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The Giving Tree Revisted
person
Don't believe everything you thinkThe liminal space Veteran
The children's story The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein has been a popular book read to children for many years. It tells the story of the relationship between a boy who grows old and the tree he grew up with. The tree gives all it can and is happy for it.
I think the lesson of the book is generally seen as an example of unconditional love and unending generosity. For some people the tale didn't sit well with them, it also represents the abuse of a narcissist and their victim's cognitive dissonance in their gratitude for a one sided relationship.
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I think you can look at it in different ways… seen as a relationship between man and nature it’s a very beautiful story. But if you look at it as a template for a relationship between two human beings, it doesn’t speak of healthy boundaries.
But I am reminded of the love my mother shows for her partner, my stepfather who has Alzheimer. She also gives and gives, with not a lot of giving from his side. So maybe for married women there is more giving in a relationship with an older man. Giving a lot is not necessarily bad…
From an adult point of view there is a certain amount to appreciate there.
I think the psychologist's main point is that the boy/man only took and didn't reciprocate or even show gratitude for the tree's sacrifice. That the tree's generosity is unhealthy since it was so one sided and destructive from its side.
I don't think it is unhealthy to give without expecting or wanting anything in return. In this relationship the boy is the unhealthy one, because he constantly takes and doesn't consider the health or happiness of the one who is giving.
That is more a modern ecological aspect, which I appreciate. What you said is in miniature what the whole world is confronting with what is happening with the biosphere.
This is what I thought too. And it made me sad that the tree was happy even though it was reduced to a nook.
The boy only thought of himself and, as he grew older, it seems that that path didn't make him happy at all. What a waste of time and tree!
It made me think of my own egoistic actions towards my parents, friends, society, etc. I wish I could be a bit more treeish and a bit boyish to be able to give without expectations, but also have a minimum sense of preservation.
Yeah, for sure the bulk of the responsibility falls on the boy. From the tree's side, the unhealthy part isn't the attitude of generosity, its the not setting of boundaries in relation with someone who only thinks of themselves and doesn't reciprocate.
Yeah you can imagine an alternate story where the boy in youth provides to the tree the joy of having a boy climb the tree. And then as the boy develops more capabilities he takes care of the tree making sure it is healthy and caring for the land that the tree is in.
That would be nice, but I think the bottom line is that the tree was always happy and the boy was always unhappy. From the tree's point of view, her behavior made her happy, even when she was reduced to being nothing but a stump for the boy to sit on. So how could the scenario be improved for her by the boy being more considerate and treating her better? The improvement would be for the boy, in hopefully feeling better because he was behaving better.
My understanding of the argument made in the video is that the happiness the tree feels is a sort of cognitive dissonance or false consciousness. That giving to someone who doesn't reciprocate and only takes to the point of personal destruction is an unhealthy place to be, and its conditioning that causes the tree to not value its own health.
I think I would say that by protecting its own vitality the tree would be able to continue giving in a regenerative way and ultimately would be of more benefit in the long term. In terms of modern relationship advice the tree needed to draw better boundaries and learn to say no, to find another child to let play in its branches and eat its fruit. One that would also water and prune it. It would still have the opportunity to feel happy at giving.