Confession and devotion - does it form a part of your practice? Does 'Buddhist guilt' work for you?

The_Dharma_Farmer

Hi guys... Been thinking again... oh dear!

A far less contentious question than last time: I've always struggled to engage with Confession due to childhood context of Catholic guilt, but recently... Something just clicked on a very deep level and a surge of Shraddha ('faith/confidence') issued forth...

As a secondary question: In my tradition we are actively encouraged to discuss precept transgressions at chapter meetings, and urged to avoid collusion with others in rationalising our unskilful deeds of body, speech and mind. It's a fine line to tread I find, trying to be kind and contextualise my minor unskillful deeds on one hand, and on the other, moving towards a kindly zero-tollerance policy for my own transgressions.... I know everyone will see things differently, and I don't think we should get too caught up on what counts as a transgression etc... And I am also aware that the Vinaya sets out different rules for laity and monastics... I'm curious about your personal emotional experiences and practice rather than doctrinal expositions...

Wondering how others deal with this perennially thorny issue? We are blessed to have many wise and long-practicing beings here. I try and be understanding of my conditioning without condoning unskilful actions, and avaid 'guilt' at all cost as for me personally, it just feels too inward facing, and the self-flagellation hurts me, so I try and dwell in a sort of "kindly-contrition" or a Mettaful Remorse to strengthen my resolve to affect change on a deeper lever. Shame and other less damaging emotions can be more outward facing, more concerned with the person who has suffered as result of my poor decisions etc... We have the teachings of the Niyamas which can also be of use to assess intention etc and this sometime helps me as a sort of ethical yardstick...

For those intersted, I have expanded on these thoughts some more in an article below, and am really interested in the role of confession in different traditions, if any...

Here is the link - thedharma-farmer.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/confession-time-size-matters-power-of.html

Sending much Metta and with deep Katannuta,

D.F xx

P.s have a lovely Sunday, however much is left for you :-) Thanks for taking the time to consider this topic! xx

thegoldeneternity

I think that "confession" in the sense of acknowledging things that one has done poorly and intending to do differently in the future can only be a positive thing. Perhaps participating in some kind of confession ritual can help solidify positive changes.

Feelings of guilt (or regret) no doubt will arise. I sense that the guilt and regret, once they spur a positive change in behavior, are no longer of any use. For me though, they linger on for years. Sometimes an old memory will flash in my head of something I did (or didn't do) and I still feel incredibly guilty and regretful.

lobster

I still feel incredibly guilty and regretful.

Indeed.

I feel one of the first benefits of practice is acceptance of ourself as a dukkha being. For some facing mental, physical or environmental difficulties this can be overwhelming.

Acceptance is part of the space into which a degree of forgiving can arise. Most of us run from the guilt, the regret, the dukkha. We want joy and we want it now. Understandable. Possible, probably not really if we are honest.

This honesty, this confession that the self we are is NOT what or who we want to be attached to, is important. I would suggest our feelings hard as they may be, are very subjectively and experientially real. Ultimately and it is the ultimate we are, they are empty of form. That is our hope and refuge.

One of the reasons I like tantric Yidam practices is because I can give away and make offerings to Yidams of very negative qualities. They bless their cotton socks and compassion offer them on to hell dwellers. Sounds crazy huh? That's OK and totally forgivable . . .

https://www.kagyu.org/slogans/instruction_15.html

karasti

I don't really attach emotions to my transgressions, past or present. When I recognize I have broken a precept or done something I otherwise feel I shouldn't have done, I take a minute (or more) to pause and think about why I just did that, and truly understand it. For me, understanding where an action came from and my reasoning for it is what helps to short circuit it from happening again.
I was raised Christian, but not Catholic, so the confession aspect was not a big part of my growing up. The concept of sin and forgiveness in that manner just never made sense to me, so despite having been through confirmation and so on, I faked my way through it all, never believing in what I was participating in. So when I had the freedom to leave, I never had residual effects of that aspect of Christianity.
If I hurt someone else, of course I feel regret and I apologize but it doesn't do much good to apologize until I know why I did it, otherwise it just happens again. Simply making a promise not to do it again or feeling horribly guilty never got me anywhere, so I let those things go.

genkaku

My sense is that people take the precepts not so much with the understanding that they could keep them but rather with the understanding that of course they can't, couldn't and probably won't. This is not to suggest that the precepts are somehow worthless. It is useful and probably important to keep them in mind as anyone falls down and gets up, falls down and gets up, falls down and gets up.

When it comes to confession, I think it is true that the more you confess, the less freight you bear. It reminds me of the old refrigerator magnet that says, "Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly." Things are lighter without all the freight.

If any of that is relevant.

fivebells

The key is to keep in mind that the precepts, etc. are tools for improving your own life which you take on of your own free will for that reason. They are not commandments you will be punished for violating. So when something goes off course, a precept violation or whatever, the correct perspective is "How could I have approached this better? How can I keep the precept and satisfy the core imperative which led me to feel like I had to break it in this instance?" Sometimes, there's no such compromise and then you have to abandon that imperative to stay on the path, but that's rarer than you might imagine.

You can see this in the Buddha's initial instructions to his son:

"Having done a [bodily,verbal,mental] action, you should reflect on it: 'This [bodily,verbal,mental] action I have done — did it lead to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both? Was it an unskillful [bodily,verbal,mental] action, with painful consequences, painful results?' If, on reflection, you know that it led to self-affliction, to the affliction of others, or to both; it was an unskillful [bodily,verbal,mental] action with painful consequences, painful results, then you should confess it, reveal it, lay it open to the Teacher or to a knowledgeable companion in the holy life. Having confessed it... you should exercise restraint in the future. But if on reflection you know that it did not lead to affliction... it was a skillful [bodily,verbal,mental] action with pleasant consequences, pleasant results, then you should stay mentally refreshed & joyful, training day & night in skillful mental qualities.

The_Dharma_Farmer

Guys... I don't know what to say... Wow! This indeed is Dhammakata ;-) how wonderful your advice and reminders are... If it's ok, I'm gonna take a few days to process all this... I honour the spirit of Kalyanamitrata :-) I agree fully with everything here, isn't it great to see the same truth expressed in so many subtly different ways!

I know that taking ownership and kindly post-analysis is the way forward for all of us, but we express it in our own way, thank you! xx