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Anger Management
Yesterday I took my car out to go get gas. First I noticed when I walked into the garage that it was filled with gas fumes. Not a good sign. But optimistically I got in and headed for the station. At a major intersection it died. I started it again and it got me across the intersection. My fear was rising. Everybody knows that kind of fear from their car dying. Then it died again. "O no"
I'm like only one block from the gas station. I prayed and then I started it again. It started again and I coasted my way into one of the pump stations. Relief flooded. So I get out my credit card and do all the crap then picked up the pump hose, stuck it in and began to fill it. I got about a cupfull and it quit.
Now my anger and disgust began to rise. I grabbed my purse and ran into the store to tell the poor girl that pump 2 didn't work. So she ran my card for 15 dollars. So she said she had reset it. so I ran outside and tried it again. Nada...Not nothing.
GRRRRR.....Then a couple pulled in on the other side and couldn't get it to work either. So she sent her husband in to the store for help.
Here the poor counter girl comes running out to the pump station with him. She comes to mine first and asks what grade do you want. I pointed to the cheapest unleaded. So she walks over and lifts the handle.
I'm like DUH! I look over at the girl on the other side and...just as I suspected.....she's a blond too. (lol)
So I got all filled up and my purse was sitting on the trunk of the car. I reached over and picked it up and didn't notice that the zipper was open and it was upside down.
Everything in it fell around my feet. AARRGGGG! I was seething mad now. So I squated down to pick all my crap back up and stuffed it into my purse.
Only when I got in my car did I have time to think about it. It took me awhile to calm down. So I decided "Ya know....the way this day is going I think I'll just go home before somebody rearends me at a traffic lifht.
So defeated....I went home.....and was glad of it.
I'm like only one block from the gas station. I prayed and then I started it again. It started again and I coasted my way into one of the pump stations. Relief flooded. So I get out my credit card and do all the crap then picked up the pump hose, stuck it in and began to fill it. I got about a cupfull and it quit.
Now my anger and disgust began to rise. I grabbed my purse and ran into the store to tell the poor girl that pump 2 didn't work. So she ran my card for 15 dollars. So she said she had reset it. so I ran outside and tried it again. Nada...Not nothing.
GRRRRR.....Then a couple pulled in on the other side and couldn't get it to work either. So she sent her husband in to the store for help.
Here the poor counter girl comes running out to the pump station with him. She comes to mine first and asks what grade do you want. I pointed to the cheapest unleaded. So she walks over and lifts the handle.
I'm like DUH! I look over at the girl on the other side and...just as I suspected.....she's a blond too. (lol)
So I got all filled up and my purse was sitting on the trunk of the car. I reached over and picked it up and didn't notice that the zipper was open and it was upside down.
Everything in it fell around my feet. AARRGGGG! I was seething mad now. So I squated down to pick all my crap back up and stuffed it into my purse.
Only when I got in my car did I have time to think about it. It took me awhile to calm down. So I decided "Ya know....the way this day is going I think I'll just go home before somebody rearends me at a traffic lifht.
So defeated....I went home.....and was glad of it.
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Comments
Any time you're in the neighbourhood, pop it through my door.....;)
were you in a hurry to get somewhere?
if so did anger made you get there faster?
or you just wanted things to all work and it wasn't?
so you wanted the weather to be sunny but it was cloudy.
Did anger made the weather change?
not being sarcastic;
just realizing the absurdity of our emotional reactions can help put them in perspective.
When you can look at them with perspective, we can observe the sensations with equanimity.
When you do so, the sensation will eventually dissipate... and so will the emotional reaction will never reappear again
vodka tonic
good mood...good mood
heh heh
However, to be serious, I think Anger Management is a major task, which at times is more successful than other.
Last week, in the night from saturday on sunday, my girlfriend had a serious car accident. She called me up at 03:30 AM, from Mannheim (Germany). She and one of our friends, returned from Italy, but had this major crash.
The first thing I thought, was: *why couldn't you just pick a hotel, when you know you're not that well in driving at night?" and "your accountable for the life of our friend as well, do you realize that!?!". I really got angry about this seemingly (that is: in my mind seemingly) irresponsible behaviour. However, my girl was still on the phone and I succeeded very quickly to let the anger go and focused on their needs. I wouldn't be helpful by letting her down and just stick to my negative emotions. I really learnt a lot that day, by constantly contemplating my thoughts, feelings and actions. It made it less hard to have compassion.
However, each and every single event its a challenge to successffully undergow this process.
@Treeluvr87: it's a good thing to recognize your 'ego' and try not to be judgmental, like Sogyal Rinpoche likes to say. Changing start with getting to know yourself. Its a good thing.
Luckily, I think I've been "mellowing out" a lil lately.
the faucet pourring fear into the cup open when certain situations present themselves (or you imagine these situations, makes no differences).
Dealing with the water overflowing (bursts) is necessary when it happen, but turning off the water supply of the faucet (digging up the root) is what will fix the problem.
perhaps try to be mindful of the more subtle sensations in your body when you think about certain things, or when certain situations arises... so you can eventually recognise the root of the anger, observe it, and be equanimous to it...
The art of transforming anger.
http://www.amitabha-gallery.org/pdf/vwl/TransformingAnger.pdf
You are totally right about this. I feel like the anger is just buried beneath the surface, waiting to re-surface in moments of stress. It's always there. It's very deep seeded.
Good analogy. I think there are lots of reasons for my anger to be there, so I really wouldn't know where to start if I wanted to somehow fix it.
Buddha Bee, I've had those days where everything seems to go wrong, and let me tell you, it's not easy to remain calm, focused and present, when those days happen, so I don't blame you for feeling relieved when you finally had the chance to get to the safety of your own home.
I hope next time will be better and easier when you venture out.
Being mindful and recognizing the feeling inside of you and seeing it for what it is (a sensation, a feeling, like your kitchen table, it's not you) is a very good start.
same for me... something is not going on right and I suddenly get very angry.
I have thrown some things in anger over the years, but it's not something I do often.
poor girl. I haven't physically hurt anyone yet and am not planning to do it.
well I'm also trying to control this... cause breaking stuff isn't fun.