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@Bunks For aspie kids (I'm sure you know already) there is a lot of associated discomfort with crowds or groups of people. It often causes a spike in body temp, noise, smells, all the things aspie kids tend to want to avoid because they feel and sense it all at such a higher level than other people do. They might pick up on the stress of adults around them. They tend to be more perceptive in that way as well. But, they don't usually attach the emotion to situations. It's just an observation on their part. In my experience, of course.
@karasti said: @Bunks For aspie kids (I'm sure you know already) there is a lot of associated discomfort with crowds or groups of people. It often causes a spike in body temp, noise, smells, all the things aspie kids tend to want to avoid because they feel and sense it all at such a higher level than other people do. They might pick up on the stress of adults around them. They tend to be more perceptive in that way as well. But, they don't usually attach the emotion to situations. It's just an observation on their part. In my experience, of course.
Occasionally someone who doesn't know her will say to me "you should take your daughter to see such and such a film at the cinema!" I have to chuckle. That would pretty much be the worst torture I could expose her to!!!!
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited January 2017
@Bunks , I think if you're honest with everyone, and ask your ex to not approach you with her new partner, it's totally understandable and acceptable.
But consider: you say he's one of the dads at the school... which must mean he has a maelstrom of issues to have to handle as well. Jeesh, you've got your anger, resentment, discomfort, embarrassment, dignity.... Does he have his share of Guilt, resentment, discomfort, embarrassment, dignity and gossip to contend with, too? What of HIS ex-wife? How is SHE going to deal with this? Women view infidelity in their husbands in an entirely different, emotional way. The Pain is almost unbearable. She's the Mother of his children; she made love to him, laboured and bore his children and now he's devoted to another woman... The emotional drama expand and covers everyone...
You see how the pebble makes waves....
I realise right now you have enough on your plate dealing with how YOU feel.... but in situations where multiple relationships are involved, you're never alone in the 'feels'....
Hey @federica - thanks for the feedback but multiple relationships aren't involved. He is a single father. The mother of his child hasn't been on the scene for several years (drugs and mental health issues I believe). She hasn't seen their son for years. He is the sole primary carer.
I am sure there is some guilt on his part for what has happened. My ex feels guilty too. She has told me she does.
To be honest with you, I am comfortable with pretty much everything that's happened but I am just feeling uncomfortable about the school thing. That's all.
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
Yes, it's what is euphemistically called 'a challenge'... It looks as if his life was running mainly evenly, and then this happened....
Sometimes, Living in the Moment is what we strive for, but it can be insular when you think of the fact that things don't stand still....
This too shall pass, life will move on. You'll be fine.
@ZenCanuck said:
I'm not trying anywhere, actually. I gave up on online awhile back and don't do the bar scene. Actually, I'm getting involved with local Buddhist groups not just to promote my own spiritual evolution but hopefully to meet some nice men who, because they're working on themselves, may be less likely to be as blindly avoidant as the men on online services - men who want to be in a relationship but don't understand themselves, their insecurities, or their motivations and so cycle through relationships never understanding what went wrong.
The guy doesn't have to be Buddhist...just someone working on himself and looking inward.
Sounds like a good idea. Anyone working on themselves will be more mindful and probably a good partner.
Comments
Oh, sorry, thought we were talking young teen. Sounds good.
@Bunks For aspie kids (I'm sure you know already) there is a lot of associated discomfort with crowds or groups of people. It often causes a spike in body temp, noise, smells, all the things aspie kids tend to want to avoid because they feel and sense it all at such a higher level than other people do. They might pick up on the stress of adults around them. They tend to be more perceptive in that way as well. But, they don't usually attach the emotion to situations. It's just an observation on their part. In my experience, of course.
@Bunks this is when Dharma practice should really kick it..."Metta" & Compassion comes to mind, for 'all' parties involved....
May I/you be happy
May all sentient beings be happy and free from suffering
Yeah. I know @karasti but thanks anyway.
Occasionally someone who doesn't know her will say to me "you should take your daughter to see such and such a film at the cinema!" I have to chuckle. That would pretty much be the worst torture I could expose her to!!!!
@Bunks , I think if you're honest with everyone, and ask your ex to not approach you with her new partner, it's totally understandable and acceptable.
But consider: you say he's one of the dads at the school... which must mean he has a maelstrom of issues to have to handle as well. Jeesh, you've got your anger, resentment, discomfort, embarrassment, dignity.... Does he have his share of Guilt, resentment, discomfort, embarrassment, dignity and gossip to contend with, too? What of HIS ex-wife? How is SHE going to deal with this? Women view infidelity in their husbands in an entirely different, emotional way. The Pain is almost unbearable. She's the Mother of his children; she made love to him, laboured and bore his children and now he's devoted to another woman... The emotional drama expand and covers everyone...
You see how the pebble makes waves....
I realise right now you have enough on your plate dealing with how YOU feel.... but in situations where multiple relationships are involved, you're never alone in the 'feels'....
Hey @federica - thanks for the feedback but multiple relationships aren't involved. He is a single father. The mother of his child hasn't been on the scene for several years (drugs and mental health issues I believe). She hasn't seen their son for years. He is the sole primary carer.
I am sure there is some guilt on his part for what has happened. My ex feels guilty too. She has told me she does.
To be honest with you, I am comfortable with pretty much everything that's happened but I am just feeling uncomfortable about the school thing. That's all.
Yes, it's what is euphemistically called 'a challenge'... It looks as if his life was running mainly evenly, and then this happened....
Sometimes, Living in the Moment is what we strive for, but it can be insular when you think of the fact that things don't stand still....
This too shall pass, life will move on. You'll be fine.
Sounds like a good idea. Anyone working on themselves will be more mindful and probably a good partner.
Good Luck