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Not feeling good enough
Pollyanna83
Explorer
Hi everyone. I've been meditating on a off for five years, but more so lately. I've recently noticed that I have a tendency to tell myself that I'm not good enough. This relates to my career, romantic relationships, success, etc. Until recently I have felt that I had pretty high self-esteem/a good self image. Realizing that I am actually doing things out of this fear above leaves me in a weird place. I'm now not certain how to move pass this/how to live with this. I'm doing my best at facing it, seeing the fear, realizing that this is a commonality amongst all of humanity and accepting it. Is this enough? Is there something I may be missing?
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I grew up with a low self esteem and constantly had that voice in my head telling my I wasn't good enough.
I was lucky enough to spend a year with a very good psychiatrist who gave me the belief that I was worthy and, lo and behold, that voice started to go away.
Do you understand the buddhist concept of not-self? Once I realised that reality the little negative voice in my head died once and for all.
Sorry, I can't offer a lot more. I wish you all the best.
The thing to remember is you are not your thoughts. Focus on the present moment, whatever you are doing. If your mind starts to throw up these negative thoughts see them for what they are, only thoughts, nothing more, and let them go. The more you do this the less it will happen.
I was reminded of a similar post today actually, and my progress with this has sorta been like:
record-player-of-mental-commentary that is mixed, positive negative
finding lots of inspiring things to think, beautiful things to contemplate
when I started helping other people solve (simple, small) problems it started adding up. I would reflect on having done a good thing, and that helped me a lot!
Eventually, I think the deeper one gets helps a lot. I would recommend reading this awesome awesome awesome book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. I feel like it is a very thorough book on understanding the power of thoughts, and also letting go of their power over us, as we are really the ones with the power =D
hmm... what else...
I think taking some time to yourself every day is good. I think I read an analogy of like rubbing two sticks together to make a fire is sorta like the power of meditation. If you can do a little bit every day it really helps to keep the fire burning, so-to-speak. For me I find it really helpful in the morning ^.^
Also, you are totally awesome! I will try and find some awesome quotes to share.
^.^
G
http://www.wildmind.org/metta
I had a wonderful friend who worked very hard to put up a good front- it was extremely important to her to be well liked. She was what some call a "pleaser"- she avoided conflict, tried very hard to always be bright and cheery, had a tough time saying "no", etc. People are often drawn to pleasers, and they may do well in certain jobs (being well-liked and willing to do what other's won't can help at work). She achieved a great deal, but was often tired and down because she rarely expressed her own needs, and struggled to be authentic. I think, although she got many of the things she desired in life, she often felt undeserving because she wasn't really being herself when she got them. Some call this "impostor syndrome". IMO, this "requirement" of being liked sometimes gets in her own way of feeling deserving.
Here's a little more on the subject -
http://www.wildmind.org/tag/self-compassion
Best wishes!
“We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.”
― Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living
One thing that helps me to remember that my "not good enough" thoughts are not valid is that modern marketing is all designed to make us feel we are lacking in something. They want us to buy something. So nearly everything we see in the media is telling us that we won't be good enough until [we buy a certain thing] [we feel a certain way] [we have this certain item that others covet].
So even after you start to feel truly worthy... it's a constant battle to remember your worthiness in the face of a world telling you that you're not worthy.
I also try to remember the concept of not-self and recognize that my mother is worthy, my partner is worthy, the men who work so hard at my job are worthy, etc. We're all the same and we're all worthy. At any given point in your life - you are exactly where you need to be to continue learning and opening up to your inherent worth.