Finding the path - and staying on it.
delboyfab
New
I am not a completely “New Buddhist” (IMHO). Since finding Buddhism, I have always (and still do) consider myself unworthy to think of myself as a Buddhist.
And yet I am a Buddhist. All I say here are learnings from meditating.
I have tried – and continue to try - to live my life in a way that the Lord Buddha would have approved. But I cannot find the strength to blindly follow the path - that which is necessary to warrant such approval.
I sometimes think that I am “getting there”. I am on the path to enlightenment – but seeing is different to following – I step backwards too often. My failings are many. Perhaps I lived too long before finding the beginning of the path. But that is just an excuse. Then I have a period of success – I walk the path and feel at peace. Then I fall by the wayside – and am not happy. The peace of the Stupa pulls me – I return – I meditate – my resolution returns and I find the strength to go forward again in search of that which I need to find. I look for beauty in the world – I find it – and the path opens for me to proceed. But beauty amidst the ugly is really worth seeking- and once embraced will better propel me forward.
Comments
I think there is a beauty that includes all that we find ugly. This beauty has no opposite for it is the beauty of no opposites.
To begin with: making mistakes does not make you an unworthy Buddhist, @delboyfab.
We're just people groping their way about Samsara and coping as best we can to make sense of this lifetime we're "stuck" with.
We're all out here, just like you, moving one step forward, two back,.. and the waltz begins all over again.
The first person that deserves your biggest doses of compassion, love and patience is your own person.
Only then will you be able to feel compassion, love and patience towards other people.
And, by the way, we are never to old to learn nor to change ways.
Outstanding.
I am happy to join the ranks of the unworthy.
Perhaps you have been here before . . .
:thumbsup: .
IMHO we are always new Buddhists, moment to moment.
Great post, keep up the good work . . .
Sounds about right to me. Not a truly 'new buddhist' here, either.
I doubt the Buddha, even if he were a disembodied spirit watching us from some spiritual abode, has any such expectations. All the Buddha had was a 'prescription' for knowing suffering and the ending of suffering.
And who's to say that sliding two steps 'backward' is anything but our own inability to understand how Awakening happens?
The Abrahamic religions have an irritable God who purportedly puts such expectations on us. Buddhism has no such 'deity', nor any implied expectations. We ourselves add on the expectations. Really, you are doing spectacularly
. To get 'back on the wagon' over and over again is evidence of that. Welcome aboard 
I heard a story. A teacher was asked why sometimes (the student) felt so wise and other times a 'basket case'. The teacher said: "that's why it's called confusion. It's all mixed up".
To ourself,DhammaDragon,lobster,Hamsaka,Jeffrey - thank you for your words. They have given me encouragement - and will help me on the path. I feel stronger - thank you.
@delboyfab There are many obstacles to overcome along the path......But.......
Sensei Sevan Ross
"Great Faith and Great Doubt are two ends of a spiritual walking stick. We grip one end with the grasp given to us by our Great Determination. We poke into the underbrush in the dark on our spiritual journey. This act is real spiritual practice -- gripping the Faith end and poking ahead with the Doubt end of the stick. If we have no Faith, we have no Doubt. If we have no Determination, we never pick up the stick in the first place."
That's a great quotation, @Shoshin.
Thank you Shoshin - I shall remember those words and think on them @shoshin