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The Importance of Kindness
Pye
Explorer
I saw this the other day and thought that it was a good illustration of how our speech and actions can affect others and ourselves.
2
Comments
Thanks for that @Pye. A nice reminder.
I can remember I used to tag along with a couple of guys in high school who were bullies. They would push smaller kids around. I didn't get involved in the actual bullying but I regret that I didn't do something to stop it. Like a lot of teenagers though I lacked the self confidence to stand up for myself and speak my mind. I just wanted to fit in and be liked by the popular kids.
On the other hand, a few years ago I bumped into a girl I went to high school with who was quite overweight at the time (she had lost a lot of weight when I saw her again). She thanked me for being nice to her at school which was quite touching. To be honest with you I hardly remember her!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject. The world certainly could use more kindness, for sure! It's sad that there is an epidemic of bullying and narcissistic behaviour these days. It will not create a bright future for those who follow.
Funny how the girl, you mentioned, still remembered and valued your kindness from years ago and was able to give it back to you in recent years.
I read a comment by someone in a newspaper recently that I thought was quite pertinent.
They were commenting on how we have all these campaigns in Australia to stop bullying in schools etc. however the TV shows that rate the highest on commercial television are reality shows (cooking, renovation etc.) that revel in the contestants slagging each other off behind the other's back!
Why do people like to bitch about other people?
That's a good question, Bunks. I don't have the answer, but I do recall an article or two in some science journals about brains reacting when indulging in hate speech in much the same way as an addicts does when it gets a fix. It seems that, for some, unskilled speech triggers their brain's pleasure center. Not sure if they're predisposed to that or if they formed the habit or a little of both. The brain is an amazing organ- it just depend on how we use it.
I think it makes people feel better about their own shortcomings, which in turn perpetuates the cycle of Samsara
Who is this 'I' that we serve constantly? Were has it lead us to other than suffering? Before you die you will have regretted serving 'I" so much as opposed to helping others. Because when you die youll find out that 'I' is not who you really are.
I fear the current social trend favors bullies and hubris. These negative behaviours are are mistaken for strength and superiority.
The ancient Greeks considered hubris the ultimate blasphemy of men acting as if they were gods by humiliating their victims.
Hubris doesn't seem to bother people as much these days- more's the pity.
Really?
Kindness is a natural quality of the wise, but it can be quite difficult for you and me. It takes an amount of courage to stand up to mara, but I can imagine the great rewards of winning that battle.
means till now, you have not done anything which has not made you suffer?
i think in your some thread, i read that you are nearly 20 years old - so i would suggest dont think about anatta too much - thinking will not lead you anywhere - so relax, live your life, there is not everything in life which is suffering, otherwise samsara would not have continued till now. don't get too much involved into something, rather have a balanced perspective to figure out what is skillful and what is not skillful.
I think this is very true. I have recently found success in standing outside of that behavior as an observer, without allowing it to shake my confidence. In the past, it would totally shake me and make me feel as though I needed to react to it (and most likely to just run away).
So much attention is given to people who are brash and cocky. Much of it is positive attention, at least at first. In time, truth comes out. Negative qualities and behaviors produce negative results. The inverse is also true. Having confidence in this law of nature allows me to be steadfast and focus on my own right thoughts, right words, and right actions.
Kindness just makes sense when seeing things clearly.
I couldn't open the link, unfortunately, but I was drawn to the thread by the discussion on bullying.
Here in Switzerland, bullying is an epidemics.
My son will be eight this year and at least the first six months of his first primary school year, he has been victim of different episodes of bullying. He wears glasses, so some older boys taunted him by calling him "Harry Potter."
It was me against the system because people here believe you must let kids solve their own problems. And teachers don't get concerned by what happens during breaks. They simply shrugged me off as what they call in French a " hen mother" (an overly protective mother, in their standards).
My main thought at the moment was that kids represent the best and the worst of our human nature in the raw. We have to actually "learn" to tap into our kindness and compassion. It is not a given, something which most children would naturally feel inclined to do by themselves. It is through education that we learn to develop our feelings of empathy and loving-kindness. It is a choice.
Sadly I am unable to see the video, it may be restricted for some reason.
However just a point about kindness. It is a choice we can often make, therefore a practice or practical enactment of dharma. The kindness of parents, doctors and teachers may seem restrictive or even unkind to the recipient but the intent and motivation is kindness . . .
That people value ignorance, selfish, bullying, bad behaviour is sad. We have to participate in what we feel is the wiser option . . .
If you don't mind I'll try to offer to give you something that may count for an answer for you with kind intention, and not to be taken literally.
I: It is that which is the living being that is expressing being what it is.
I prefer to shorten it to 'I' or 'one' as threads become a bit boring if you have to make a long winded statement every time the living being that is expressing being what it is wants to express the being that it is being. See what I mean - a bit long winded.
Also if you want to condense I further until it becomes nothing. Then you can just be, but you won't be able to express yourself online, unless you use 'I' mindfully aware it is an illusion, which is what we come to know through the dharma, no?
I hope that helps clear that one up for you. Now I will get back to these many expressions of kind thoughts, intentions, speech and (re)actions.
Most people are unkind because they were treated unkindly. Because we live in such a small town, I know most of the parents of all the kids, and I can tell you kid for kid, that their parents were the same when we were growing up together, and now they passed the same bullying, lack of compassion, to their kids. Much of the time it is correlated with poverty, and a "the world is not kind to me, what do I have to be kind about?" way of thinking, but on the other side, bullies are commonly the rich kids, made to feel superior by their parents. My youngest is in preschool, he is 5 years old. One day at lunch, a little girl told us her mom told her not to talk to another girl in class, or the girl's parents, because they weren't good enough to talk to. It starts young. It's not that the kids really need to learn compassion. It's there from a very young age, but it has to be encouraged and supported, and when it's not that is the result.
Most parents here will agree that children reflect their environment, and of all environments, what is said and done in the home conditions them. A while ago our children were shouting at each other constantly and it was only by analysing and observing myself interacting with them, I realised it was all down to me. In my frustration at them not doing as they were told I raised my voice and over time this escalated into shouting.
This has significantly decreased by my tempering my frustrated reactions (and expectations of controlling them because 'I said so') and observing how loudly I am saying something when I speak to them. I'm also overtly practicing politeness and respect for them... Hopefully this will pay off when they are older.
I think that small kindnesses can be very significant - it's much easier when one is being mindful of course.
Communication builds / maintains relationships.
Relationships via game theory are win:win (nonzerosum) or win:lose (zerosum).
I think therefore that the propensity towards zerosum is present in self-preservation - also in nonzero where the notion of 'self' is widened to incorporate non-competing third parties (i.e. the sphere of competition is pushed back to include further participants at the mutual win).
Thus I think the automatic inclination is to build, explore and maintain these relationships which in turn requires an element of discrimination between those that are deemed useful to collective progression (however temporary) and the underlying individual motivation to be as so.
An on-going maintenance is required to determine which games should be played with particular participants either as nonzerosum or zerosum for the greatest return in maintaining the individual as so.
Here's another link- I hope this one works for all. It's too lovely of a message to be missed!
I'm so sorry to hear about your son's troubles. Shame on the school system for dismissing you as a "mother hen". All of the childrens well being and safety is their concern. In the States, at least as far as I can tell, those in charge are mainly concerned with their own promotions and comfort and don't want to rock the boat. They turn a blind eye to bullying and some even encourage it. Bullying is a form of child abuse, perpetrated by other children who are aided and abetted by adults.
I agree with you - children need to be nurtured and taught to be kind and compassionate if we are to have a civil society. The trend we have going now is destructive and creating a negativity which we all will suffer from in some form or another.
Thank you, @Pye! I was finally able to watch the video thanks to your second link.
We all experience the regret Saunders describes: those moments where a little gesture of kindness on our part would have made a difference to another human being.
Really sad. It takes so little and it could mean so much.
A powerful reminder to use our loving-kindness more often.
You're so welcome!