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Buddhist Weddings
karasti
BreathingMinnesota Moderator
A close friend of mine recently got married out in CO. She and her husband will be here this summer with a large group of friends. She has asked me to do a Buddhism-based ceremonial-only wedding program for them while they are here. It's not a legal thing, in any way, they are already legally married. Any suggestions? Have you had, or been to, a Buddhist wedding? What was included? They are not practicing Buddhists, by the way. They just wanted specifically to incorporate Buddhism into this ceremony so I was curious what other people have seen.
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Pardon me for asking, and I mean no disrespect but - if they don't practise at all and are not Buddhist.... What is their point...?
I'm not really aware of how Buddhism and marriage go together so I did a quick google and found this website helpful:
http://www.buddhistmatrimony.com/articles/wedding-customs-buddhist.php
I'm with @federica.
My Zen teacher married me and my wife ... I remember it as being serious in some parts and laughter-filled in others ... but the particulars are pretty much gone.
Maybe you should have a talk with your Khenpo about this?
What is the point of them wanting to incorporate the Buddhism? It's kind of a long story, lol. She incorporates a lot of things from Buddhism into her life. I guess one could say they view it more as a philosophy (within their lives) and she specifically uses quite a bit from it in her life. Her ex husband is a Buddhist, and so she got a lot of it from him. I shouldn't say she doesn't practice at all, there as aspects of Buddhism they do practice, but they don't consider themselves studying Buddhists, with a teacher.
Mostly, the "wedding" is just kind of a way to celebrate their marriage. They are part of a large group of people that met online following someone's work, and now every year they meet here in my hometown for a picnic, to get together. This is their 5th year (I was on the committee that planned this picnic the first several years) and because they are so much a part of the group, they want to have some sort of ceremony so all their long-distance friends can be part of it. They are in the process of adopting so they want to keep costs down and they just wanted a way to have something more secular and with Buddhism as a focus and I'm the only person they know who could in theory help them with it, LOL. She is a very close and dear friend, so I am happy to help her with it. Public speaking is not exactly my forte, so I need to plan ahead. And hope not to cry.
@Karasti
So I gather you are looking for a Buddhist celebration of your friends wedding vows.
This can be as elaborate as anything you can imagine or as simple.
Usually done in the presence of a Buddhist altar. (portable if it's going to be an outside ceremony)
If you are going to be the celebrant, and have robes..wear them.
Bring enough copies of an appropriate scripture that everyone recites (Prajnaparamit?)
Have enough Incense for everyone to be able to make an offering at the altar (charcoal and powdered incense works well for this).
Have the couple prepared to publicly repeat their marriage vows or another prepared version of them.
A closing recitation of the three refuges/ or practice vows.
In between all of these, an endless array of pomp and ritual can be added, depending on the School of Buddhism that the married couple and their friends are connected to.
The friends are a pretty diverse group, from all around not just the US, but a few from the UK, Canada and elsewhere. There will be about 300 people there. It will be outdoors, but there is a large covered pavilion. And I'd say that is a fair conclusion, a Buddhist celebration of their wedding vows. They wrote their own and will keep them. Thanks so much for the thoughts and ideas!
My own wedding was before I became a Buddhist. We wrote our own vows, and we were married by a large Viking looking friend, lol. There were some Buddhist aspects to our wedding,but we basically took what we liked from a lot of traditions and used those.
Here is a Buddhist wedding ceremony made by a student of Lama Yeshe, maybe you can find something useful in it to use.
http://fpmt.org/wp-content/uploads/teachers/zopa/advice/pdf/weddingceremonyeditedkm.pdf