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nothing exists independently

futurenetsfuturenets
edited October 2013 in Philosophy
this is a continuation of

http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/19734/how-to-see-yourself-as-you-really-are-discovering-the-source-of-problems-dalai-lama

concluding that nothing exists independently.

Having realized this my next question is how do you cope with people who do feel they exist independently?

In my experience their characteristics are frequently suspicion, arrogance and belligerence.

I am lucky enough to be married to someone who although has minimum knowledge of Buddhism somehow constantly displays all the qualities of Buddhism. These people have no effect on her but I tend to get confrontational but suppressing this feels wrong.

Comments

  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran
    Having realized this my next question is how do you cope with people who do feel they exist independently?
    I like to hit myself over the head with a large fish until they ask me to stop. :crazy:
    poptartBunks
  • ToshTosh Veteran
    futurenets said:

    These people have no effect on her but I tend to get confrontational but suppressing this feels wrong.

    Why do you feel suppressing confrontational (speech?) is wrong? Can't this just be where you're at, at a spiritual level? Isn't it better to suppress negative actions than it would be to act on them? And maybe with more practise you'll not even feel confrontational at all?
    lobsterYishai
  • mindatriskmindatrisk Veteran
    futurenets said:

    this is a continuation of

    http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/19734/how-to-see-yourself-as-you-really-are-discovering-the-source-of-problems-dalai-lama

    concluding that nothing exists independently.

    Having realized this my next question is how do you cope with people who do feel they exist independently?

    In my experience their characteristics are frequently suspicion, arrogance and belligerence.

    I am lucky enough to be married to someone who although has minimum knowledge of Buddhism somehow constantly displays all the qualities of Buddhism. These people have no effect on her but I tend to get confrontational but suppressing this feels wrong.

    Expand your self to include them. You are not independent of them. What you do to them you ultimately do to yourself. Treat them as you would an ill part of you. If you cut your arm do you feel anger with your arm? No, you nurse your arm and look after it. To hurt your arm for being hurt would only hurt you more. See others as another part of you that is hurting. All misbehaviour arises from suffering. No happy person wishes to harm another. They act as they do because they hurt. Nurse them!
    lobsterpoptartYishaiTosh
  • futurenetsfuturenets
    Why do you feel suppressing confrontational (speech?) is wrong? Can't this just be where you're at, at a spiritual level? Isn't it better to suppress negative actions than it would be to act on them? And maybe with more practise you'll not even feel confrontational at all?
    It just feels I may be handling these thoughts wrongly (I use my wife as a benchmark).
    Expand your self to include them. You are not independent of them. What you do to them you ultimately do to yourself. Treat them as you would an ill part of you. If you cut your arm do you feel anger with your arm? No, you nurse your arm and look after it. To hurt your arm for being hurt would only hurt you more. See others as another part of you that is hurting. All misbehaviour arises from suffering. No happy person wishes to harm another. They act as they do because they hurt. Nurse them!
    I like this but it's going to take some effort.
  • mindatriskmindatrisk Veteran
    futurenets said:

    Why do you feel suppressing confrontational (speech?) is wrong? Can't this just be where you're at, at a spiritual level? Isn't it better to suppress negative actions than it would be to act on them? And maybe with more practise you'll not even feel confrontational at all?
    It just feels I may be handling these thoughts wrongly (I use my wife as a benchmark).
    Expand your self to include them. You are not independent of them. What you do to them you ultimately do to yourself. Treat them as you would an ill part of you. If you cut your arm do you feel anger with your arm? No, you nurse your arm and look after it. To hurt your arm for being hurt would only hurt you more. See others as another part of you that is hurting. All misbehaviour arises from suffering. No happy person wishes to harm another. They act as they do because they hurt. Nurse them!
    I like this but it's going to take some effort.

    Of course! Spiritual practice, my friend!
  • seeker242seeker242 Zen Florida, USA Veteran
    edited October 2013
    futurenets said:

    this is a continuation of

    http://newbuddhist.com/discussion/19734/how-to-see-yourself-as-you-really-are-discovering-the-source-of-problems-dalai-lama

    concluding that nothing exists independently.

    Having realized this my next question is how do you cope with people who do feel they exist independently?

    In my experience their characteristics are frequently suspicion, arrogance and belligerence.

    I am lucky enough to be married to someone who although has minimum knowledge of Buddhism somehow constantly displays all the qualities of Buddhism. These people have no effect on her but I tend to get confrontational but suppressing this feels wrong.

    l. "May all beings (sabbe satta) be free from hostility, free from affliction, free from distress; may they live happily."

    2. "May all those that breathe (sabbe pana) be free from hostility, free from affliction, free from distress; may they live happily."

    3. "May all creatures (sabbe bhuta) be free from hostility, free from affliction. free from distress; may they live happily."

    4. "May all those with individual existence (sabbe puggala) be free from hostility, free from affliction, free from distress; may they live happily."

    5. "May all those who are embodied (sabbe attabhavapariyapanna) be free from hostility, free from affliction, free from distress; may they live happily."


    How to cope with these other people? Something like that!

    :om:
  • ToshTosh Veteran
    mindatrisk said:

    Nurse them!

    I like that. It reminds me of that Simon and Garfunkel song, the Sound of Silence ("Hello, Darkness, my old friend").

    And Scott Jurek, an ultra-marathon runner (running races upto 300 miles) says that he welcomes pain, treats it like an old friend, "Hello, Pain, have you come to visit again?". He says the better he comes to know pain, the less power it has over him.

    Must be something in it. I often tend to distract myself from negative afflictive emotions. I'm probably doing it now, distracting myself by losing myself on this post. Maybe not. I'll eat when I'm not hungry though; it's lucky I'm a runner otherwise I'd be massive.

    futurenets posted:
    It just feels I may be handling these thoughts wrongly (I use my wife as a benchmark).
    Maybe it's not wise to compare yourself to your wife either; 'compare to despair' they say. If I'm going to compare myself with anyone, I compare myself against an earlier concept of myself, but even this could possibly be a mistake?


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