It comes, it goes

Jeroen

This is something I have encountered of late. A while ago in meditation I went through a sequence of deep states, first surrender, then a wanting to be helpful, then a willingness to be used. This led to a bleeding away of energy. Later I came to the conclusion that one should not cooperate in being used, I ended up blaming myself for this. Since then I have noticed a tendency to dwell on my mistakes, a tendency towards being negative about myself.

It comes, it goes. It’s only meditation, these are thoughts and feelings that are like mirages. Nothing more need be said, as long as you are happy that you have learned the lesson. What have I learnt from this? Blaming oneself is another way of heaping on yourself more trouble, you just accumulate negativity that way. It is better to stay positive, to do what you can to fix things after you notice an error.

Shoshin1

It's interesting if one thinks about it....How can you blame ( or for that matter praise) your self ?...Who or what is doing the blaming or praising of the so-called self...is the self itself...both culprit & victim....the criminal, the Judge and the jury all rolled into one..... go figure...

You are right @Kerome , tis just a thought which at times can be charming in nature...
And for the most part the aim of meditation is to find the middle ground and not take sides.....not take one's thoughts too seriously

Jeroen

Yes you are right @Shoshin1 you do indeed get charmed by the thoughts. The mind runs away with you and it’s easy to get caught up in things. The important thing is to bring the mind back to reality, to go and acquire insight and equanimity and realise that these things we feel are just like dreams.

Shoshin1

The important thing is to bring the mind back to reality, to go and acquire insight and equanimity and realise that these things we feel are just like dreams.

Which reminds me of ....

..May I clearly perceive all experiences to be as insubstantial as the dream fabric of the night and instantly awaken to the pure wisdom displayed in the rising of every phenomenon

~ Part of Red Tara dedication~

lobster

It is better to stay positive

Indeed.
Finding the positive in the negative or how positive experiences may be masking hindrances is hardcore. Initially it is very important to develop a positive impetus.

We may need to take refuge, practice, polish our behaviours (despite valid zen teachings) etc.

The greatest error is? Email to usual addressing ... ✅
For me it is being positive that I am positive