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How to forgive
Interested in hearing people's thoughts on forgiving others who have hurt or betrayed you. While intellectually it's seems clear to recognize that the suffering of the other and know that should want to help them in their suffering, it is hard to let go of anger and resentment, feel the sadness and move on. Any thoughts?
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I'm talking about murderers, child abusers, pedophiles, rapists etc...
When you understand and see that they are no different than you and me, when you see that the only difference between them and you is that they got unlucky and unconsciously nurtured the wrong seeds that became deeply rooted trees, which produce fruits of anger and suffering, you understand that they are, as well, victims.
Same goes for people who did things to you.
As for this, perhaps when you understand that by indulging in anger, sadness etc... you are nurturing a tree that will grow and produce fruits that you might not like, it may become easier to let these emotions go and stop doing this to yourself.
When we feel hurt or betrayed, the regular response is to withdraw and barricade ourselves from them (a protective technique), or to feel anger or resentment (another protective technique). Forgiveness does not seem to come naturally ... yet it is the only response which allows us to feel comfortable.
So I would say that "self-love" and the wish to feel comfortable becomes a motivating factor.
In a Buddhist light, however, we are best able to forgive by allowing ourselves, even opening ourselves, to our feelings of hurt and betrayal and sadness. But rather than hanging on to them and building them up, we let them dissipate like smoke. It especially helps if we remind ourselves that, just like us, that person is only trying to be happy ... then we have the start of building compassion for them.
It can be an on-going struggle if that "offending" person is family or a co-worker -- because they keep on doing the same things, it is hard to make peace with them and forgive them. Oh, I know. Because these people repeatedly present us with the challenge to learn how to open up to ourselves without attachment or aversion, they are our (like it or not) excellent teachers.
Family is the woooorst ;-\
If they put you in situations where you have to face, and eventually conquer your conditioning that lead you to react with anger, annoyance or whatever unskillful emotions; then they will have help you progress on the path to freedom from suffering.
You know, the important thing is a lot of the time the punishment is totally disproportionate to the crime itself. A LOT of grief would be avoided if people didn't make mountains out of molehills. Case in point, in one of my local public houses a lady accidentally spilled cigarette ash on a man standing next to her. The man was so angry he glassed her... really horrible thing to do.
I just don't understand why some people are so miserable and petty in these fat times. People in general can be so irritable and nasty, but anyway, most of the time peace ensues.
Recently I worked with this guy and he was nasty, and provocative and insulting and drunk on the job. He came around eventually, and now things are back to normal again. It's not like he shot me or anything, he called me a few names and there was a little hostility but hey ho...
life is too short to be miserable. A good attitude goes a long way, and helping people to get along, well infinitely better for yours and my mental health.
I like the idea of separating the intellectual "I should forgive" with the full picture of where we actually are. Until we are ready to forgive and thus to let go of the betrayal, anger, hurt, jealousy, etc. then it is not feasible to expect more than what we are able to do.
That being said, there are many benefits to working WITH our hurt, especially in our sitting practice. Where does this hurt come from? Why does it linger? What are my reasons for holding onto it? These are very important things to investigate, because the truth in those answers are the key to our letting go.
A long time ago I felt betrayed by a woman. It dominated every waking (and most sleeping) moments of my life. I could barely breathe from the weight of my hurt. But it was very good for me to go through this experience as a young man, because it helped me to understand where that energy was coming from, and exactly what the ego was up to, and why! When we are young and absolutely saturated with ego delusion, we are innocently narcissistic. As we grow in wisdom, we realize that we are still quite narcissistic, just not as innocent anymore! That is our opportunity to see "Mara" for the demon he is, and eliminate the head game. Thus, even if we are not eliminating "the second arrow wound" of emotional reaction entirely, at the very least, the impact of that pernicious dukkha is greatly diminished in strength and power over us!
As such, I sometimes ponder how I would react today to those same events (like betrayal) that seemed so outrageously unfair some twenty plus years ago, and I'd like to believe my Buddha nature to be more on the front burner of my consciousness...in fact, I know it is! Nevertheless, it certainly doesn't mean that I am immune to hurtful reactions (especially certain fears!), it just means that I know what the ego is up to, and have developed some skillful tools for dealing with it better. In addition to general life wisdom, there are concrete tools like metta and the reading of suttas that aid me. Whenever I am reading the suttas, other bullshit in life comes into a deeper perspective! I find that reading them is, by itself, a type of powerful meditation practice, especially certain suttas!
Those are some ways of not only helping us heal from our hurt a bit faster, but also to employ as a prophylaxis of sorts...inoculating us from the disease of perpetual ego re-birth every time our bread is not buttered on the right side.
Trying to use this "poison as medicine" but it feels impossible at times. Care to share which the readings that you felt were most helpful? I do a lot of reading, having many books (especially Pema Chodron), but am struggling a lot.
Buddhism makes sense to me intellectually, and it fit so fluidly into my life when things were going well (or the way I wanted them to). It is so hard hard when you are blindsided and things no longer make sense.
See Pema Chodren
Perhaps remind yourself, when feeling in pain, that this too will pass.
Instead of focusing on this, focus on your practice and your meditation, go to a retreat etc... This is a problem for those who read too much about Buddhism but doesn't practice much.
It all remain intellectual concepts with no ground in reality.
So you end up doing countless hours of mental gymnastic that are usually completely fruitless.
The middle way is best but If anything, the other way around would be much better if you had to choose.
No reading and only practicing would allow you to progress much better.
your understanding is deep ... and your English (at least when writing about dharma) is most excellent!
I second this with a lot of enthusiasm. Opening your heart is my best way to overcome resentment. And it also helps to know that those who hurt us the most can be our greatest teachers. If you can open your heart to them, your heart is open to all.
Forgiveness may be “down the road a piece.”
Before you save the world, save yourself. : ^ )
What I mean by this is that you should first look very closely at your self, and notice how you are reacting, and how it is affecting you. When you see the pain that you are causing yourself, next go on to think very deeply on why you are doing this.
I don't mean why are you reacting at all. I mean why are you reacting in such a way that causes you MORE pain?
If what you are doing isn’t working for you, it might be a good idea to begin to change it in some small way.
But, it puts you in the drivers seat to take responsibility for how you are feeling.
Blame is a sharp knife that will only cut you more deeply.
Anger won't protect you. It will burn you more deeply.
Forgiveness may simply be a by-product of clear sight, or personal healing.
Peace is a skill,
S9
Mtns
We have certain thoughts in response to someone else's actions. That could be viewed as the karma which their act produced. Its only by the awake quality in us that we find a skillfull way to practice rather than a knee-jerk reaction to retalliat (against them or our loved ones!) or spin off into some way to escape those powerful and uncomfortable feelings.
When we have fully experienced the emotional energy without spinning off into delusional thinking or repressing then we will have peace from that experience. By experiencing the powerful anger that in turns gives us compassion on those who are angry because we know first hand the suffering.
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Why is this person suffering? Is it because he hasn't owned up for what he did?
Many wounds stay forever in your subconscious mind, even if you do not realize it, even if you forgot the situations when it happened, many times the wounds are still there.
Eventually it will rise to the surface of your mind during a deep meditation, and you will have the opportunity to let it go.
There are wounds that can and sometimes do hurt for the rest of your life. The key is to find ways to transform these hurt feelings through healing practices, behaviors, and actions. Sometimes physical, creative outlets are useful (painting, martial arts, music, yoga, gardening) as they provide a way for us to actively work with hurt feelings--to discover what is behind them, and allow the reality to set in that those hurt feelings do not define us!
Metta or Tonglen is a very powerful way to reduce the ego separation of self/other, but not everyone is capable of doing this right away in the midst of their hurt. It is a process. Sometimes we are only able to go as far as conducting metta for a "neutral" person, but not yet ready to do this for a person who we directly associate with our hurt.
To answer "ownerof1000oddsocks" question, the reason we know this particular person is experiencing dukkha, is because s/he is indeed a human being. That is sufficient reason for compassion! Too often we think about this in transactional terms. "He has not yet apologized for his betrayal?" The truth is, this is why some people have such a difficult time doing metta for persons in the "negative" phase of the practice....they get hung up on some negative action the person committed, and then apply ontological (self/being) associations over it, as though who the person is can be equated with something she or he has done. It is not easy to separate this out when the action has left a huge bruise on our own life!
It takes time to heal, yes, but time is not enough...it also takes effort and strength. We have to start with a realistic assessment of where we are right here; right now--what we are capable of doing today. When the pain of betrayal is fresh, just getting out of bed in the morning is an heroic act. :-)
My reason for asking this may seem a bit weird, but bare with me on this. : ^ )
When my father died I was 13 years old, and torn up quite a lot by it. A part of me was angry with him for dying, although even at that young age I realized that was an irrational feeling to some extent.
Yet, at the same time, I could easily forgive him for dying.
Was it because his act was so unintentional that I could do so? Would I have felt the same way, for instance, if he had taken his own life? Would he then have been disserving of some punishment, because of his willful intention to leave me (forever), and the hurt that it had caused me? : ^ (
I wonder how many acts that are carried out, which we call intentional and hurtful are really in the hands of the offender? (You hear about people who beat their kids having been beat themselves as children, quite often.)
Is this any different than our inability to prevent our own feelings of hurt? Taking into consideration all of the multitudinous things that often leads up to any one act, how much is really in anyone’s hands to do otherwise?
The whole thing about karma certainly adds another wrinkle to this story. What if our hurt, any hurt for that matter, is a pay back for a previous hurt we have caused…maybe even to this same perpetrator? Than this would be a little dance of learning, which we the hurt and the hurter were caught up in, together, both learning the same lesson from opposite sides. hummm
Just thinking. : ^ )
Respectfully,
S9
We believe they are responsible for hurting us, responsible for our feelings.
So we want them to pay for the hurt they made us endure.
This is why when we realize that we are responsible for our emotions, and that we have made ourselves suffer the whole time and not the other person, it changes the whole equation.
Yes, but why don’t we think that we should be punished ourselves for feeling hurt, if that is what actually hurts us?
Is it because being hurt gets a pass in our culture?
Respectfully,
S9
I think because once we come to the realization that we are making ourselves suffer and it's nobody else fault, if we really understand the process, we realize that we did not create this suffering on purpose, we just didn't know what we were doing...
at least in some cases... I'm sure at least some people kind of know what they were doing, or at least have this impression, so they will feel like they should punish themselves.
I believe we do like to glorify the role of victim in our culture.
I think this is precisely what Pema Chodron is talking about when she discusses Lojong training and specifically, driving all blames into one. Blaming others, even in a situation such as suicide, by default we (the survivors) become the victim. The one who is morally superior in our own minds. We also place solutions in the hands of others and sometimes, into the hands of those who cannot possibly resolve things for us. (For example, one who has died can not resolve things for us). Does that mean the suffering needs to go on forever?
In blaming others, Chodron states "When we look at the world in this way we see that no one is ever encouraged to feel the underlying anxiety, the underlying edginess, the underlying soft spot, and therefore we think that blaming others is the only way." in her book "Start Where You Are".
Is blaming your dad a way you may have avoided having to deal with your pain S9?
A: Is blaming your dad a way you may have avoided having to deal with your pain S9?
S9: Yes, I think so, because I felt entitled to be protected by my father. So I felt that he had abandoned me when he died.
These feelings of ‘entitlement’ kept showing up even quite a ways into my adult life. Somehow I felt that if I needed something, and someone supplied that something even for a little while, that it wasn’t a temporary and blessed gift, but rather I had it coming to me. It took me some time to start to realize that it was up to me to supply what I couldn’t, for one reason or another, get from others…even love. : ^ )
We must love ourselves and care compassionately for the child that remains living within us, no matter how many years we rack up.
A: I believe we do like to glorify the role of victim in our culture.
S9: Do you think that some of these leanings towards being a good-guy victim comes from the Christian ethos that so many of us cut our teeth on in this culture?
I think sometimes our ego wraps itself in this idea that to "turn the other cheek" is superior to setting up realistic boundaries. But this just allows the other guy to take all of the bad karma on his head. Is that fair?
We don’t do anyone any favors by letting him get away with victimizing us, as bad habits will come home to roost, sooner or later, and if left to grow without any bounderies, it will go on to build a super-highway right into hell (on earth).
Also, I have found myself acting pitiful, if not outwardly, at least in my own mind. Then I came to realize in retrospect that some part of me was wishing for a savior…someone to do it all for me, carry me over that line, and to take responsibility for my well being. Sad but true. : ^ (
A: Pema Chodron is talking about when she discusses Lojong training and specifically, driving all blames into one.
S9: How does one drive all blames into one?
A: The one who is morally superior in our own minds. We also place solutions in the hands of others and sometimes, into the hands of those who cannot possibly resolve things for us.
S9: Yes, especially if the problem IS blaming. Blaming doesn’t solve anything. It accelerates our hurt feelings, and if we aren't careful we may just drowned in them. Blaming also makes us feel helpless to prevent further suffering. Anyone could do anything to us, any time.
When we stop blaming, step forward and take responsibility for our own happiness, it is enpowering.
Moral superiority isolates us from others, because when the ego starts feeding on superiority we can no long deal equally with the person, or persons we are superior to. In this way, we cut ourselves off to some degree from relationships, because any relationship between two adults that doesn’t deal in a mutual fashion is a lesser relationship. This is like stealing from our own self.
Respectfully,
S9
Personally, I find it a lot easier to forgive other people who have hurt or betrayed me after reflecting on how I have hurt or betrayed other people.
Tonglen shouldn't be recommended to everyone even though it is readily available as self- help on the internet. It should be learned and practiced with offline teacher supervision. I have known of cases where sensitive and troubled individuals have got completely carried away into believing that they were actually taking in the suffering and illness of others and then have become very disturbed and paranoid as a result.
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P: I think because once we come to the realization that we are making ourselves suffer and it's nobody else fault, if we really understand the process, we realize that we did not create this suffering on purpose, we just didn't know what we were doing...
S9: Yes, you are quite right. The sword of discrimination cuts two ways. It cuts away our hurt, and it cuts away our blame. We also need no longer hurt another to find balance, nor hurt our self for being seemingly weak and open to being that hurt. It stops the negative judgments that are flying around like crazed bats in our heads.
I think that Radical Honesty with our selves is a form of salvation.
Friendly regards, : ^ )
S9
Absolutely. Good guy/bad guy mentality, John Wayne riding into the rescue. I think many people in this society buy into this stuff. Rather than live in a harmonious and wise way, we would rather kick in the door and beat up the bad guy. Unfortunately, sometimes this good vs bad mentality, creates some bad people and I do mean bad. Super highway to hell is a great metaphor for the mess.
Pema Chodron describes it this way "Drive all blames into one is a healthy and compassionate instruction that short-circuits the overwhelming tendency we have to blame everybody else; it doesn't mean, instead of blaming the other people, blame yourself. It means to touch in with what blame feels like altogether. Instead of guarding yourself, instead of pushing things away, begin to get in touch with the fact that there is a very soft spot under all that armor, and blame is probably one of the most well-perfected armors that we have."
I take this to mean tune into the guilt one who is blamed feels.
She further states "Strangely enough, we blame others and put so much energy into the object of anger or whatever it is because we're afraid that this anger or sorrow or loneliness is going to last forever. Therefore, instead of relating directly with the sorrow or the loneliness or the anger, we think that the way to end it is to blame it on somebody else."
She also says "'Driving all blames into one' is saying, instead of always blaming the other, own the feeling of blame, own the anger, own the loneliness, and make friends with it." "Use the Tonglen practice to learn how to be gentle to all that stuff".
Yes, absolutely true. We let our anger and self-righteousness destroy any possibility of any kind of relationship over and over again. The antidote is compassion.
Namaste
As Aj Chah said,
"The noise doesn't disturb us. It is we who disturb the noise"
How true.
As the playwright Terence put it, Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto ("I am human and I deem nothing of the human condition alien to me")
Jason: this is precisely how I have come to understand the process of forgiving: by noticing that, however inhumane or abhorrent the behaviour, I can find a small 'seed' of it in myself. The only difference is that I haven't watered and fed that seed.
This is the real meaning of Bunyan's statement that "there but for the Grace of God go I." Once we realise that we are capable of being quite as horrible as the other(s) and (important this) having examined ourselves with benevolent compassion, we can engage on the path of forgiving.
It is, of course, not easy, nor a matter of moments but it is essential on the Path.
We really need to look at the big picture and see that this life is just one little blip in a long continuum and that things that happen seemingly for no reason can have their causes in lifetimes beyond our memory. The answer then is not to blame others but to examine our own minds and our own behavior. That is all we have control over anyway.
Palzang
AB: We would rather kick in the door and beat up the bad guy.
S9: I think as tuff’ as we are with the other guy, we are really much tuff’er with ourselves. This is because we hold ourselves to a much higher standard (even though from the outside it looks like we give ourselves a pass. Don’t be fooled.)
We will often not allow ourselves anything short of perfection. (Which by our narrow definition of perfection is impossible, or a set up for failure.)
Blame is just a symptom of sharing some of our internal disappointment in ourselves (self hate) and what naturally follows from that, our rather harsh treatment of ourselves.
How can we love ourselves, when we have let ourselves down more than any other living being…this is like living intimately with the enemy, “Not Pretty.” : ^ (
AB: Instead of guarding yourself, instead of pushing things away, begin to get in touch with the fact that there is a very soft spot under all that armor, and blame is probably one of the most well-perfected armors that we have."
S9: Perm is quite an intelligent and practical lady, and says it so well. Thanks for sharing. : ^ )
Let me add what I am thinking to that wisdom.
Don’t you think that our invulnerability lies in understanding that it is only our conceptual self (Aka our ego ‘story’ self) that can be hurt by what others say, and do to us; a self image thingy? (Let us remember that I am not my body, I am not my thoughts, and I cannot own anything indefinitely... and accept these details.)
Much of our vulnerability comes back to both fear, and the fear of fear. Much of what ends up hurting us is first accepted by us, and then turned against our very self, like a defective weapon living right there inside of our fallacious armor with us. : ^ (
AB: She also says "'Driving all blames into one' is saying, instead of always blaming the other, own the feeling of blame, own the anger, own the loneliness, and make friends with it." "Use the Tonglen practice to learn how to be gentle to all that stuff".
S9: I wonder too if we don’t emphasize the affect way out of proportion, thinking the effect comes directly out of it.
What I mean by this is that we de-emphasize the actual cause or the roots of our suffering. I believe that if we keep on being hurt by this and that over and over again, we should begin to suspect that the cause lies deeper within us than what may well be the key that merely unlocks the door to the room of that hurt and once again lets it escape into our lives and cause havoc.
AB: Yes, absolutely true. We let our anger and self-righteousness destroy any possibility of any kind of relationship over and over again. The antidote is compassion.
S9: When you realize that one of our deepest fears is the fear of being (completely) alone, you have to wonder why people build such self-defeating huge walls around themselves to be safe…
Would that not be ‘Safe’ to be in one of the situations, which we fear the most? Bad Idea!
: ^ (
Namaste,
S9
Always nice to see you show up, with your well-intended wisdom. : ^ )
Just curious about your take, and so had to ask, “How does free will of this sort (that you allude to) live along side of no-self,” in your opinion? This has always seemed rather paradoxical to me.
I know this is a big monkey wrench thrown into the works, S9 smiles innocently.
But I am just wondering how tradition thoughts approach this. (Absolutely no offence intended.) : ^ )
Juggling ideas…and trying not to drop some, isn’t always easy. : ^ )
Warm Regards,
S9
While I believe in the Buddhist teachings, sometimes I feel like it is too hard. I am not that person. I can apply them in everyday life but someone bothers me in traffic or cuts in front of me in line or when daily things don't go my way. But when my husband betrays me in the worst way and then asks for forgiveness, it feels impossible at times and is exhausting all the time.
Soon before this happened, I would say I was more prone to jealousy, suspicion and anxiety. But I had been studying Buddhism for a while, meditating and really felt myself letting go of those negative ideas. It was as I was more trusting, less suspicious that he betrayed me. My inclination now is to return to the place of fear where I existed before this happened. I have this crazy notion that somehow maybe I could have stopped it had I been more fearful.
Sorry for the rambling. Ignore if you like, I realize it is not all that philosophical. Just have a storm brewing.
Most of the time it is our fault, when thing go wrong, but what we can't control is when someone else decides to do what they want. It's usually their way at your expense. If it's money someone has stolen and you don't go and try get it back, most people will feel crap about themselves for doing nothing. The natural thing to do is to pass blame, which is more wishful thinking, as in 'I wish you would give it back'. If it's a mental harm, there's no taking back, so for many people the wish will be 'I want you to feel sorry; I want you to apologise; I want you to understand that you've done me wrong.
Another approach is more self righteous thinking, where suddenly you're the one who came out on top with superior morals. They're the one who is suffering for it, and if they're not now, they will be.
Maybe, you can, as has been suggested 'make friends' with the feeling but it's far better to stand up and do something about it. I won't stand for bullying or bad behaviour if I can do something about it. For the most part there's a lot of passiveness and learned helplessness, especially in a crowd situation because no-one takes responsibility.
I can't be arsed feeling crap about myself anymore. If I'm judging myself and calling myself a coward, rightly so, when the situation calls for it change it, or sit there sulking and brooding. When it's too dangerous, no sweat, I definitely can't do anything about it.
If I misunderstand or I've got a poor attitude so be it, maybe I've not practiced enough or understood enough to give my opinion here, but for what it's worth that's the way the cookie crumbles.
It isn't hard at all. It is downright impossible!
I think this also includes taking on things like forgiveness. We have to first forgive ourselves for things we have done to others and oneself...to "empty" out those feelings we continue to carry in the heart. An empty mind is a humble mind because we understand exactly how suffering and dukkha work...it is carried in the mind, and we have first hand evidence through our meditation practice that no one...absolutely no one, is better at carrying around delusional foolishness than I am!
This self-forgiveness and letting go ABSOLUTELY DOES make it much easier to forgive others. There is a very practical reason why Metta begins with offering loving kindness to "positive" persons and to oneself first before progressing through the continuum of more challenging targets.
You can always do something about anything, but with some insight you just spot taking it so seriously and don't worrying too much about the outcomes.
5B: How in meditation or otherwise to get to the "soft side" of anger, resentment and agitation?
S9: I think that the "soft side of anger/resentment/agitation" is to let them go. We practice this in meditation…putting our mind elsewhere. It trains our mind to let negative thoughts go, eventually, when we are not sitting on the cushion.
That is why meditation is called practice, because we are developing a skill, 'Skillful Means.'
We are not going to become an angel over night just because we flap our arms (human wings), very rapidly.
: ^ ) This will take both time and persistence on your part. But, what is the alternative, to stay right where you are in pain and suffering?
Intimacy requires endurance on everyone’s part. It isn’t easy for anyone, because we all are imperfect.
Intimacy, truth be told, probably isn’t worth it. But, most of us require intimacy in our lives, much like food and air, so what choice do we have?
If you run away from this relationship and into another one, I can guarantee you this. No intimate relationship will come easy. They all ask for their pound of flesh, and suffering. But, that is why joy is both difficult and rare.
That being said, often a little vacation from each other goes a long way towards clearing the air. Living without him may point out to you that living with him, albeit an imperfect person, may be less painful than going it alone, and for him too.
This worked in my marriage some years back. We both learned to appreciate each other all over again, and more than ever.
We take so much for granted that we sometime (often) miss out on the big picture, and what we have. Maybe your husband has learned this?
And:
We never realize how much we have contributed to someone else’s bad behavior, because so very often what ends up happening comes out of the mix of both of you. Did he leave, or did you push him away, is often asked in a psychiatric setting.
Very often, what happens isn’t malicious, so much as unskillful, or a direct byproduct of immaturity. Intimacy calls for GROWING together, and growing pains.
I think it is good for you to ramble until you grow tired of it, and can than move on. Are you both talking about this together, and looking for a solution beyond placing blame? Sometimes professional counseling (if you can afford such a thing) gives you a third objective party in these discussions. Some people say it has helped them to get unstuck.
Peace is a skill.
S9
-Ghandi
Sitting around with anger is still one of the worst things sky dancer could be doing.
Yes but meditation will eventually lead her to great realizations that will free her of her suffering, and she will have peace.
Sky dancer, I've met a few people who have had similar experiences, abused by their parents, husbands etc...
Many have overcome this with Buddhism.
Perhaps this is not hitting home for you?
By overcome i do mean completely, it is not there anymore, it does not hurt anymore, and you do not miss the feelings, have any resentments whatsoever, truly.
I say this because first, I do not know what is your understanding of Buddhism, but many here, including the OP of this thread, seem to understand Buddhism as somewhat of a collection of "feel good" figure of speech, like things to repeat yourself when you feel a certain way,
or like the OP stated, things to calm herself in a traffic jam.
Yes you can use Buddhism like this but Buddhism is truly far deeper than this, true freedom from suffering, entirely, even if terrible things have happened to you, unspeakable tragedies, being completely and truly free from suffering of any kind is awaiting for you.
In fact, if you are confident, it's not only possible but it's only a matter of time.
Absolutely true, but possible misinterpretation. Did your lama say this?