than helping people through fixing their trailer systems, it's just a different way to help people.
If you're not enjoying your work environment or what you're doing, then absolutely go and do something else because that's helping yourself which is also important. But in terms of how it serves other people, it's no better and no worse than how you're serving people now.
Healthcare is a really exciting field, and as a PSW you'll get to meet a lot of really interesting people. It's a really tough job and you'll have to work with some hard cases, but it could be really rewarding. Best of luck to you
It isn't that I can't enjoy fixing peoples trailers and I agree that helping people is easy. There are a whole slew of problems with my job at the moment but that has nothing to do with my desire to be in the healthcare field.
I don't know if I see it as a "better" way to help people so much as helping those who actually need the kind of helping I'd be best at giving.
I mean, I do fix a mean trailer but it's very physical work and I don't see myself drilling holes perched on a ladder that sits atop a shakey trailer for the next 20 years. Plus I have to put up with racist and/or vile sexual humor most days and I can feel my IQ slipping just being within earshot. This is co-workers and customers alike. Sometimes I say something and sometimes I just turn on a grinder in their ears.
No, I could stay in the same field and work for a competitor, maybe get treated better, maybe get benefits or stay with the same company and use my grievances as opportunities to grow and help that way but it isn't the same. I definatly feel a pull towards the healing sector.
And yeah, I know it will be tough but I know I can do it for five years or so. Eventually I want to work for and be stationed in a hospital but I've been told I may decide to keep being a PSW for a long time. I guess we will see.
I guess my mind is made up but I'm having a hard time with motive, lol.
This struck me as intention. If you have your mind made up, then
I agree with @fed....pull up the skirt, and Strive On With Diligence!
With so many negatives, the safety net is'nt that safe, right? Long
term anyway. Mental aspects, benefits, etc.
So keep your eye on the prize if you have to juggle both for a
few.