Caught in a loop
geekchick
New
I am new to Buddhism. I have been practicing vipassana for about three and a half years now.
I have been on two retreats (each a week long). Unfortunately, I have found there
are no Sanghas in my immediate area. The closest one is about an hour away.
Recently, I found a monastery fairly close by. I started going to the weekly classes in February.
I am now in their "advanced" class and have now come up against something.
The Abbess recently reminded us that during her Dharma talks that we maintain
proper posture (ie, no elbows in the table, sit either cross legged or feet on ground).
Also, that during our walking meditation, steps were to be taken when a bell was rung
not before, not after.
I realize that these are just examples of "being mindful". But, what is more important
our posture during a talk or the meaning of the words? That we walk in time/rhythm
or that we be mindful of each and every movement our body makes?
Am I not accepting the things the way that they are or is this monastery's setting
just not the path for me?
Comments
You already know the answer.
Practice of being mindful can include posture and stepping to the bell.
I've read a guide book that said to visualize a sword above your head that will cut your head off if you lose mindfulness.
Fortunately there is also an attitude of going forward if you make a mistake. Don't we get caught up in daydreams countless times in meditation?
You could ask the teacher in private and you might get an answer.
Your choice
What about following these sorts of instructions isn't sitting well with you? Everything is material to use. There's not a right or wrong answer (or choice for that matter) because the answer is yours to make. ETA: I mean to avoid being self-righteous or self-denigrating when I say there is no right or wrong, I mean to say go DEEPER than that, avoid superficial judgmentalism. There of course IS skillful and unskillful, and don't intend what I said to be some kind of 'moral relativism'.
I'm thinking about the various silly or seemingly irrelevant things I feel 'told to do' in my life. I try not to make a distinction between Dharma teaching happening in a monastery or class versus Dharma teachings happening at work or at home. I'm getting better at that. Anyway, it's all about your perceptions, what kind of beliefs or attitudes 'come up' for you when confronted with something you have a little aversion to. That's the material for you to use.
If it feels good, do it ;
If in doubt, don't.
Best piece of advice I have ever been given. Works for every occasion.
2 negatives don't necessarily make a positive. This is not a loop, it's a negative cycle. Perhaps your vipassana teacher can advise you better. Have you spoken to him/her to guide your insight meditation better?
@anataman, I think the abbess is the teacher and that's where the "block" lies....
Then it is time to confront the teacher with their obstacles - what will they say when you tell them they are blocking your progress!
Oh I like that one....
I agree, talk to the teacher/abbess and ask, that is part of why they are there.
But I think it probably has more to do, like someone else said, with consistency in practice. Overcoming slight discomforts during sitting, for example, when you so often have the desire to change positions every 5 minutes, is a way of developing discipline.
If you carry your thoughts to other items in practice, they become more problematic, or rather, they would for me. I don't think it's an "should we walk in time/rhythm, or should be be mindful?" It's more so that walking in time/rhythm is a practice of being mindful and over time, keeping with those disciplines start to make a big difference. Being mindful and aware comes from the practicing of sticking with the discipline.
Every week when our Sangha meets, we say our opening prayer, 3 times. Well, would the world collapse and our practice end if we only said it one time? No. But there is something to be said for saying it 3 times, because each time you develop a bit deeper appreciation for it, there is more feeling in the words rather than simply repeating them, and so on.
A lot of Buddhist practice is, in my experience, about maintaining discipline. That, I think, is what the abbess is getting it. At least that is how it seems to me. Are you clinging to something that doesn't jive with what she says because you don't want to give it up? Maybe you don't want to give up putting your elbows on the table because that's what you did for 25 years. Why don't you want to give it up? I would focus on figuring out which parts bother you, and why they bother you. It might help you figure out the answer of whether this is the place for you, or not. But most teachers will have things about their way of teaching that will rub you the wrong way, and eventually, you will have to reconcile them within yourself.
. . . and your answer is?
Really? What if what "feels good" is harmful to you or those around you?
Some people take this sort of thing in stride and barely notice it, others find this sort of thing a distracting obstacle. But even if you decide that this is an intolerable distraction to the "real" teaching, why not ask yourself to put up with it for just a little while? If you have progressed to the Advanced class, you're probably learning and enjoying. Maybe worrying about your elbows can be used as a way to keep similar absurdities from being a distraction. Get what you can from it. When the goofy admonitions outweigh the benefits, it's time to move along to the next phase.
Thank you for the insights. I have an answer. As always, it was here all the time. Thank you again.
My guess is: when you decide that something feels good, you have already considered that it is not harmful to you or those around you.
Other than that, yes, I was also a bit stumped at certain rituals in my centre which at first I thought were not relevant to the practice.
One of the nuns is especially too serious and at first pointed out to me all the "should nots," not always in the kindest of ways.
But then, I began to think that the farther away we tread from the educational system, the more reluctant we are to accept little gestures of discipline which exist in the macrocosmos anyway, whether we want to accept them or not, and that far from blocking human interaction makes it more fluid and respectful.
I reasoned that cleaning my hands in saffron water will not make me a better Buddhist than adhering to the 4 NT, but I began to accept these little gestures as part of the picture.
>
Then it won't really feel good, will it?
Reminds me of a dervish retreat I went on. The meditation, study, meals, work periods were punctuated by 'ablutions'. I used to rush to the wash rooms for the Islamic ritual cleanings, which involve cleaning face/head, hands to elbows, feet to knees. It was later I realised the lavender water handed out was the shortcut version . . .
In a more Buddhist context the pressure to sit on the floor can be obsessional.
These formulaic rituals, very notable in the religious uniformed branch, can be participated in, tolerated, challenged, done mindfully etc according to disposition.
Not very important at all . . .