Fear

Bunks

I had an epiphany this morning.

It dawned on me how much I have let fear control my karma up until this point. All my intimate personal relationships (family, friends, work) have been controlled by fear.

What do I fear?

• Not being liked by EVERYBODY.
• Offending people.
• Failure (in particular relating to work and personal relationships). From a work perspective it has definitely held me back from doing my job to my full capacity e.g. I often don't complete tasks for fear of getting them wrong and being criticised.
• Being true to myself. I lie (not as much these days) to make myself sound better. I say what people want to hear and I am not always true to my beliefs / values for fear of being mocked / ridiculed.

Fear has made me run and hide for far too long!

Now the hard work starts......wish me luck!

lobster

Bravo.

Some people are offended by the inoffensive. Which of course is reflective of their inner state. Just be kind and like others as much as possible. Everything will improve.

Fear and anxiety are the root cause of my anger. Knowing their presence is the first step. It is amazing how many things are used to deal with fear. For me it was yoga and martial arts, which tranquilised the symptoms. In some ways that is a more helpful/skilful approach.

Emotions are strong arisings, both physically and experientially.

Good luck but more than that Bon Voyage. Your 'obstacles' are your means of travel . . .
:wave: .

Bunks

@lobster‌ - thank you kind sir. I know that you've always got my back. Good luck to you too!

Bunks

Oh, and another one:

• I often pretend to be some one I am not to please other people and not necessarily myself.

It is quite scary to reflect on all the non virtuous actions I have undertaken over the years that come from fear and anxiety.

It's good to purge.......

zenguitar

I know where you are coming from, @bunks! But the fact that you can clearly enumerate the issues means you are now about to take control of them.

Hamsaka

Well done @Bunks The fruits of mindfulness, eh?

They don't look all that tasty but they are VERY good to eat.

Fear and Anxiety are my signals to go into avoidance. I find that the difficulty is NOT in seeing through my fears or anxieties to what they really are (nonsense), but in convincing the rest of me they are nonsense. Have you ever had your body just stop you, refuse to go another step, like a horse about to spook? That's what I'm talking about LOL but I'm figuring it is still a kind of progress, however embarrassing.

karasti

I have had a lot of the same issues over the years. Believe me, just knowing you do those things and they are a problem for you will make a big difference. Now when it happens, you'll step back and think "woah, that's not how I want to deal with that situation" and you'll do different the next time I've had a lot of fear in my life, too. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out the root of it, but never had any concrete thing that happened. Just small things over the time I was growing up that felt big at the time. Enjoy your new found freedom

Also, I highly recommend TNHs books "Fear" and "Reconciliation" they are both very good for dealing with fear issues.

how

@Bunks

All Buddhist practice eventually asks you to surrender whatever your fear now owns.
It is a tough trek for sure but the rewards of freedom that it offers makes it well worth it.
While I think wishes are magical thinking, I would wish you courage on this trek.
H

Bunks

Thanks @karasti‌ - I just requested Fear by TNH from my local library.

DairyLama

I remember a quote from somewhere to the effect that courage means being scared but carrying on anyway.

Buddhadragon

I used to think my fear chip was missing until I became a mother. My son is the only person in the world that triggers some timid stirrings of anxiety in me. Anxiety over his well-being, his health, his happiness.

Otherwise, I've been rather reckless all my life, and dived headlong into life's experiences without any misgivings, without asking for permission, but without trespassing anybody's rights either. And if I ever felt fear, I did it anyway...

Wish you luck on this trip to Fearlessland!

Hamsaka

@Bunks said:
Thanks karasti‌ - I just requested Fear by TNH from my local library.

I have this on audiobook, and re-listened to it last night thanks to the two of you for mentioning it. TNH has a way of taking life's profundities and talking about them as if they are old friends of his. I want to make a much bigger deal out of everything than TNH does, which is why he's been a good teacher for me. He helps me keep it in perspective, for sure.