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recent observations

CuzowenCuzowen New
in General Banter

while following my path i've had some recent ponderings.

Is giving a compliment a way of throwing suffering at someone? IF I tell someone nice shirt, and it makes them happy are they doomed to suffer because the guy behind me doesn't say nice shirt? Originally I would say my intentions are positive, but now that this thought of "throwing suffering" has resonated with me. Does that change my intention?

I read another article regarding how to deal with negative thoughts. That we don't have to believe them, and how this is the purpose of the four great efforts, or at least the first two. Yesterday, I finally started disconnecting from them. every time I judge someone or say something hateful in my mind, I have been immediately been saying to myself, " not real " and then I do my best to observe the person and wish that they may find happiness. Great step right? Now that I notice it though it is seriously all the time. Its like having an asshole in my head. I know meditation and continuing my compassionate thoughts will eventually quiet him down, but its crazy how much you don't notice until you pay attention.

have a great day!

lobsterDavidBarah

Comments

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    You can only control yourself. Not the others who don't behave like you, and not the reaction of the person you interact with. Just make sure compliments are sincere and well-timed. I think sometimes some groups of people give compliments because they don't know what else to say. They are less than sincere, and basically space-filler. If your intention is simply a heartfelt recognition, then share it and leave it at that. I've never wondered why someone else didn't compliment me just because someone else might have. I thank them and smile and move on with my day. It's nice to hear something nice from someone in this world that tends to over-criticize.

    lobsterDavidCuzowenyagr
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    @Cuzowen said:
    while following my path i've had some recent ponderings.

    Is giving a compliment a way of throwing suffering at someone? IF I tell someone nice shirt, and it makes them happy are they doomed to suffer because the guy behind me doesn't say nice shirt? Originally I would say my intentions are positive, but now that this thought of "throwing suffering" has resonated with me. Does that change my intention?

    The question is largely pointless.
    You cannot determine someone else's suffering.
    You can only determine your own actions and motivations.
    How others behave is beyond your remit.

    I read another article regarding how to deal with negative thoughts. That we don't have to believe them, and how this is the purpose of the four great efforts, or at least the first two. >Yesterday, I finally started disconnecting from them. every time I judge someone or say something hateful in my mind, I have been immediately been saying to myself, " not real " and then I do my best to observe the person and wish that they may find happiness. Great step right?

    Yes, great step. Keep walking..... ;)

    Now that I notice it though it is seriously all the time. Its like having an asshole in my head. >I know meditation and continuing my compassionate thoughts will eventually quiet him down, but its crazy how much you don't notice until you pay attention.

    Do not separate the thought from the thinker.

    Have a good day, too!

    Cuzowenyagr
  • ZeroZero Veteran

    @Cuzowen said:
    while following my path i've had some recent ponderings.
    Is giving a compliment a way of throwing suffering at someone?

    Most likely not however it is context dependent so it would be prudent to consider each individual situation on its merits.

    Cuzowenyagr
  • yagryagr Veteran

    Great comments by everyone... oh wait...

    @Cuzowen said:
    while following my path i've had some recent ponderings.

    Is giving a compliment a way of throwing suffering at someone? IF I tell someone nice shirt, and it makes them happy are they doomed to suffer because the guy behind me doesn't say nice shirt?

    "...and it makes them happy..." then yes, they are doomed to suffering. But not because you said nice shirt. They are doomed to suffering because of what they did with that comment. They did that to themselves.

    Which isn't to say that we can't use a bit of discernment along the way. I try to keep 'right speech' simple. Is it true, beneficial, timely, and desired? If it meets all four - great. You think the shirt looks nice - so it's true. Is it beneficial, timely and desired? Sometimes it will be and sometimes it won't be - you make the call. You won't always be right - just do your best.

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