Losing hope
Mingle
Veteran
I'm in a bad way at the moment. I just feel like what's the point of anything. A convo on here has got me wondering about Buddhism. Buddhism is really all I have keeping me sane. For years I have felt we are all just animals, barbaric violent animals at true nature and my only purpose as a man is to be Mr Big alpha man who has my pick of women and If I am anything less I am inferior and life is meaningless for me. I have repressed this way of thinking but It is rooted in my core, It's my biggest fear. Buddhism is the only thing keeping me sane and giving me purpose. I feel like I don't have to be genetically perfect there is someaning to life. If its all baloney then what is the point of having morals and being a decent person. Why shouldn't I just be in it for myself, I feel like being kind is weakness cause I see jerks getting women. I really am trying to escape this way of thinking but its hard.
Comments
Hi @Mingle.
I am sorry that you are feeling so down at the moment and feel that life has no purpose.
Do you have a doctor or therapist you can speak to about these feelings? Trying to understand what the causes and conditions were that made you think in this way can be very beneficial.
I'd suggest (like most things when it comes to our thought processes) it's probably a mixture of genetics and the environment you were raised in.
Best of luck! I can assure you that if you follow a Buddhist practice you will find much more peace and contentment in your life. You're probably just having a hard time seeing that right now!
@Mingle
I think you actuallycan see what is the cause of your suffering and what is not.
The degree to which you make "what is not a cause of your suffering" a priority over "what is a cause of your suffering", is the very same degree that true peace, freedom and equanimity will unfold in your life.
The degree to which you allow the cause of your suffering,to take priority over that what is not a cause of your suffering, is the very same degree that your distress will continue to haunt you.
While the path towards suffering's cessation might be a tough path to follow,
not doing so is simply the personification of your suffering.
@Mingle,
Would it comfort you to know that many of us have thoughts of that kind, from time to time?
Is this all bull? A pretense? What the hell is REALLY going on? WTF am I doing?
Are we all so deluded that we follow these so-called "wise teachings" from a man who supposedly existed, what, nearly 3000 years ago? What's it all for? Jeezus kerrist, it's all crap, all of it.
here I am, sitting in my room, and I look around and I think 'what on earth am I doing with my life? This is rubbish.... I should be out getting laid, getting drunk, getting high, getting something, anything but the load of bullshit I'm going through now...!'
'So what if i want a new pair of jeans/shoes/glasses...? why shouldn't I spend my money and enjoy the fruits of my labours? Why the hell SHOULD I think of 'the other guy' first!?
Trust me, I feel ya.
There have been times in the past where I have hated Buddhism, and all it's self-righteous "it's all up to you, you're like this because...." ideology.
Well fuck that, to quote a recent video posted in the Meditation forum.
And you know what? In a way, that's right.
Fuck that.
Do me a favour.
Drop everything.
Drop Buddhism, drop the 4 Noble Truths, drop the Eightfold path, drop the 5 precepts.
Drop the lot. Seriously, let it all go.
Fuck that.
BUT:
Drop the "we are all just animals, barbaric violent animals", drop the "Mr Big alpha man who has my pick of women", drop the "I am inferior and life is meaningless for me". Drop the "It is rooted in my core, It's my biggest fear". Drop the "just be in it for myself", drop the "trying to escape".
Drop everything.
Sit in a chair. No on second thoughts, slouch on the couch. drag your body into a quasi-supine position, let your arms hang loosely by your sides, let your heels hit the floor and just loaf.
But Drop everything.
Seriously:
Visualise EVERYTHING above, just oozing out of your fingers and feet, and spreading like a black oil all over the floor... like a tar-pool spreading over the floor and sinking through it, like water soaking into a sponge.
let it all go, and seep out of your system, until you feel empty. Mind-vacant. 'So-what'.
Fuck that.
Then just sit.
Then, observe the first thought you have, as you slowly come back into yourself.
And let us know what that thought is.
@federica sez: "Do me a favour.
Drop everything.
Drop Buddhism, drop the 4 Noble Truths, drop the Eightfold path, drop the 5 precepts.
Drop the lot. Seriously, let it all go.
Fuck that."
well said...luv it!
I like to read suttas, do you like to read suttas?
LOL.
Yes but ...
... sometimes we feel to hell with it. Then what?
Then we need someone to say yes we understand that feeling.
We are animals. Even the Buddha had chimp DNA. Strange but true. He also overcame that doubt, that need to be insanely obsessed with suffering/warrior yogi training/becoming alpha prince or [insert present difficulty]
Did he go out and buy a new pair of shoes? Eat a whole bar of chocolate or break his starvation vow? ... yes
(to the last one) shoe shop was closed ...
If only aunty @federica was there, she would have put him across her knee and given him a good spanking ...
Naughty Buddha.
@Bunks thanks that put me at ease. I have actually made a huge step and started taking counseling to finally nip my issues in the but. I figure that and meditation together should really help. I know I have some childhood issues and sometimes certain things I read can send me spiraling down.
@federica lol Fuck it is such an underappreciated phrase. I sometimes think of Buddhism as a whole religion based around just saying FUCK IT to the world.
No worries @Mingle. I too have spent some time in therapy in the past and recent times due to anxiety. This caused unwholesome behaviours.
Between that and the path of Buddhism I have improved heaps!
Patience and persistence are the key mate. Patience and persistence.......
I'd say you are far from alone in your struggles, right down to the details.
There is so much more going on in life than any one person can 'see' or think about and relate with. Usually, we have one or a few big ideas, and don't see all the other ways of looking at stuff. For instance, plenty of men see much more in life than being Mr Alpha Male with his pick of women. This is such a teensy little slice of what it is to be a guy. As a female, in my youth I had to cope with believing if I wasn't a Perfect Ten and very attractive to men, that I was a failure, ugly and unvaluable. See how black and white it can be?
Either we have to be THE best or we THE worst. You can see how silly the logic is, I'm sure. But that stuff gets in your head deeply, and you find yourself reacting to it as if it were the truth. That is how the 'monkey mind' plagues us, and why it's so important to develop insight into how your own mind works. They are just thoughts, and for most of us, controlling them isn't gonna happen. Instead, we can just watch the thought (however ugly or painful) just go on by. We don't have to jump on the thought and wrestle with it, or change it into something better. We can just sit back and watch the parade of thoughts go by, and not run and jump on all the floats.
Some thoughts are so powerful and connected to EVERYTHING we need outside help to disentangle ourselves so we can even see them as just being 'monkey mind'.
Another thing; it is a tough, but basic realization that there is no 'meaning' to life outside of what we make of it ourselves. That can be scary or even despairing. The good news is that you, yes you too, get to decide for yourself -- and yes, whatever you decide is exactly right for you. Why? Because no one else is deciding.
All the folks out there claiming to get 'meaning' from religion or whatever, as if it were given to them from a god, are just unaware that they are giving the meaning to themselves. They still are, whatever they insist. There is nowhere for the meaning to come FROM, except from within a person.
If finding meaning for your life is one of your main issues, you would be FAR from alone, so is everyone else, regardless of what they claim. It's a huge human preoccupation, so you aren't weird or missing something everyone else has. You are normal, and by admitting you don't know what your meaning even is, you at least are being honest
Sorry, I'm having a hard time understanding - are you saying that you're wondering if Buddhism is "baloney," and if there's a point to practicing it at all, or are you asking what is the point of trying in life in general?
If it's the former, then you've answered it yourself - you find that Buddhism keeps you sane. That in itself should be the reason for you to continue your practice.
If it's the latter, then I'd say that the point is to find the things that are meaningful to you and nurture them. These things may change and there may be gaps between them, but they will be there. You've already found one - Buddhist practice. I'm sure with some reflection and time, you'll find more.
@Mingle When I think that this life is all there may be, it makes me want to be better to other people. You don't need to worry that the guy down the street seems to have it made, beautiful girlfriend, money, possessions, good looks, whatever. That stuff ultimately doesn't make a person truly happy. Ask yourself if such a person is truly happy, or if they aren't just attached to these things.
Since you mention women more than once in your post...
I'm a young-ish guy myself and not getting laid for a while can be very challenging for me. It can easily become the biggest issue clouding all else. So I honesly told myself that at this stage I need it or else I go bonkers. Not very spiritual but whatever...my body works the way it works.
I can fulfill this particular need without hurting anyone and so can you. Of course, it is not possible to pursue every possible desire in this realm but that's how it is with everything, one needs to compromise and be reasonable.
I dare assume that you may have a somewhat idealistic view of this matter. But this is a natural process and if you see it for what it is and are open about your needs with yourself and others, nature will take care of it. This is only made complicated by our hangups, which our Christian - inspired culture instills.
Buddhism has little to do with this. If there is no abuse or deception involved (and like I say above, that is absolutely possible) Buddhism gives you its stamp of approval, as far as I am concerned. Now whether that will bring you lasting happiness is an entirely different matter.
Yay!!!! Double like!
@Mingle, I used to think similar to you some time ago. I wake up in the morning and think what is the point of all this. Why am I going to work Monday to Friday. Why do I need to take care of my health to extend life longevity. I suspect now that I suffer from mild depression at that time.
But, I want to let you know that it doesn't happen out of nowhere. There are some things you are upset about. In my case, it was an unfortunate relationship breakdown. I was let down by someone I trust. So a lot of disappointment, blaming, anger and grief at the same time.
In a buddhist way, it is just, he did what he did because of conditioning and other circumstances surrounding his life. I was a just a fool for the past few years, getting upset about this natural process. It was a bit of buddhist reasoning which relieves me from my troubles. I didn't try to seek any professional help, just some acceptance does the job. Figuring out what is causing all this might help.
Moment to moment life flux swings...Keep this in mind @Mingle... .Change is inevitable...