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Making eye contact
blu3ree
Veteran
So I've noticed alot of people ive ever talked to don't make a whole lot of eye contact. Umm yea anyone add to this? Please
0
Comments
Perhaps you are a scary individual.
I know when the wife is unhappy, I adopt bear protection policies like backing out of the room while avoiding eye contact.
But it's not just me like when people talk to eachother without ever looking at oneanother this always baffled me. I find it hard to concentrate on what the person says unless they address me with Eye conact or touch.
Maybe your eyes are so deep they're afraid they'll fall in?????
That the folks at the Zen center don't, is unusual.
Check out how the teacher treats others. That might give you a clue as to their behavour.
More often than not it is your problem and not theirs.
And its completely your bias/preference.
People are themselves. Maybe they're uncomfortable with themselves? Or maybe they don't know how to communicate in an intimate, direct way.
Or maybe we are asking too much from them. Or they could be responding to our non-verbal cues that we are projecting forward. And maybe we're free, peaceful and so kind/loving that people hate, react, and are jealous to such openness. Maybe they cannot see how interpreting an other as such is actually seeing those aspects in themselves and they're not ready for that because they are hurting as well, so instead the y have decide to block all aspects of emotions or any sense of openness in their life.
Maybe they're having a bad day? Bad week? Bad month or year?
We don't know their story.
Or maybe we're the one with the reality tunnel. Maybe we're only seeing a brief aspect of their conditioned appearance shining outward. And maybe we're not able to meet them because of our bias, our preferences.
Take whatever belief/position and make it work for you. Then you can relate with anyone without bias/preference and total openness as they are.
@taiyaki maybe it's bc a good majority of people ive met like to be pinned to single emotions such as oh it's because I'm a mean person. Thanks!
Do you perhaps have mental health issues, because that is sometimes expressed through the eyes?
Just my 2 cents.
It happens often but not just when people talk to me but also when they talk to others that I've noticed. Which is why I've kinda kept to myself for a good portion of my life. people use labels such as this person is a "tool" "fake". Although it could just be this crappy high school town I live in. Havnt done a whole lot of traveling around. I lack in people skills.
What this allows for is compassionate response. People can be what they are. You can be what you are. But this compassionate gaze responds accordingly. If empathy is needed then empathy is displayed. If nothing needs to be done then nothing is done.
The question or rather the real question hasn't been penetrated.
Why do you desire to communicate with others? <-This is worth exploring and trust me there is no end answer.
Strangely enough integrity can be faked. Salesmen, snake charmers and charismatic gurus have a habit of staring into your soul/purse.
I once met an elderly Christian monk, who rarely made eye contact but bristled with kindly, humble awareness.
Anyhoo, Op i think like Chela pointed out and like I often do, you have not explained your original post well enough. As I have social anxiety I ether dread eye contact and try my hardest to make a point of pushing myself to do it without looking like I am straining on the loo, or if I am on medication I appear normal or high as a kite with droopy eyes.
In the wild eye contact is often used as a means to establish dominance, staring each other down for example. Even humans get into conflicts over this believe it or not. Gangs have been known to fight and even shoot each other because they looked at somebody in 'the wrong way'.
Eye contact, as well as lack of eye contact, can be interpreted in many different ways. There is no simple rule of thumb when it comes to making, retaining or avoiding eye contact between humans. There are reasons people seek out eye contact, like flirting, alerting others to danger, etc, but it can also be used as a passive-aggressive form of dominance and intimidation.
Many times overt eye contact between people who may not know each other very well, (or not at all) makes people very uncomfortable. Ask any cop or investigator questioning a suspect.... how the suspect reacts to (and/or uses) eye contact can reveal much about them.
Ever since I got diagnosed with add and prescribed adderol I will never go back to a doctor for stuff besides getting teeth pulled or for some serious physical health ailment. Buddhism practice gives all the mental necessities one could ask for. What is given in this life is the result of previous karma. I'd rather not live to be 80ish and have to take 8 different pills to sustain the body when it's time to go its time to go. I don't like western approach to medicine it's based with science not compassion. Ayurveda on the other hand is very compassionate to bad there arnt any close by.
Some people just have a very difficult time with it. My son is one of them. He's high functioning autistic, and generally you won't even notice he's different, until you get close and have a one on one conversation with him. He's very polite and pleasant, but very one sided. Doesn't use, or read body language well, has a very hard time making eye contact, and if you touch him without warning you're likely to get a severe flinch and a death stare from him. He goes to social skills classes to learn these things, but they never have come naturally and probably never will. So, while he can do it, it is very forced for him and very difficult and very obvious to those he interacts with. However, the people around him have learned how to have contact and conversation with him anyhow. He has no problems communicating, he has a normal job, he does well in school, is in sports and has lots of friends. Who he is, is more important to them than whether he looks at them or touches them.