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What about all those happy people?
Hi, All:
National and international surveys find that a majority of people report being satisfied with their lives. See for example this recent gallup poll: http://www.gallup.com/poll/103483/Mo...nal-Lives.aspx Most of the people I know don't really seem to "get" the point of Buddhism, and don't perceive themselves as unhappy.
Are most people suffering but just unaware of it? Are they aware but is it just taboo to talk about these existential challenges? Or does Buddhism just attract unhappy people?
This difference has pretty major implications for how we lead our lives. If you take the view that suffering isn't the norm, then when you feel like crap the answer is to change your life. If you view suffering as pretty much a given, then changing your life generally isn't the answer.
What are your own experiences with this?
Peace,
Ben
National and international surveys find that a majority of people report being satisfied with their lives. See for example this recent gallup poll: http://www.gallup.com/poll/103483/Mo...nal-Lives.aspx Most of the people I know don't really seem to "get" the point of Buddhism, and don't perceive themselves as unhappy.
Are most people suffering but just unaware of it? Are they aware but is it just taboo to talk about these existential challenges? Or does Buddhism just attract unhappy people?
This difference has pretty major implications for how we lead our lives. If you take the view that suffering isn't the norm, then when you feel like crap the answer is to change your life. If you view suffering as pretty much a given, then changing your life generally isn't the answer.
What are your own experiences with this?
Peace,
Ben
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Comments
I can honestly say when I am at home around my family I am very satisfied, but once I turn the TV on, read the paper, or go to work (police) I can honestly say I am depressed, saddened and unfortunately at times angered with what is all around. Iraq, Afghanistan, Africa, Tibet, America (politics, recession, religion)
Peace to everyone is what I believe will bring true life satisfaction to all. I believe it is attainable through education on the cause and effect of greed, power and the disconnection allot of people have with compassion for all living things.
Palzang
I wish I could give a reference, but about 5 or 6 years ago, around Christmas-time, there was a programme on UK TV about how different religions, and branches of those religions, were preparing for the coming Festive season...They were also examining the satisfaction/Contentment value of these religions at this time.
They also included Buddhists - who of course were in many ways entering into the 'spirit' of things, but not celebrating anything in particular.... and concluded that of all the people polled and scrutinised, globally, generally speaking, Buddhists came out way ahead of anyone else on the Happiness/Satisfaction/Contentment scale. For some reason, somehow....
They singularly failed to point out or indicate why...
But admittedly, that wasn't what the programme was specifically focussing on....
We coulda told them, hey Pally....?
Thanks for all your thoughtful responses. Building on what you're saying, I think that in today's society, everything is geared towards making ourselves comfortable and insulating ourselves from sickness, old age, and death. People are supposed to be happy, and if they're not, it's either because of their life circumstances or because of their brain chemistry. There just seems to be such a disconnect between the Buddhist view of the world (which I know is right) and how most people experience, or at least talk about, their lives...
Gassho,
Ben
But then I've always been a little (?) weird...
Palzang
All the glamour, make-up and projected image/veneer had been stripped away, and there she lay, in all her natural mortality and impermanence.
Very sobering.
And that's all of us folks, at one moment or another.
The French are decidely more 'down-to-earth' about the provenance, preparation and presentation of the meat they eat. Whatever a person's opinion of meat consumption is, at least in France, if they go hunting, they use and distribute what they catch... And they use a darned sight more of the animal than more 'sensitive' countries do...
I remember when I was living in France, helping an English couple translate and interpret some of the labelling.
They left rather quietly....
I am not quite sure about that particular practice, but in general, meditation techniques centering around death are quite common in most Buddhist traditions, e.g., see marananussati.
Jason
In Food for the Heart, Ajahn Chah gives a wonderful account of an experience he had while meditating all night in a charnel ground.
Jason
The autopsy had taken a while so she was a little worse for wear, to put it nicely. Basically she was a skeleton with cheap rouge on her cheeks and too much lipstick on her lips which were sliding off her face towards her ears. The line of her mouth was twice as long as it should have been. I'll never forget the site for as long as I live. It reminded me of The Joker from Batman. It was truly horrific. Sickening. She would have been mortified, no pun intended. All bones and slipping skin. My 98 year old grandmother looked better in her coffin.
But I'm so glad I got to see the body that way. The horror of it has helped me immensely. Seeing it like that, grotesquely made up like some kind of deranged doll, gave me exactly what I needed. The truth. Even though the funeral home no doubt thought they were doing us all a favour by trying to make her presentable, the makeup just made her look...well, you know. I won't keep repeating it. So it was a twisted sort of North American death truth, but truth nonetheless. It was just a carcass of bone and skin, my sister having been long gone by that point, and something I needed to see. To face. I know I've been terribly sheltered from death and that has resulted in my imagining it to be much, much worse than it actually is. Having seen the reality of it, or close enough to, I realized I could handle it. Even though I'll never forget how the body looked in that casket, it's not a memory that causes me pain. It's a memory of relief. "So that's what it looks like! It's gruesome and everything but it's not so bad. It's just a pile of organic matter. Now I can really let go." My imaginings were much worse than the reality, as is almost always the case, isn't it?
So that's a roundabout way of saying the more reality there is to death, aside from the kind you get in war, the better, for me at least. Now I feel I can handle the future deaths I'll have to live through, like probably my parents and so on. So I guess the reality of it empowered me and freed me from my dark imaginings.
Anyway, back to the topic. This topic about happiness and everything is so interesting because reading the First Noble Truth was when the light came on for me. I had been living under this ridiculous notion that I was supposed to be happy, that that was the natural order of things. And when I suffered it meant there was something wrong with me. So when I read the First Noble Truth a huge wave of relief washed over me: "Ooohh!! So THAT'S the way it is! No bloody wonder I'm suffering. Suffering is natural. Phew! What a relief!!" And that's when I knew for sure I was on the right path.
And, honestly, why should the other billions around the world, starving, flooded out, lacking clean water, watching their old and young die of avoidable diseases, care a fig about American happiness? In fact, it is a slap in the face of the poor and disinherited: a few are happy while the majority pay with their resources and lives to maintain that happiness.
On a lighter note (!): dead bodies. After Chris (my wife and Jack's mother) died, her body was returned to us, coffined but with loose lid, to lie with us until the funeral, six days later. When we first lifted the lid, our initial reaction was; "She wouldn't be seen dead with her hair like that." Having said which, Jack and I laughed and cried and laughed again - and then we did her hair again.
Having had to attend all-too-many funerals during my work, in the '80s. with AIDS patients and friends, I was aware of how much of a shock it can be: a person dies, their body is taken away and never seen again - all that is seen is a coffin, strange and unfamiliar. For us, by the time we got to the funeral, the coffin had become nothing more than a rather inconvenient object. No shock when it came into church, and only one person commented that there were coffee cup rings on the lid!
Originally I found this gruesome - good word Brigid - but I have come to realise that it is is better than the sanitised version where in the UK at least, one sees the person and then sees nothing but the box. Here we see the fact that the person is dead, cold and gone. No doubts, no uncertainties.
Not only does it bring home our own mortality, it ensures that everyone has closure - Pappy hasn't gone away, he is dead.
Speaking of which, I've found a little trick that helps me whenever I'm feeling really annoyed with one or the other of my parents, which happens, especially because I live with them and also because I can be a pretty miserable bitch to them at times, especially when I'm in pain. (Does that sound as bad as I think it does?) I take whatever's annoyed me, usually some really petty little thing like knocking on my door 15 times in one day or something, and think about how much I'll miss that when they die, how much I'll wish I could hear them knock on my door just one more time, you know? Works wonders.
Oh, and Simon, the first part of your post when you were talking about how only Americans had been polled and so forth, hadn't even occurred to me until you brought it up. How true!! You've got such a good way of thinking globally and putting things into perspective. Thank you.
I have actually specified several options in my Will.
Whoever has to deal with my remains, will have them - and me - at their disposal.
Sky Burial, ecological burial or handover to science to use as they will.
I've also specified the donation of any working and useful organs.
at least, when they dispose of me, I'll be slim and attractive!!
I've never experienced a human death in front of my eyes. You explained it so well, though, it gave me goose bumps. I have a hard time dealing with the "one minute they're there and the next they're gone" thing. It's so final and yet it happens in seconds whether you're ready or not. Boggles my mind.
Fede,
I'm doing exactly the same thing with my will. I'll be seeing the lawyer shortly and I'll be telling him almost verbatim what you said in your post. Let the doctors take whatever they can use and give the rest to a medical school or whoever else may want the remains. If my family wants to, they can put up a marker in the grave yard where my parents want to be buried.
yeah thats the craziest part, I remember my aunt who is a nurse in the NICU in a different hospital reaching up and turning off the heart monitor, and thinking "Jeez I hope we dont get in trouble for that". You never really wrap your mind around the idea that its someones last moment of conciousness or whatever......on the much lighter side though, as far as dealing with my own remains, heres a copy of a blog I posted on my Myspace awhile back, you guys might get a kick out of this......
Current mood:
Hey everyone,
Mortality has been on my mind alot lately, and so Im planning for the future. When I pass from this great life of mine, it is my wish to be cremated, and for my ashes to be cast into the eyes of my enemies. Problem is, its hard to keep track of everyone, and I certainly dont want to leave any of you out. As a result Im forming "blinded by irony" the Ethan Novinsky project. So if you want to be a part of this, and you hate me accordingly, please fill out the form below, and forward it to me, it will make the process alot easier. After you fill this out, and turn it in, you will be issued a phone number to call, and a pin number to give in the event you relocate, just call and give your unique pin number to the friendly operator, and your new location will be noted, so that when the time comes, you wont get left out. Also included is the option to have a personalized salutation given at the moment of delivery. If theres something you want the delivery person to say as he/she is casting my ashes into your face, just note it in the form.....examples include "Ethan Novinsky sends his regards!!" "Whazzzuup!" "Exselsior" or the ever popular "There can be only one!" or feel free to choose your own.
now..the fine print
Blinded by irony is not responsible for any injuries incurred in this service. Your personal information will be kept confidential, and you will not be spammed. Blinded by irony due to heavy demand reserves the right to substitute similar product for actual Ethan Novinsky ash, these products may include, but are not limited to cigarette ash, charcoal ash, cremated road kill, and fireplace ash.
now your form, I hope to hear from you all soon
Name: (last,first, middle)
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please forward to my myspace email, thanks for your support!
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
By Sarah McLachlan
Release date: 15 February, 1994
Probably not...
There are many things in life we are not aware of.
But what about you - are YOU happy?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDSAAlrqAHM
Yes - !!
See my signature....!
Brigid said it all, Pilgrim. Or do we have to take a poll to establish that fact?
Thanks, all.
Is that how we should interpret the First Noble Truth? -
1. There is suffering in life.
2. But there is no constant suffering.
3. There is happiness in life.
4. But there is no lasting happiness.
Please advise thanks!
But the Roman emperors knew how to satiate the people:
Give them Bread & Circuses.
Plenty of that going around.
I think T.S. Eliot said somewhere something like:
Distracted from distraction by distraction.
It's not the real thing; although I'm certainly happy that "everybody's happy."
Actually it's Lama's Boy, not lama's fanboy.
The point of what I was saying is that everyone experiences suffering in life, just as the Buddha taught. Many people deny it, however, and that's just sticking your head in the sand. Suffering is reality. No one escapes it.
Palzang
With Metta,
Todd
LOL! Sorry abt the "fanboy".
Though somehow I feel my question hasn't been answered.
Thanks.
I don't think the survey is based only on answers from rich and famous citizens - a regular quantitative survey is carried out with preferably 1000-1200 people from different walks of life to be representative of a populace - we aren't that different from each other. I don't think there's reason to suspect that that procedure was abandoned in this particular survey.
Instead of being insulted that non-Buddhists can be satisfied and look for all possible and impossible reasons for why and how they have mislead themselves into thinking they're satisfied, we should be glad that most people seem to be pretty OK in their lives..
Happiness is a highly subjective concept. In order to discuss whether or not someone is "right" about being truly happy both of you would need to have the same concept of what happiness is, which, in my opinion, is a bit far fetched. If you read the sutras you will notice that the Buddha usually explains what he means when talking about suffering and other abstract concepts, as to avoid confusion, but even the Buddhist concept of suffering is just another concept. It doesn't invalidate other takes on the subject.
Lots of people could argue that happiness is having more ups than downs, and being generally peaceful for the most part. No buddhist should judge that as bad.
Besides, just as there is Freeing Truth so is there Blissful Ignorance.
If you ask people if they are happy they will tell you yes.
If you ask people if they are suffering they will tell you no.
But if you ask people if they are suffering, defining suffering as samsara or dukkha, they will say yes.
So I have come to the happy conclusion that indeed we are happy while we suffer.
The happiness we have makes it easier to ignore our suffering. That is why it is good to have and talk about our encounters with sickness and death the way Palzang, Brigid, and others did. It reminds us that even though we are happy, what we should be is grateful and hard at work ceasing the suffering.