Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
How do you deal with sudden unhappiness?
banned_crab
Veteran
in Meditation
Sometimes I look at the trees and life around me and I feel really nice. But eventually it starts to fade away and its surrounded by this empty feeling. Its such a depressing feeling, it surrounds everything that I do. What do you usually do when you experience feelings of emptiness or depression? I try to meditate but like I said everything is surrounded by this hollow feeling.
0
Comments
I don't even know. Most of the time I hold it in, and during meditation sessions it comes out. Most times it comes through tears, twitches, pains in my legs, arms, shoulders and etc. When I was younger I used a journal/blog to jot these unhappiness feelings and that seemed to help. I think I should get back on that horse again! Hope that helps.
The hollowness is part of working through letting go of what we thought we knew about ourselves and the external world. Of course, I am not including actual, clinical depression in this description. But some "well, bummer. Things aren't what I thought they were my whole life and because I have a better understanding of impermanence and the emptiness of phenomena and my ego, what is there?" is normal. It works out on it's own if you keep meditating and practicing. If you have a teacher, talk to him. These are the kinds of obstacles people run into and why practicing on your own can be difficult for people.
Beyond that, your experience is really what life is. We are happy because the weather is perfect and things are just right, and then it rains and we are sad for what we lost. It is part of learning the truth of suffering due to our clinging.
The silver lining in it all is that it is breaking through where we've been stuck and allows you to move on. It feels horrible. But it really is the start of something wonderful. Just don't get stuck being averse to how you are feeling, it is part of the process (in my experience and understanding).
thanks this is helpful
@heyimacrab -- Meditation really is a good tool, but I think trying to use it against anything -- as for example, sorrow -- is a mistake. The same goes for trying to use it for anything. I'm not entirely sure what this tool is good for -- it just seems to be a good tool.
When sadness comes, I guess it's time to be sad. Boiled down, it's just sadness and you have survived sadness before. Wishing, hoping or expecting sadness to be something else -- as, for example, joy, bliss, enlightenment, compassion or a chocolate bar -- seems to be a bit like trying to douse a fire with gasoline/petrol: The ache of sadness merely gets worse. Not asking sadness to be something else seems to be the only recourse.
Of course, maybe a little meditation might help. Or not. Breathe in, breathe out.
Is the sadness sad?
The journal or blog is a good idea. The path is 'a horse' we continually mount and are thrown from. For example, the other day my bus was delayed due to an accident. Tired, hungry and trying to use the time to practice, helped the feelings of helplessness, frustration, irritation etc. Only the saintly, chauffeured and perfectly liberated are beyond such karma.
Till then we are all on the same bus
@heyimacrab
I think you already know this but....
Meditation is simply about facing & accepting what is, not about changing it. If everything changes, (like happiness or sadness), then meditation only offers you the possibility of not suffering through clinging to one or rejecting the other.
It starts with a feeling of emptiness or hollowness, and then sadness or depression takes over once we feel we deserve better. We should try to not feel sorry for ourselves because there really is nothing to feel sorry about. Not if our mind and body is intact and both functioning properly.
We should feel sorry those less fortunate instead. It's like feeling sorry that we drive an old shitty car when there are people who can't even walk. We just need to stay focused and we will get to our destination.
Try to keep learning about some subject or the other. I know it sounds odd, but it really helps. A mind that's learning all the time doesn't have the time to be depressed. Just make it a point to learn something new every day - it could be any subject.
Just laugh a lot, even if its a fake one, eventually if you do it enough times, fake laughter turns into a real one for no reason at all. Then you can attain spontaneous laughter.
Yes, but we must first make sure no one's around, else they might think it's spontaneous insanity.
It's very easy to welcome positive feelings with open arms, but we feel the urge to shake off negative feelings as soon as they show their ugly nose. What if you simply acknowledge your sadness, work with it, explore it and see where it leads? That might be your lesson for the day. Today you are happy, so you're happy. Tomorrow you are sad, so you're sad. It's okay. Life is an alternation of both happy and sad moments.
And if that doesn't work for you,
"We don't laugh because we're happy. We're happy because we laugh" (William James)
"Illusory joy is often worth more than genuine sorrow" (René Descartes)
If something goes wrong, I am disappointed or otherwise experience a letdown, my first reaction is usually "Oh shit! No!" :eek: or :grumble: or :bawl: Then I try to get on with trying to fix it or deal with it. If my unhappiness is depression based, being bipolar, I tend to react by going into my shell until it passes.
I struggle with these feelings, too. You need to step aside from the hollow feeling and do the breath meditation anyway. Focus on sensations associated with breathing and which are at most weakly associated with the hollow feeling. The best way to learn to do this is to practice breath meditation when you're not feeling this way, and get fluent at sensitizing yourself to the feelings of pleasure and rapture it evokes.
I have to say, I don't have this happen to me.
And to be honest, (and it bears considering) I see this kind of thing being talked about more by male members of the forum, than females.
Wonder why.....
We talked about that in our last Sangha group, actually. We talked about how men tend to be more left brained, and to have a need to put things into compartments, and when that starts to fall apart they struggle more than women do because we are already programmed, so to speak, to see things from a bigger picture point of view. It was a fascinating discussion. I also think men are more likely to be out of touch with their emotions and when they rise to the surface they are kind of a shock. That's just based on what men in my Sangha have said, obviously it doesn't apply to all men. Dealing with emotions tends to be more of a feminine aspect of our personalities, and in my experience, men are more closed down to that aspect of themselves because it implies weakness. Whereas women who might have stronger masculine tendencies are more acceptable. Being closed down to an aspect of yourself only to have it arise in meditation makes it harder to cope with if you've never done it before.
I agree, @karasti. The purpose of the breath meditation is only to give you a stable place to stand, so you can invite the hollow feeling back and take it apart. It is so bewildering, though, that it's very hard to just study it without building up such a reserve first.
Hmmm... I dont think unhappiness is a sudden thing. Its been in the works, subtley gaining momentum behind the flimsy veil of happiness. Admitting/realizing/becoming aware of this unhappiness can make it feel sudden, but its usually because we have done well to ignore the warning signs as they crop up. I think its the most challenging and most common aspect of practice.
Its difficult when you don't know someone personally..but its possible @heyimacrab that what you are seeing is Dukkha in its raw state. The Buddha said that as our sensitivity increases we can see it running even through enjoyable times..which sounds pessimistic until we remember that he also said that there is a remedy.
I think a lot of this is just part of life, ups and downs are normal and knowing it is all temporary helps, but if it hangs around I ask myself ' what am I attached to in this situation? .. it's the attachment that causes the suffering
What you are describing is the three poisons at approximately the same emotional energy level. All are reactions to something. Depending what you want to achieve, you should choose a meditation.
What do i do with my feelings? I embrace them. Its not like they are there for no reason. By feeling them, one understands the reason. You cannot outsmart them, because they have control over all your energy - when you almost "get it" rationally, they become anxiety, dullness, random feeling of feeling awesome etc. (in general, distractions), until you have no more desire to get at them. If you try to come up with a theory about them it will be an endless hunt, and any goal will escape you either just before you had it or will show meaningless when you think you have it. You can only direct them somewhat with different kinds of meditation. When you understand well what makes them arise, you get some choice what to do about it.
Today I became suddenly unhappy.
But I dealt with it
great post
I dont understand this.
I prefer to just smile alot. I feel that when I am wearing a serious face It is harder to smile when something negative occurs. If I am already smiling than it is as if I am prepared to laugh off whatever comes at me.
Maybe the answer you need is not in why you're unhappy but how you're ready to deal with it...
If it classifies as a distraction, such as some moods, then its actually part of the meditation. If it's something like a knock on the door, or a phone ringing, those are interruptions. If we can sit through it without stressing it too much, it will eventually subside. Such are distractions.
All conditioned phenomena, and that certainly includes feelings that suddenly arise, have 3 characteristics. They are impermanent, unsatisfactory, and not you.
Impermanence is usually the easiest to see because it is so obvious. If you do not cling, avoid, or generally overreact to the feeling by creating a story around it to keep it going, it will go away all by itself.
Through formal meditation we practice letting go. Thoughts or feelings come to mind and as we become aware, we note them, and return to the object of our focus. This art of silent awareness carries over to mindfulness off the cushion. No longer are we swept away by feelings.
Best Wishes
Yeah, but be honest,
.....you got a little help....
That's why they call it confusion. Sometimes it is bad and sometimes good.
Log off this website.......
It has been a little cranky around here lately.
It has been noted.
I am convinced such moods go in cycles. It happens.
Don't sweat it, they call it 'Life', apparently.
~smiles benignly~
As well as individual cycles there seem to be global cycles, perhaps due to sunspot activity or some such effect. We can eventually become independent of these to a degree. I for example get very cranky when my blood sugar goes down.
Equanimity increases with practice, no doubt . . .
Have you ever seen the movie "It's a Wonderful Life"?
It sounds like somebody needs a visit from Clarence, maybe. But maybe not.
I wonder what triggers the empty feeling... The beauty of nature to an empty feeling... Do you start to wish that more people could have the chance to see how beautiful trees and life really is? Do you start to wish you could always feel as good as you did a second ago before you started paying homage to the suffering that exists in that beauty?
I think suffering should be forgiven but never forgotten.
Just over 20 years ago I had something similar happen to me but it took care of itself with the help of two geese. It was summertime, about 7 am and I was sitting in a tree off a cliff above the 16 mile creek in Oakville, Ontario. I was also coming down from a pretty intense LSD trip but that's another story.
Everything was beautiful and then everything went ugly. Not the landscapes (that part of the day was over with) but the general mood and feeling. It went to being at one with absolutely everything and a feeling of belonging to feeling completely lost and alone. Well, they say we can't have the good without the bad but I believe when we see past that, it's all good. A good with no opposites because to see the bad in the good is to still be taking duality for granted instead of using it for the tool it is.
Anyways at that age I was just starting to hear of duality and not-self but that morning I was lucky enough to be sharing that grand space with a couple of geese. They were swimming happily together until they came to a rough spot and the wind picked up. They got separated around a bend and it looked like one may have gotten lost. It was like I could feel their panic until they found each other again. It's hard to explain how that made things feel right but it did.
You have this issue in hand. Since you recognize the onslaught of the empty feeling, you can begin to control it. First look at the physical: do you need a drink of water or something to eat?
Then look for patterns or triggers :is it the same time of day or after some activity.... Just be mindful of things. Try to anticipate the deeper sadness and look for things to do to avoid it. You already know it is coming. Go for a walk, call a friend, help somebody. Often these small things get me busy and I forget about my existential longings.
Perhaps you have a chemical imbalance. See your doctor .
I understand, sometimes I watch seagulls and it calms me. Because the seagull doesnt desire to be somewhere else, it is always here and now. I think I understand the suffering, it comes from desire. You can either be here and now or desiring, desiring is simply wanting to not be here and now.
Look at the hollow feeling. Perhaps, it will go away. People, I know, don't like to be looked at for a long time too.