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Understanding Suffering
BuddhistWannabe
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I've been exploring Buddhism and how it deals with suffering as of late. I recently have been dealing with grief due to having the opportunity of achieving a lifelong dream ripped from my grasp by those who have power over me, (supervisors, priest, teachers, etc.). I'm having such difficulty letting go of my hurt, vengeful thoughts and anger. I was so wronged by these people, it's so hard to drop it. I've been trying to meditate daily, sometimes I do 108 prostrations of repentance (thanks to YouTube). Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this type of suffering??
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More prostrations. Meditation in the midst of turmoil is like being aware of burning. You need some calm first. Have you tried walking meditation?
I think Buddhism teaches to let your suffering be in the space of your awareness and notice that it is a thought content. I don't think you learn by staying with the content. You have these thoughts of anger and revenge. They are the content. The problem is you can just totally lose your bearings and go on and on about the feelings and revenge or whatever. In the beginning of meditation we notice that it is content rather than getting lost. So a greater awareness has come. We are not only involved in the content but we have another perspective that 'those are feelings' or 'I feel anger'. And just keep on coming back and realizing that there is that additional perspective. You can also feel your body or the breath because that will help you come back from being lost or involved in the content (of the thoughts)..
Don't try and feel different, just observe your feelings and emotions without judgement.
Then you become the observer of anger and not the sufferer.
Just know that all these emotions will pass in time.
***this helps me but may not be for everyone, try and realise that you, and those that wronged you are all going to die. So don't worry to much. Be happy for in this life time you have a chance of freedom. ****
As others said; don’t judge the negative emotions. Welcome them.
Try to look at negative emotions (the anger or the pain) without being identified by them; without judging them. Just be curious and have an open heart for them. That’s practice.
Isn't it astonishing how all the negative, angry, resentful, hateful, vengeful feelings arise so easily, yet those which counteract such emotions, are so difficult to cultivate?
Oh they're easy to manifest when everything is going our way, and we're in "happy-go-lucky" land, but when we really need them, when we could really do with them, urgently, we have to work so hard to get them up and working....
Yet HH the DL states that being compassionate, kind and loving is our natural state.
And it is.
We weren't born angry, resentful, hateful and vengeful.
These are emotions which took time to develop.
These are emotions which were slowly cultivated over time.
Some experiences we had, all those years ago, as children, planted the seeds of these negative feelings, but instead of picking them out, discarding and weeding during the preliminary stages of their presence, unaware, we permitted these emotions to grow strong, set roots and flourish, precisely like bindweed, or brambles, spoiling the show of the beautiful garden that actually exists beneath.
They're only stronger, because instead of dealing with them during times of leisure, we ignore we have them at all. We turn a blind eye, during times of calm, and ignore the fact that they're there...
But we are painfully aware of them, when something stimulates their growth, and we realise just how strong they are.
Eradicating such pervasive and invasive emotions - emotions which took root, unbeknown to us, in our young and innocent, unaware and carefree days - is a mightily arduous task.
The most efficient way would mean going back to basics, rooting out where they stem from, and eradicating them at source.
But that's very difficult to do, and not always possible, so the next best thing is to tackle what you can see.
And what you can see right now, @BuddhistWannabe is, believe it or not manageable.
Visualise the emotions you are feeling against these people - NOT, I emphasise, the people themselves - as pernicious and invasive weeds. You don't want them in your 'garden'. You want your garden to be beautiful, and you want to demonstrate its natural beauty to others. You want to show that the garden is healthy, flourishing, abundant and bountiful, replete with every conceivable natural advantage any wondrous garden would have.
So visualise your hatred, anger, revenge, resentment, pain and spite, as these awful weeds, and begin treating them with Loving Kindness, Compassion and understanding.
Because the very first way you should manifest these positive feelings, is not for others. It's for you.
Unless you have Loving Kindness, Compassion, and understanding for yourself, your pain, your anger, your vengeful feelings - how can you manifest such goodness for others?
See, you've been doing this the wrong way.
You've been starting with trying to give all that positive energy to others, when in fact, you have been neglecting the very being who needs it most, right now.
(Do not confuse the above with self-pity. That's just another weed....)
Sit calmly. Be comfortable. Close your eyes, and breathe. Breathe in deeply, breathe out deeply.
Breathe in "Let Be', breathe out 'Let Go'.
Do this ten times. And each time, focus on each and every breath, and the sensations of those breaths, both in, and out.
It doesn't matter where you notice - in your nose, on your upper lip, the sound of your breathing, the feeling of your chest expanding and contracting, or all of those, consecutively or together.
The thing is, to be with your breath.
And every time you breathe in, be fully conscious of breathing in Kindness, Compassion Empathy and serenity.
And every time you breathe out, be fully conscious of breathing out hatred, anger, resentment and grief.
Really, really blast those weeds.
Embrace your in-breath.
Reject your out-breath.
Calm your heart, manifest total goodness for yourself, your feelings and your emotions, and understand you need to be appreciated, understood and loved.
And nobody can do that for you, better than yourself.
Once you begin to feel the right things for yourself, it will be much easier to develop them for others.
Start at home, with the small garden....
Take a few deep breaths ...Then try to see things from their side...Were they really out to get you ? Or are you letting the mind to make up stories ?
Be kind to yourself and develop acceptance. The first stage of the metta bhavana practice might be helpful.
Relax. Try to be mindful of your breath. Try to be in the present moment. Let go and be at peace within yourself.
I believe there is a saying that goes something like, "Pain in inevitable. Suffering is optional."
The Buddha pointed out that most of our hurts come from within. It is not that others have done no wrong. It is just that we are the ones hurting ourselves the most.
I have a question for you.
Who would you be without the thought "I have been so wronged by those people"?
You are not your thoughts. You are not your anger or fear either.
Thoughts and emotions come and go but you will still be here after they have gone.
Just leave them be.