Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Faking myself
misecmisc1
I am a HinduIndia Veteran
hi all,
i have thought of faking myself. as far as my meditation is concerned, i just sit and try to feel my breath in my body, with no where nearer to any sort of peace inside me, i have thought to fake myself in the sense that i will try to feel in here and now as much as i can remember to do.
one thing i have analyzed is that our sense organs of eye, ear, nose, tongue and body are always in now, the only sense organ which is not in now is the mind - this also indicates the thing that whatever we experience is what our mind experiences. so the problem of not being in here and now reduces to problem of mind not being in present moment. there is something going on in the mind always - memories of past, plans of future, and very few times when the mind is silent, then also some doing is happening there if i wilfully try to make my mind silent, by trying to feel whatever is arising in this moment, but the problem here is the very act of trying makes the body move from its normal position to some tension in the body, so in a way the attention goes from whatever is arising externally to the body being slightly tensed and so not able to be fully in here and now.
but by faking myself and reminding me that the only moment which i have is now and i should try to realize how it feels like in here and now - because after all the body is always in here and now, the only thing left to do is to realize this thing. also i remind myself that i might die tonight, so tomorrow's day will not come in my life, so this way, at least some of the times i now prevent myself from thinking what will happen in future.
i also fake myself by thinking - the only thing which matters to me is i should try to be in here and now. most of the times other things start seeming important to me, and my mind gets entangled to plan and figure out those things, so sometimes i fake myself by the above thought of importance of here and now.
actually there is fear inside me also that if i cannot practice towards realizing what it feels like to be in here and now, in my current life, in which i have got good parents, who gave me good education, which helped me to get a good job to earn money for my family, a wife who loves and cares for me and a lovely daughter and many things are good in my life - if in such a beautiful life, i cannot strive to be in here and now, then how will i ever try to realize this thing in future lifes which may have the effects of my past bad karma. but i also try not to think about this thing as that will also be a thought, which will move the attention from here and now.
i also try to remember this thing that whatever arises, stays for a while and then ceases.
since i have no calm in my meditation, because of the defilements of lust, anger, greed, attachment, aversion and ego inside me, so i am trying to fake myself by wilfully thinking and trying to feel whatever is arising in here and now, though it may be for only few minutes in a whole day, but at least something shall be better than nothing. i don't know if ever i shall have peace in my meditation for insights to arise, so i am faking myself with whatever i have understood theoretically.
i have thought of faking myself. as far as my meditation is concerned, i just sit and try to feel my breath in my body, with no where nearer to any sort of peace inside me, i have thought to fake myself in the sense that i will try to feel in here and now as much as i can remember to do.
one thing i have analyzed is that our sense organs of eye, ear, nose, tongue and body are always in now, the only sense organ which is not in now is the mind - this also indicates the thing that whatever we experience is what our mind experiences. so the problem of not being in here and now reduces to problem of mind not being in present moment. there is something going on in the mind always - memories of past, plans of future, and very few times when the mind is silent, then also some doing is happening there if i wilfully try to make my mind silent, by trying to feel whatever is arising in this moment, but the problem here is the very act of trying makes the body move from its normal position to some tension in the body, so in a way the attention goes from whatever is arising externally to the body being slightly tensed and so not able to be fully in here and now.
but by faking myself and reminding me that the only moment which i have is now and i should try to realize how it feels like in here and now - because after all the body is always in here and now, the only thing left to do is to realize this thing. also i remind myself that i might die tonight, so tomorrow's day will not come in my life, so this way, at least some of the times i now prevent myself from thinking what will happen in future.
i also fake myself by thinking - the only thing which matters to me is i should try to be in here and now. most of the times other things start seeming important to me, and my mind gets entangled to plan and figure out those things, so sometimes i fake myself by the above thought of importance of here and now.
actually there is fear inside me also that if i cannot practice towards realizing what it feels like to be in here and now, in my current life, in which i have got good parents, who gave me good education, which helped me to get a good job to earn money for my family, a wife who loves and cares for me and a lovely daughter and many things are good in my life - if in such a beautiful life, i cannot strive to be in here and now, then how will i ever try to realize this thing in future lifes which may have the effects of my past bad karma. but i also try not to think about this thing as that will also be a thought, which will move the attention from here and now.
i also try to remember this thing that whatever arises, stays for a while and then ceases.
since i have no calm in my meditation, because of the defilements of lust, anger, greed, attachment, aversion and ego inside me, so i am trying to fake myself by wilfully thinking and trying to feel whatever is arising in here and now, though it may be for only few minutes in a whole day, but at least something shall be better than nothing. i don't know if ever i shall have peace in my meditation for insights to arise, so i am faking myself with whatever i have understood theoretically.
1
Comments
I am reminded of this advice givent to Mozart in the film Amadeus
Emperor Joseph II: My dear young man, don't take it too hard. Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that's all. Just cut a few and it will be perfect.
. . . meanwhile . . . 10 days free headspace
http://www.getsomeheadspace.com/
And watch out for the hindrances - desire, aversion, sloth & torpor, restlessness and skeptical doubt.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an09/an09.064.than.html
thanks for your replies.
for the last few days, i have got into an interesting situation at office. what happened was this - few days back i was assigned in a work-activity, the work is in latest version of the technology in which i work and also the work is complex and i have been assigned a lead role in the work activity. the amount of complete work will take nearly 6 months to complete. under me are 3 people. there is a person A who is at work-location, which is different from the location where we remotely work. this person A is senior to me, so in a way he is completely responsible for the completion of the work. the actual model of working should be - A should tell me what activities need to be completed and then I should distribute the work activities to my 3 team-members. but what is happening is that this person A is micro-managing things and even he is directly assigning work-activities to my team-members including me. so in a way, the model has become this person A is lead and i and my 3 team-members are all team-members to A. so it has become very interesting for me - as it is giving me many emotions - anxiousness (whether the activity given to me - will i able to complete it as it is new technology and work is complex), ego getting hurt (when i am seeing my team-members sending emails to A and not keeping me in cc, so in a way i am unaware what my team-members are doing), my mind frequently running towards thoughts of how i can show that i am a senior resource and since currently the strategy or plan is being made, so that the work can be done in a proper manner, so my mind is running as to how can i show my intelligence and my knowledge and have my word in the plan creation, in a way leading to addition of ego to already existing ego. i am seeing my attachment towards the lead position and wanting of authority to control things.
let me see if i can apply my theoretical understanding of here and now in coming days and if i can fake myself as i said in above post.
I get a little tired of the 'here and now ' 'do nothing' rhetoric sometimes. Really that is just one of many tools. Buddhism is far more fluid and teeming with ingenuity than certain people would have you believe.