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Anger and maybe aversion
Hamsaka
goosewhispererPolishing the 'just so' Veteran
My current understanding is that anger is to be avoided and/or sublimated at all costs, but I'd like for you that want to, to share suttas or commentaries about how to relate to (and deal with) anger.
I am very, very slow to anger in general. I am pretty good at not reacting to or engaging in angry interactions (thanks to years of being a psych nurse lol), and am fairly skilled in de-escalating other people's anger. This slowness to anger that was kind of built into the system in me is beneficial on one hand, but I often go along in situations that are morally intolerable long past the point normal folks have checked out (abusive marriage for instance, and one job where my direct boss was dishonest and used rage attacks to control the staff).
So in this way I am FINALLY cluing into what has been bugging me to no end about my job. I have to work myself up to get past massive aversion to even GO to work many days, and instead of it being cyclical (coming and going due to the nature of the job) the aversion has been getting stronger and stronger especially since I've been seriously practicing meditation etc.
Where anger comes in is, well, yesterday and today. It's like I am so dense or in denial (more likely the latter) that it hit me like a brick to the head last night. I am angry at the work conditions and expectations in a general way. I'm not hopping mad, I don't want to go yell at someone. It's not a 'hot' anger, it's not 'cold'. It's pretty calm, actually, but there's intense pressure. It's energy, and it's here because I do believe there is a 'wrong' and the self-metta I've been doing seems to be having an effect
. I am not a rag to mop up the floor with. Anyone here who is or has been a nurse is familiar with this sentiment. We've come a long way from the days where we were glorified maids or nuns, but the FUNCTION of our jobs is such that being used to wipe up the floor is an unfortunate reality.
My intention is to honor my sense of 'wrongness' while maintaining morality, good will toward all, honesty and respect.
If anyone has a favorite or remembers a useful sutta regarding anger or that seems to fit my post, I'd really appreciate your sharing it right now
Thanks in advance!
I am very, very slow to anger in general. I am pretty good at not reacting to or engaging in angry interactions (thanks to years of being a psych nurse lol), and am fairly skilled in de-escalating other people's anger. This slowness to anger that was kind of built into the system in me is beneficial on one hand, but I often go along in situations that are morally intolerable long past the point normal folks have checked out (abusive marriage for instance, and one job where my direct boss was dishonest and used rage attacks to control the staff).
So in this way I am FINALLY cluing into what has been bugging me to no end about my job. I have to work myself up to get past massive aversion to even GO to work many days, and instead of it being cyclical (coming and going due to the nature of the job) the aversion has been getting stronger and stronger especially since I've been seriously practicing meditation etc.
Where anger comes in is, well, yesterday and today. It's like I am so dense or in denial (more likely the latter) that it hit me like a brick to the head last night. I am angry at the work conditions and expectations in a general way. I'm not hopping mad, I don't want to go yell at someone. It's not a 'hot' anger, it's not 'cold'. It's pretty calm, actually, but there's intense pressure. It's energy, and it's here because I do believe there is a 'wrong' and the self-metta I've been doing seems to be having an effect
. I am not a rag to mop up the floor with. Anyone here who is or has been a nurse is familiar with this sentiment. We've come a long way from the days where we were glorified maids or nuns, but the FUNCTION of our jobs is such that being used to wipe up the floor is an unfortunate reality.My intention is to honor my sense of 'wrongness' while maintaining morality, good will toward all, honesty and respect.
If anyone has a favorite or remembers a useful sutta regarding anger or that seems to fit my post, I'd really appreciate your sharing it right now
Thanks in advance! 0
Comments
Im not at home but there are a ton of suttas about anger.. From the anger eating demon to the simile of anger being like picking up and throwing a hot coal at the other person, you may or may not hit them, but you always burn yourself. Someone post these up please, or i will when i get home.
Anger is just a teacher pointing out where one of our attachments is feeling thwarted. The destructive potential of such a thwarting lies in it's ability to over rule all other sensory input or reasoning.
Like any phenomena, clinging to it or pushing it away only empowers it.
Like any phenomena, the best response to it's visit is to not fiddle around with it.
Our ignorance gave it it's birth and only through stepping away from our conditioned responses to it, can we illuminate our full participation in both it's birth and continuing life.
Anger for me is a great teacher. Like passion it is a strong emotion. Part of the reason most of us need to start on our positive qualities when engaging in spirituality is the great difficulties associated with the 'dark side' of anger, fear, conflicted emotions, anxiety etc.
and now back to the silence . . .
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-zen-of-anger-5-tips-to-overcome-negative-reactions/
I am currently meditating on this image of dependent origination and trying to work out where anger arises and how I might be able to stop it.
Hope, this offering is of some value. Start with the boddhisattva and see where he is guiding your practice.
Mettha
hmm, you learn something new every day, thanks to fake buddha quotes the analogy of the burning coal is actually NOT from the suttas, but from a Buddhaghosa commentary. It's still great though.
“By doing this you are like a man who wants to hit another and picks up a burning ember or excrement in his hand and so first burns himself or makes himself stink.”
This link actually has a lot of good examples from the suttas about anger
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/piyatissa/bl068.html
including the anger eating demon story:
Once there lived a demon who had a peculiar diet: he fed on the anger of others. And as his feeding ground was the human world, there was no lack of food for him. He found it quite easy to provoke a family quarrel, or national and racial hatred. Even to stir up a war was not very difficult for him. And whenever he succeeded in causing a war, he could properly gorge himself without much further effort; because once a war starts, hate multiplies by its own momentum and affects even normally friendly people. So the demon's food supply became so rich that he sometimes had to restrain himself from over-eating, being content with nibbling just a small piece of resentment found close-by.
But as it often happens with successful people, he became rather overbearing and one day when feeling bored he thought: "Shouldn't I try it with the gods?" On reflection he chose the Heaven of the Thirty-three Deities, ruled by Sakka, Lord of Gods. He knew that only a few of these gods had entirely eliminated the fetters of ill-will and aversion, though they were far above petty and selfish quarrels. So by magic power he transferred himself to that heavenly realm and was lucky enough to come at a time when Sakka the Divine King was absent. There was none in the large audience hall and without much ado the demon seated himself on Sakka's empty throne, waiting quietly for things to happen, which he hoped would bring him a good feed. Soon some of the gods came to the hall and first they could hardly believe their own divine eyes when they saw that ugly demon sitting on the throne, squat and grinning. Having recovered from their shock, they started to shout and lament: "Oh you ugly demon, how can you dare to sit on the throne of our Lord? What utter cheekiness! What a crime! you should be thrown headlong into the hell and straight into a boiling cauldron! You should be quartered alive! Begone! Begone!"
But while the gods were growing more and more angry, the demon was quite pleased because from moment to moment he grew in size, in strength and in power. The anger he absorbed into his system started to ooze from his body as a smoky red-glowing mist. This evil aura kept the gods at a distance and their radiance was dimmed.
Suddenly a bright glow appeared at the other end of the hall and it grew into a dazzling light from which Sakka emerged, the King of Gods. He who had firmly entered the undeflectible Stream that leads Nibbana-wards, was unshaken by what he saw. The smoke-screen created by the gods' anger parted when he slowly and politely approached the usurper of his throne. "Welcome, friend! Please remain seated. I can take another chair. May I offer you the drink of hospitality? Our Amrita is not bad this year. Or do you prefer a stronger brew, the vedic Soma?"
While Sakka spoke these friendly words, the demon rapidly shrank to a diminutive size and finally disappeared, trailing behind a whiff of malodorous smoke which likewise soon dissolved.
— Based on Samyutta Nikaya, Sakka Samyutta, No. 22
although I prefer how Ajahn Brahm tells it:
So I read your replies last night, and listened to a couple of audio dharma talks about anger, read an article or two, just letting it all percolate.
I most certainly have several hard attachments. One is an aversion to being smiled at and told how important and valued I am by another person who is pissing in my pocket. I really hate that. The Buddha says " . . . and what did you expect?" LOL! Of course, like I am in shock that a corporate hospital system would play mind games with its employees.
In a nutshell, we had low patient census over the weekend. There is a staffing matrix that allows certain numbers of staff for so many patients. We were allowed three nurses this weekend. The matrix works unless something goes wrong, and since something always goes wrong in the hospital (it IS a hospital full of sick people after all) it was pure hell. The matrix system is designed to pay as few staff as possible to care for as many patients as possible. Most of the time this is barely tolerable. The remainder times are dangerously unsafe for patients and staff alike.
Other issues are a refusal to adjust my pay grade upward to reflect my years of nursing experience. This is an ongoing issue I've been working with for the last four years. There are several co-workers with difficult personalities and a general tendency in the hospital environment for negativity to flourish simply because we are immersed in extreme suffering and there are few accomplished students of Buddhism to mellow it all out
I dread going to work, and take as many low census days to get out of it as I possibly can. You know how when you have to work yourself up to do something you are avoiding for whatever reason, even if you are cognizant of working with it as a way to eliminate aversion or whatever. Every night before work, and in the morning before work, I'm doing this. My limited, imperfect little ego has reached a critical mass.
It's only the forty-ninth in my 22 year career as a nurse
I am fortunate that I don't need that much of an income to 'make it'. Jobs around here are plentiful if you don't much care where you work. I have choices.
The bottom line issue SEEMS to be between responding to the 'wrong' by drastically changing my scenery (new job, with all its inevitably similar issues but with chance of lesser hours and better pay) or to pursue the Dharma deeper exactly where I'm at.
Is this an either/or situation, in truth? Still up in the air, and just want to remain skillful, not cause myself further harm. I do believe I am being 'harmed' as things stand.
Nurses (if you're still doing that) come in for a lot of work-related shit these days as medical establishments tighten the financial noose ... and put up a 'caring' front. It's rather like the world of academia where praise for the goal (education or health) is used as a way of excusing petty or greedy or sometimes downright nasty behavior. And if you're still in the psych setting, it's an extra burden ... shrinkery can really gum up the works with a sense that A. you're in control; B. you can fix it and C. you are kool as a cucumber throughout.
There's no killing this situation with kindness. Let someone else get swept up in the Jesus-turns-the-other-cheek our watch-me-spout-Buddhist-nostrums nonsense. The only way out is in ... sit down (with a counselor if necessary) and write a list of very specific (even if they're over the top) grievances. Barf it all out ... put it on paper so that it has a concreteness that never occurs in the mind. Take as long as you like with the list .... two or three days or perhaps weeks.
Once you find yourself repeating stuff you've already written down, then go back (again, perhaps with a friend or even a counselor) and assess what, if anything, can be done. Some things can probably be addressed, others not. But having looked with care at the aspects of the situation, it may be less consuming or in need of improvement. Sometimes you can fix stuff. Sometimes you're screwed. Which is which and what the balance is will be your discovery on your terms.
Just thinking out loud.
Best wishes.
I will write out my 'list' as you suggest, that's a great idea. I have a therapist who's nearly discharged me and a good friend who works with me I can share this list with. The therapist is Buddhism savvy but not a practicing Buddhist. She's been very supportive and curious about my developing practice and will totally 'get' where I'm going with this.
So far I'm understanding from the suttas that the kind of anger being discouraged is not the same anger I'm dealing with. At the same time aversion is aversion and the suttas still apply.
Something is truly wrong, and basic goodwill is being perverted by greed ('We value our employees. Go see your EAP for counseling to help you cope with our thinly disguised lack of respect for you unless you want to lose your job'). I've read that 'mindfulness' is one of the latest strategies some corporations have employed to manipulate their employees into better productivity. Just thinking out loud here, too. I don't mind hard, exhausting work at all, I prefer the busyness and the adrenalin, otherwise nursing wouldn't have appealed at all.
In the great scheme of things, I am fortunate in so many ways I can't count them. My work conditions at least mimic some safety and respect for employees. I also have many choices. This is just something that Buddhism hasn't worked over yet in my life if you know what I mean
In times of stress, it is par for the course to seek an escape route. Buddhism never was and never will be an escape route. Why? Because no one can escape from a very personal and very alive life. Are things messy and confusing and conflicted? Sometimes they are. Since there is no escape, about the best anyone can do is turn around and, a bit at a time, kiss that mess and confusion on the lips.
Honesty counts. Your honesty ... not someone else's honesty. Be good to yourself: Be honest... firm, gentle and honest.
Best wishes.
What is there to escape from that I won't take with me wherever I go?
Rumi's poem "The Guest House" is happening right now. I'm trying to get to the point where I see the old friend stumping up the garden path and open the door for it rather than barring the windows and hiding in the closet. I have an aversion for anger and aversion
Thank you again for the stuff to think about.
FWIW, the anger (and aversion) have lost their spark and another old friend who follows the first old friend around is now sitting on the couch with me. The second old friend is Fear. Yuck, these guys suck.
Yep.
Part of the reason for caution with magickal Buddhism is because after gaining a refuge in positive attributes, what in the west we might term angelic Bodhisattvas, we move on to dealing with our demons. Without protection and guidance we can be swamped by these very powerful emotive farces . . . feces . . . forces . . .
Form may be emptiness but try telling fear or anger or aversion that . . .
Ultimately they are all muppets.
All strong emotive experiences have a physical component. Directing attention and calm there helps . . . I knew that ability to focus and direct metta would come in useful . . .
I had a rather 'major' revelation last night. I went on the hunt and 'stalked' me some Fear al a Carlos Castenada (just the 'stalking' part, as Fear never admits it's there in the roll call). I'll keep doing this of course. Fear is felt in my lower chest, between the heart and solar plexus. It burns heat-wise and pain-wise. It makes my heart go thump and speed up for a bit. I directed my breath into that area (a la Thanissaro Bikkhu et al) and let the breath . . . . well, let the breath be in there soothing and taking care of it.
The revelation part was I see the attachment now. More like, I see the personal entitlement clothing the attachment. I do hate me some Fear. I avoid Fear, what inspires Fear, what leads to Fear, what might lead to Fear. I fear Fear itself. I have set up a great deal of my life to avoid fearing Fear. Woo hoo :buck: :dunce: :buck:
That's what I get for intending to Wake Up.
My fear is very much a tightening. The breath goes on hold as adrenal pumps into the system. This is something thrill seekers do for fun. They like fear.
Fear is their friend.
Fearing fear is something I know only too well. Illusions upon illusions. Oh fear is there to be experienced, very real. Very empty too . . .
Soothing breath. When you are fearful, deep breaths . . . we all know that.
Dharma. Simple.
Bravo.
This afternoon while getting ready for work I felt that 'presence' (I'll call it that) of Mr Fear. I dropped what I was doing, sat down and closed my eyes and breathed into the lower chest area. After a few breaths, feelings in my neck/throat started getting prominent, kind of a pressure feeling, not strangling but like it was swelling up inside. I breathed into that, too. I do what Thanissaro Bikkhu suggests, sensing the 'breath' coming in not just at the nostrils but through the pores. I 'sensed' the breath coming right in at the neck and chest and that swelling/pressure/burning sensation held on for what felt like a long time. It was more likely less than two minutes. Then the parrot got into the garbage but my mini session was long enough to find the pressure and sensation dwindling away. It was so diminished I forgot about it until a few moments later.
@Genkaku: that 'smiling' thing is powerful. I heard of doing that years ago, can't remember where; if you literally smile, you can feel your whole body respond. The smile muscles and the brain nuggets that direct pleasure and well being are definitely hooked up. I used to practice it on my way to certain dreadfully boring monthly meetings, and have grinned idiotically on my commute to my current job and while working, I was just talking to another nurse about it last week.
@Hamasaka
I think that the support of my Skandha's story line of "self verses others" manifests as my conditioned control over all my sense gate data. By this I mean that by my normal focusing on my mentality to the detriment of eye, ear, nose, tongue and feeling data, the ego easily maintains it's monopoly over our lifetime snooze.
One of the reasons why something as simple as watching your breath can have such a profound effect is because the deliberate focusing on your body data input which is normally being suppressed, forces your mentality to relinquish some of it's hold over you.
The very peace it provides, indicates just how profoundly unbalanced and enslaved we normally are in our day to day existence.
Time for the cushion or more talk, confirming, almost practice, 'read all about it' etc? Are we making progress? Always. First we start.
Onward and upward. Being and non-Being.