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The Dangers Of Online Advice.
mettanando
Veteran
From time to time I drop into Another Buddhist Website, lets just say it deals mostly with the Theravada. In a fundie kind of way. ( cough ).
Today I was a tad dismayed to read a thread by someone with a 'Born Again' Christian wife..who surprise surprise ..is unhappy with her husbands Buddhism.
OK so far, so mundane. I suspect that this situation is not that rare.
In my innocence I expected as I read down the thread to find admonitions of patience, of considering the needs of both parties and their child. ( Did I mention the child ? ) Of give and take. Of developing a relationship which transcended such differences.
There were one or two such, Including a very sensible post by a Bhikkhu suggesting that a public forum was hardly the ideal place to slag off one's wife.
But what worried me was the general tone of the replies.
One chap suggested that the wife was obviously mad and needed emergency psychiatric intervention. On no evidence whatsoever.
Several suggested that on no account should he father any more children with this woman..
Pick of the sour crop was the suggestion that he move into the spare room and pursue a life of celibacy.
Many of the replies showed a kind of knee-jerk misogyny.
So, online advice.?..buyer beware.
Today I was a tad dismayed to read a thread by someone with a 'Born Again' Christian wife..who surprise surprise ..is unhappy with her husbands Buddhism.
OK so far, so mundane. I suspect that this situation is not that rare.
In my innocence I expected as I read down the thread to find admonitions of patience, of considering the needs of both parties and their child. ( Did I mention the child ? ) Of give and take. Of developing a relationship which transcended such differences.
There were one or two such, Including a very sensible post by a Bhikkhu suggesting that a public forum was hardly the ideal place to slag off one's wife.
But what worried me was the general tone of the replies.
One chap suggested that the wife was obviously mad and needed emergency psychiatric intervention. On no evidence whatsoever.
Several suggested that on no account should he father any more children with this woman..
Pick of the sour crop was the suggestion that he move into the spare room and pursue a life of celibacy.
Many of the replies showed a kind of knee-jerk misogyny.
So, online advice.?..buyer beware.
0
Comments
The most intolerant and crass of the suggestions I have alluded to CAME FROM A MODERATOR on that well known forum. :eek:
Advice that seeks agreement is worth about as much as advice that does not. Use it or lose it -- your choice.
IMO - there is nothing at all wrong with suggesting "professional help" - as in marriage counseling or couples therapy.
I would much prefer to see that suggestion than to see so many arm-chair psychologists diagnosing this personal situation on line and administering strong and destructive "advice" out of hand ...
because to suggest that the wife is "mad" or has psychological problems is waaaay out of line in my book.
And not only that- but it is wholly unfair to diagnose and advise on this sort of thing when only ONE SIDE of the situation is presented. Because for all we know, our little Buddhist friend could be a complete ass about his religion being the "better religion" or about his wife's personal choices...
The Internet is not your teacher
I understand the need to vent frustration, but let's not use this forum as a way of picking apart conduct elsewhere. They have their community, we have ours. There's plenty of work to be done on ours to keep us occupied.
Anyway, feels like sort of gossip to talk about others this way, so I'm outta here.
What Susie says of Sally says more of Susie than of Sally...
I think someone above put it best, that when approached with the right attitude(of investigation and exploring options) asking people you "know" online for advice can be helpful. Of course you may also find a person who is the type that will just follow any piece of advice without thinking and needs someone to tell them what to do.