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Self Pity

Found this video on YouTube and it's very interesting. It shows the importance of self pity...

It's interesting because every other video I find on it seems to be very anti-self pity.

We all have times where something has not gone the way we want it or someone has said something to upset you and we just lay into ourselves. Perhaps crawl away into a corner and sulk.

Sometimes a good session of beating ourselves up can be quite good. I find that afterwards I can feel alot better strangely.

Of course this behaviour doesn't exactly spell strong or attractive does it? In fact it is probably a huge turn off. Maybe it can lead on to low self worth.

Being mindful though I guess it is simply just a feeling, one we need not worry about. It is definitely possible to experience and not let it become you.

Your take...



  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    From what "I" gather....
    Self Pity reinforces a sense of self that's separate from others .... (It's all about "me"..."Why me???")

    Self Pity = Clinging to

    However developing Self Compassion is more inclusive .....(It doesn't shut others out)....

    Self Compassion = Letting go

    So I would think it's more a matter of "The Importance Of Self Pity Compassion"

  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    I really don't know where you get any impression that there's anything here about 'beating ourselves up'. "beating yourself up" is not what this video is discussing.
    This video is talking about Compassion for one's self: Recognition that we have emotions that it's ok to acknowledge.
    Recognising that sometimes, Dhukka sucks and it's sucking at us. Those irksome twins, Sam and Sara, are spoiling our game, and not playing fair. And it's demoralising and makes us sad.

    But it's ok to see that. It's ok to appreciate that we could do with a hug. So it's ok to give ourselves one.
    The secret is to not prolong the hug until it becomes suffocating and stifling.
    Give yourself room, give yourself time, give yourself love.
    Then "Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start all over again."

    I think you have a poor understanding of allowing self-compassion, if you mistake it for 'beating yourself up'.

  • ShoshinShoshin No one in particular Nowhere Special Veteran

    This may help @Mingle .....
    What is Self Compassion?

  • lobsterlobster Veteran
    edited October 2017

    @Mingle said:
    Your take...

    No thanks. No take. ??
    Yep I am being compassionate to myself. Selfish even. Pitiable? Nope.

    Wikid? Oh yeah! o:)

  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran


    May you be well
    May you be happy
    May you live your life with ease.

  • karastikarasti Breathing Minnesota Moderator

    To me, "pity" has negative connotations because it implies wallowing, of giving ourselves permission to go beyond being ok with where we are at, and accepting it and observing it and allowing it to pass. Pity normally means we've noticed we feel bad, and then we exacerbate it in order to make ourselves feel worse. AKA beating ourselves up. I find not value in that whatsoever. I much prefer self-compassion, which to me means gently allowing my feelings to be. I don't find either that the video is talking about self-pity really, which is actually defined as excessive unhappiness. IE that which we feed and build on purposely with our egoistic storytelling to validate not only feeling sorry for ourselves, but making ourselves feel even worse so we feel even more validated about how horrible everything really is for us. That is why you find most resources suggesting self-pity isn't a good thing. By definition, it is not.

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