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Meditation and Buddhist agnosticism
Jeffrey
Veteran
in Meditation
I have always thought that the idea of enlightenment was a big motivator for me.
Until just this session the thought occured to me that there was no enlightenment. My mind sharpened up and I found a great laugh, like irony upon seeing how much I had invested or day dreamed towards enlightenment. I experienced first hand the lojong (google) slogan : abandon hope of fruition.
My meditation seems more enchanting now because the present is more the focus than the future.
Until just this session the thought occured to me that there was no enlightenment. My mind sharpened up and I found a great laugh, like irony upon seeing how much I had invested or day dreamed towards enlightenment. I experienced first hand the lojong (google) slogan : abandon hope of fruition.
My meditation seems more enchanting now because the present is more the focus than the future.
14
Comments
I had a similar experience yesterday. Intellectually I have understood that all phenomena is impermanent therefore unsatisfactory for some time but it suddenly hit me in the heart.
While I felt a little tinge of sadness it's also extremely liberating!
Onwards and upwards my friend :thumbsup:
I decided to change myself into someone able to be around an enlightened individual, not cause them problems and be of indirect service.
Funny thing. I moved.
:wave:
One may give up worldly ambition, only to be trapped forever in the whirlpool of spiritual ambition - enlightenment, jhana, nibanna, and the rest. Give up ... and give up totally.
With live in a culture where we are surrounded by artifacts and books and videos and trinkets.
These can become highly addictive and indeed can become our raison'detre.
It is easy to rush from one teacher to another, and one method to another while telling ourselves that we have abandoned hope of fruition.
We can become enraptured by the whole glamour of the Quest, and the thought of simply letting go of it and settling down to see a teaching through without looking for a payoff can feel very dull.
Here's a copy of the Kagyu lineage tree. This is your teacher's lineage. Every human being shown in the tree here is enlightened.
If you abandon the notion that you can become enlightened then that image is essentially a lie. Right?
It's like I was building this raft for days and days and getting tired of it all because it kept falling apart whenever I tried to take it to the sea. Then finally one day I took a vacation from building the raft.
Then from that day I was less burned out and I could build the raft with more joy and just let my ideas for how to make the raft more easy going and bubbling up from creativity.
Mankind commonly attaches significance to rewards that are hoped for just beyond our present reach. Buddhists are no different.
A motivator to move forward, I guess, but as you point out, definitely isolates one from fully accepting the present place and moment we find ourselves in.
Instead, a lot like you @Jeffrey, over and over again, I 'give up' what I think fruition looks like (or *is* like). I trust the process. If I apply discipline as taught, in spite of doubts or distractions, Fruition will naturally happen. I'm happy to know right now that I don't care *when* it does or even what it *looks like* or *is* when it does. Fruition is a much more comprehensive thing than my sense of self and the stories I tell about it.
The only dilemma I have at present is that I know if I renounce my present life and head to a monastery or temple, I'm likely to encounter Fruition much sooner than if I continue on with my secular life (which is quite monastic all on it's own). I guess for right now I'm not yearning FOR Fruition/Awakening to happen soon, but that could change and yep, it would change everything.
Gassho