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Friend to discuss Dharma?

Seeker567Seeker567 Explorer
in General Banter

Hey everyone :) I'm an old member here, coming back basically because I'm lonely. 5 years ago when I first started meditating and exploring the Dharma, it was something very different to me. (I was 15, and expected this fantasy journey, complete with bells and whistles and all that stuff) Im almost 21 now, and am a new father and husband. I understand the Dharma as a very real, very practical teaching now, but feel like I'm hitting a roadblock in area of the sangha. I have no one to discuss the Dharma with, as my family and friends have very different views. So, I'd love it if someone around my age (doesn't have to be, but preferred) would want to become friends :D I'd really love a friend I can view as "skillful" to look up to and try to be a role model for, as I think this would help me being a father and get a better understanding of the Dharma, instead of just my viewpoint.

Comments

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    We're all here for you, @Seeker567 , although I will confess I'm old enough to be your momma...
    Pretty diverse group of individuals as you may well remember.
    Goodness, a dad at 21 already? That's a shock to the system!

    Welcome back. Sometimes, the best things happen when we're not looking for them....

    The best way to engineer good things in your life, is to walk the talk, stick to the Path and lead by example.

    Untold treasures lie in store for you.
    Can't say it won't be a bumpy ride, though....

    Tell us more about your marriage and family. That's quite a deal to take on at your young age!

    rohityagr
  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran

    @Seeker567 said:
    I'd really love a friend I can view as "skillful" to look up to and try to be a role model for, as I think this would help me being a father and get a better understanding of the Dharma, instead of just my viewpoint.

    Hello <3

    I was hoping you were going to provide a skillful role model for me in particular to look up to ...
    [lobster is foiled again]

    So then apart from raising potential Boddhisatvas, what have you learned over the last few years?

    yagr
  • Seeker567Seeker567 Explorer
    edited January 2016

    My wife and I are living with our 4 month old in a really tiny apartment. That transition was really hard, after being used to living in my parents huge house. But I kept saying to myself "Come on, you wanted to be a forest monk before all of this. you can handle a tiny apartment" and that helped. She's Christian, and wile supportive of my path, doesn't understand it at more than just a surface level. All I've learned these past 5 years is that;
    No one has any idea what they're really doing. Well, not "no one", but a lot of people. I've learned first hand that the cause of all suffering is expectations not being met, regardless if it's something being taken from you or you not getting what you want. And recently, I've realized that I really am alone in this. We can all talk to each other, but it's not like the rest of my life so far; where I can go ask a "grown up" or even a pastor or monk to make it better. But I really need some sort of community, I mean it's part of the 3 jewels for a reason

    Nirvanayagrmerx
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    edited January 2016

    It is nice to live among friends -- to be supported and corrected in a nourishing environment -- but there is also something to be said for examining why or how anyone might imagine they are NOT already living in that environment. The best "friends" are not always the most agreeable people.

    One of the best 'Buddhist' lessons I ever learned at the feet of my children was this: "It's not all about you." This is easy to say, but less easy to live ... sorta like Buddhism.

    lobsteryagr
  • rohitrohit Maharrashtra Veteran

    You have started meditating at very younge age. It is vert good thing. You should have done more progress in it. Carry on. At very younge age you are intrested in Buddhism is again surprising asuming that you are not from asian country.

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    Hi :) I'm not your age (just turned 40) but I have been in your identical spot. My oldest son was born when I was 21 years old and we lived in a tiny apartment. He is 19 and in college now. Things get easier :)

    yagr
  • WalkerWalker Veteran Veteran

    This is a case where the internet can be a useful tool. Depending on where you live, you may find some local groups, where you can meet the type of friends that you're seeking. Even by joining a local 'generic' group, such as a meditation group, you might be able to link up with like-minded people.

    You might also find a local sangha that you can join. Large cities often have more of a 'selection' of sanghas that follow different schools, but even if you live in a more remote area you might find a sangha where you'll meet mentors and peers that can help you. This could eventually lead to finding a teacher, if you think you may want that in the future.

    Of course, you may glean quite a bit of wisdom from the people here. For what it's worth, this is my sangha, as I have yet to join any local 'real-world' group. Many of the thread topics here have exposed me to views different than my own, views I hadn't previously seriously considered. And I've met a few people that I now consider online friends. =)

    rohityagrlobstermerx
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    Hey there @seeker567.

    I am a father to two young kiddies so can understand how tough it can be. Although I started a lot later than you (I am 44).

    I also know what it's like to not have anyone around me to discuss the dharma with. All my family and friends are pretty dyed in the wool Athiests so they are interested in Buddhism but don't really understand it. This site has been great for me to connect with like minded folk.

    I follow the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. Feel free to PM me if you ever need a chat about Buddhism. I might even be able to give you some help with your little one!

    Good luck!

  • Lee82Lee82 Veteran

    Welcome back @Seeker567, I've been here quite a while as well but come and go depending on what life throws at me. I really wish I would spend more time with the nice folk on here, reading the suttas and meditating. Peace and best wishes to you, see you around the forums.

  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran

    <3

    I like what @Walker said.
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treeleaf_Zendo
    is an online sangha in the Zen tradition.

    I found them very friendly. Sure there are others ...

  • LionduckLionduck Veteran

    Oh my goodness! I have grandchildren around your age.
    Welcome back,@Seeker567.

  • dantepwdantepw Veteran

    I just turned 23 years old and I would love a spiritual friend as well :) are you on Facebook by any chance?

    lobsterWalker
  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran
    edited January 2016

    Be friends! <3

    Iz plan!
    Today friends. Tomorrow a friendly world ...

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