Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Nothing -> Personal studies and insight -> Much Partying and confusion -> Hipster Entheogen Enthusiast -> Introduced to Tibetan Book of the Dead and "The Psychedelic Experience" -> Studies of Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Shamanism, the Gamut -> Frustrated with my attachment to and inclusion of drugs in any beliefs I encounter -> Read many sutras culminating specifically in Astasahasrika Prajnaparamita and the Diamond Sutra -> quit weed, cigs, and alcohol to test my willpower and practice the precepts -> Mahayana Buddhism and feeling at peace :cool:
Athiest> agnostic (believing when it suited me for selfish reasons) > the world would be better without religion as its irrelevant and denies clear obvious infallible scientific truth> interest in science and ontology (ongoing) > dungeons & dragons > sci fi / fantasy books > something's not quite right in our standard view of reality (ongoing) > dissatisfaction there's something to be found but I can't find it> anti-capitalist (only recently liberated from this belief) > depression, failure, unemployment, physical sickness, over weight > recovery, employment, continued dissatisfaction > exercise and weight loss > karate (turning point #1, ongoing) > mahamudra meditation (turning point #2, ongoing) > inner peace (as long as Po is not around) > all suffering must be destroyed
1. No religious background
2. Questions of mortality leading to answers
3. 2 years meditation in relative seclusion (dropped out of highschool to get out of the life I was leading)
4. Studying various religions from wicca to voodoo, zoroastrianism to gnosticism...
5. Quantum physics/mechanics and cosmology
6. zen
7. Vajrayana buddhism - Nyingma
8. Profit :P
Art History East and West and also Chinese Culture in college > Break With Reality > Depression > Popular Buddhist Books > Online Study Groups > Lama Shenpen Hookham
From age 0 - 6 I was forced to be a christian, but at age 6 I just knew it wasn't for me and I would refuse to go to church. My parents couldn't take me with me kick and screaming. I have simple partial left temporal lobe epilepsy. These seizures are very unique and give occasional spiritual experiences. All through elementary school I was an atheist. Then in middle school I was a pagan. I observed very heavily what the human race is doing to this Earth and I grew to have an incredible hate for man kind. In 9th grade i was still pagan, but I knew I wanted to be a hermit or monk of some sort. I just wanted to get away from civilization so badly. Through high school I grew more hateful, violent, and dangerous. I became a satanist. I hurt a lot of people very badly mentally and physically. My hate for humans was incredible. I was almost constantly paralyzed by rage. Just looking at a car or other harmful things would make me shake with rage. I dreamed of slaughtering the human race. I committed rape once and attempt of murder 2 times. I was very abusive to my ex girlfriend I was never reported. people were legitimately afraid of me. I had guns and explosives. I was probably the most hated and feared person for many miles around. I do not know how I never was put in jail. Sometimes I feel like I was meant to stay on the out side world so i could grow and learn love. But any way. Once I reached 12th grade I began to see the errors of my ways. After my years of being a terrible person some people still showed me love and forgiveness. I think that is what triggered me to see my errors.(remember that people who have trouble forgiving) After I graduated i took a large interest in shamanism. I began to experiment with hallucinogenics such as mescaline, dmt, salvia, mushrooms, and ayahuasca. I began to meditate. I also studied quantum physics very heavily. In the process of making certain substances I accidentally poisoned my self. I became so sick. I was stuck in bed for months. I was caughing up blood, defecating blood. My blue eyes turned brown with poison. I was sure I was to die. My girlfriend left me. I think at that point I hit absolute rock bottom of depression. I just layed there staring at my ceiling for months waiting to die. Then one day it snapped. If I don't do somthing I am going to die miserable. And at that point i relised happyness is not found in outer sources but found in inner self.Just like that I got my self out of bed and smiled and that smiles has done nothing but grown since that day. And in this stage of my life I saw truth. Who I was was completely changed to the opposite. I learned love, compashion, acceptance, and understanding. I made it my goal to make mends with the many people I hurt. Even the people that I committed large crimes towards. And so I did. these people I hurt saw the incredible dromatic change that took place with in my being. Most people didn't even recognize me at first. Going from hate to love my physical appearance changed incredibly. I am now good friends with those that I have hurt. I have no ill thought towards anyone and from what i understand they fully forgive me and love me. I never really looked at buddhism. but one day i got curious and looked into it. i was amzed to find that all the things I have learned were exactly what buddha has tought. I thought to my self.This is no coincidence, the quantum physics i know, and the things I have seen and felt from hallucinogens, the suffering and buddhism all paralleled each other. I now feel my self growing more and more everyday. I spend a lot of time in the woods meditating and when i come to town I like to teach the people hanging out around the park. Its were all the high school kids go after school. They call me the blond Jesus hahaha. But any way, they enjoy listening to what i have to say and I feel I have impacted many peoples lives. I get a lot of people thanking me for helping them open their eyes. I never speak of any religion to them. A lot of youth shutter at the word religion. So I start off with my use of drugs with them and bring it to philosophy. I now am heavily considering leaving home and joining a monastery to further my spiritual path. I am so thankful for finding this path of love. I can not stress enough the power of forgiveness because if I was never forgiven for my evil I think I would be in jail or dead by now. I honeslty am shedding tears of joy right now as I type this. I love you all. here is a picture of were you can see my change.
What an incredible story, finding. Absolutely epic.
I'm so relieved and so happy for you. You did it. You found the way. It's a very good thing you survived that poisoning.
Stay well and thank you so much for posting this. Your unflinching honesty gives it great weight and importance.
Baby>Catholicism>Jesus Freak (high school and early 20s)>Christian without affiliation with any church>No longer Christian but still believed in a creator God with whom I could talk>suffering>more suffering>the breaking point>Buddhism.
Religious skepticism :eek: > Universal free thinker > Buddhism > Universal entity of harmony & bliss and Pureland :cool:
A human being is part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in which they have obtained liberation from the self. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humanity is to survive. (Albert Einstein, 1954)
The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It should transcend personal God and avoid dogma and theology. Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things natural and spiritual as a meaningful unity. Buddhism answers this description. If there is any religion that could cope with modern scientific needs it would be Buddhism. (Albert Einstein)
Buddha's body is always apparent,
Filling the entire cosmos,
Always intoning far-reaching sound
Shaking all lands in all quarters.
Buddha manifests bodily everywhere,
Entering into all worlds,
Revealing occult spiritual power
According to the inclinations of beings.
Buddha appears before all beings
In accordance with their minds;
What the sentient beings see
Is the Buddha's mystic power.
His radiance has no bounds
And his teaching too is infinite;
Buddha children enter and observe
According to their knowledge.
The Buddha's body has no birth
Yet can appear to be born.
The nature of reality is like space:
Therein do the Buddhas dwell.
No abiding, yet no departing:
Everywhere the Buddha's seen;
His light reaches everywhere,
His fame is heard afar.
No substance, no abode,
And no origin that can be found;
No signs, no form:
What appears is like reflections.
Atheist>apatheist>agnostic>Pantheist>Pandeist>*time in religious study where I had no position but looked up several religious texts including Abrahamic texts, European Shamanistic texts, GrecoRoman Texts, Vedic texts, Zoroastrian texts, Baha'i texts, Chinese Traditional texts (including Taoism, Confucianism, Legalism etc.), Japanese Traditional texts, African Traditional texts, Native American codices and texts, Buddhist Mahayana and Theravada suttas, and Theosophic texts>Gnostic Alchemist>Buddhist>Palyul lineage of the Nyingma tradition of Tibetan Buddhism>Classical maha vihara Theravada Buddhism> ??Considering the Thai Forest Tradition.???
Could you talk more about the time you were sick? What was going on for you mentally and emotionally that lead up to the change? And what was the process of the change itself like?
Could you talk more about the time you were sick? What was going on for you mentally and emotionally that lead up to the change? And what was the process of the change itself like?
Buddha bless,
Conrad.
It is a little hard to recall. But I remember just laying there days on end. Why did she leave me, how could she leave me and not even answer my calls when I am likes this.What did I do. I had a shotgun next to my bed . Somtimes I would just hold it thinking about ending it . Just starring down the barrel. I accidently left a part of the story out. This was a different girl friend then the one I said I abused. i actually treated this one well. And temporarily I thought I found what is happiness in her like most people do with their partner. And when I got sick i was actually ok with iot because I thought I had her to comfort me through it. But when she left me everything crumbled.There was no happyness, just me and my tormented thoughts. It took a few months of laying there. I don't remember exact thoughts that lead up to it but it litterally just clicked. I was never actually truly happy with her. I was attached to her. I saw being in love is an attachment. I saw real love is unconditional and not belong to only one person but all there is..I realised I could do this on my own. True happyness is inside me. And just like that I felt love for everyone and everything. I have been single and celibate since. I don't see a need to have a partner. I get great satisfaction out of just being around strangers or even just being alone. I hope I answered this well. I just woke up. If I did not cover something please ask
EditL I forgot to say what the process of change was like. Its hard to explain but it was like a door opened to a new realm. And when I stepped through it I came to a whole new higher state of mind. Instead of thinking much i began to observe. Instead of talking much i began to listen. i became so much more aware of everything. I developed extra sensory perceptions. I can feel peoples emotions when I am with them.
Hindu Dharma ~> Materialism ~> Agnosticism ~> Buddha Dhamma
The only Buddhist centre anywhere close to where I live is an NKT one called Mahasiddha Kadampa Buddhist Centre. As my practice is mainly Theravadin, I learn and practice on my own. I'm new to Buddha Dhamma - two years come January 2011. Quite content with my progress - but still trying to come to grips with Dependent Origination - not surprised though, considering that even advanced practitioners hold differing views. As Cloud said: "Practice, practice, practice"
You know, HHDL has said many times that Buddhism is the perfect religio-philosophical system for marxist countries. Mostly he said this back in the 70's/'80's, when he was hoping to encourage ties with Russia to offset the power imbalance between Tibet and China.
ME: "generic" Buddhism (the basics, at a very early age)----> Tibetan Buddhism
> ?
It's interesting so many had experiences with psycadelic drugs prior to Buddhism. I actually had my only trip with mescaline a few month before deciding to study buddhism. The trip was horrible, but luckily it pushed my mind in the right direction to resent my earlier pop culture, music addicted, computer game addicted, alcohol (I never liked alcohol in the first place) consuming and egotistical environment (such as most youth). Although drugs are a no no after you awaken to the path.
I am glad I found a Sangha teaching Humanistic Buddhism which alot of emphosis on Chan and pureland.
Barely practicing christian>>>>>>christian>>>>>>>messianic jew>>>>>>>nearly converted to orthodox judaism>>>>>>agnostic>>>>>>>>hardcore atheist>>>>>>>free thinker>>>>>>buddhist>>>>>>>now, i'm back to being a free thinker, heavily influenced by taoism and buddhism, into new age spirituality to a degree
I'm not going to get into my whole lineage, but here's what I feel most in my current practice (in no particular order): Dzogchen <-> Nyingma <-> Kagyu <-> Gelug <-> Zen
Non-Denominational Christian --> Novus Spritus Christian --> Agnostic-Theist --> Interested mildly in Wicca and Magic --> Agnostic-Atheist --> Zen Buddhist/Taoist (to an extent).
Everyone has a personal spiritual lineage: The path of teachers/teachings that has brought them to wherever they happen to be at the moment...
1. mennonite farm girl 2. charismatic rural wife and mom 3. non-denominational person starting to think freely, as I moved away from home state 4. vineyard/toronto blessing, morphing out of organized religion 5. emergent church - mostly online instead of face to face church 6. universalism in philosophy, no official affiliation, morphing to urban life 7. really don't know anymore, and it doesn't matter! i like everybody.
its interesting to me how much my religion was connected with the culture that surrounded me ... it's not a separate thing in our lives.
Comments
Cheers, WK
2. Questions of mortality leading to answers
3. 2 years meditation in relative seclusion (dropped out of highschool to get out of the life I was leading)
4. Studying various religions from wicca to voodoo, zoroastrianism to gnosticism...
5. Quantum physics/mechanics and cosmology
6. zen
7. Vajrayana buddhism - Nyingma
8. Profit :P
What an incredible story, finding. Absolutely epic.
I'm so relieved and so happy for you. You did it. You found the way. It's a very good thing you survived that poisoning.
Stay well and thank you so much for posting this. Your unflinching honesty gives it great weight and importance.
Baby>Catholicism>Jesus Freak (high school and early 20s)>Christian without affiliation with any church>No longer Christian but still believed in a creator God with whom I could talk>suffering>more suffering>the breaking point>Buddhism.
Now happy.
A human being is part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings as something separate from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. The true value of a human being is determined by the measure and the sense in which they have obtained liberation from the self. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if humanity is to survive. (Albert Einstein, 1954)
The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It should transcend personal God and avoid dogma and theology. Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things natural and spiritual as a meaningful unity. Buddhism answers this description. If there is any religion that could cope with modern scientific needs it would be Buddhism. (Albert Einstein)
Buddha's body is always apparent,
Filling the entire cosmos,
Always intoning far-reaching sound
Shaking all lands in all quarters.
Buddha manifests bodily everywhere,
Entering into all worlds,
Revealing occult spiritual power
According to the inclinations of beings.
Buddha appears before all beings
In accordance with their minds;
What the sentient beings see
Is the Buddha's mystic power.
His radiance has no bounds
And his teaching too is infinite;
Buddha children enter and observe
According to their knowledge.
The Buddha's body has no birth
Yet can appear to be born.
The nature of reality is like space:
Therein do the Buddhas dwell.
No abiding, yet no departing:
Everywhere the Buddha's seen;
His light reaches everywhere,
His fame is heard afar.
No substance, no abode,
And no origin that can be found;
No signs, no form:
What appears is like reflections.
- Avatamsaka Sutra p. 164-165
Could you talk more about the time you were sick? What was going on for you mentally and emotionally that lead up to the change? And what was the process of the change itself like?
Buddha bless,
Conrad.
It is a little hard to recall. But I remember just laying there days on end. Why did she leave me, how could she leave me and not even answer my calls when I am likes this.What did I do. I had a shotgun next to my bed . Somtimes I would just hold it thinking about ending it . Just starring down the barrel. I accidently left a part of the story out. This was a different girl friend then the one I said I abused. i actually treated this one well. And temporarily I thought I found what is happiness in her like most people do with their partner. And when I got sick i was actually ok with iot because I thought I had her to comfort me through it. But when she left me everything crumbled.There was no happyness, just me and my tormented thoughts. It took a few months of laying there. I don't remember exact thoughts that lead up to it but it litterally just clicked. I was never actually truly happy with her. I was attached to her. I saw being in love is an attachment. I saw real love is unconditional and not belong to only one person but all there is..I realised I could do this on my own. True happyness is inside me. And just like that I felt love for everyone and everything. I have been single and celibate since. I don't see a need to have a partner. I get great satisfaction out of just being around strangers or even just being alone. I hope I answered this well. I just woke up. If I did not cover something please ask
EditL I forgot to say what the process of change was like. Its hard to explain but it was like a door opened to a new realm. And when I stepped through it I came to a whole new higher state of mind. Instead of thinking much i began to observe. Instead of talking much i began to listen. i became so much more aware of everything. I developed extra sensory perceptions. I can feel peoples emotions when I am with them.
I don't know if it seems similar to you, but I mention it in the event it's useful to you somehow.
Buddha bless,
Conrad.
Fluctuated on the rebirth issue, back and forth, then in-between where neither belief nor disbelief.
Only way to fly.
It would've been nice to have a teacher, but don't need one now.
The only Buddhist centre anywhere close to where I live is an NKT one called Mahasiddha Kadampa Buddhist Centre. As my practice is mainly Theravadin, I learn and practice on my own. I'm new to Buddha Dhamma - two years come January 2011. Quite content with my progress - but still trying to come to grips with Dependent Origination - not surprised though, considering that even advanced practitioners hold differing views. As Cloud said: "Practice, practice, practice"
You know, HHDL has said many times that Buddhism is the perfect religio-philosophical system for marxist countries. Mostly he said this back in the 70's/'80's, when he was hoping to encourage ties with Russia to offset the power imbalance between Tibet and China.
ME: "generic" Buddhism (the basics, at a very early age)----> Tibetan Buddhism
> ?
I am glad I found a Sangha teaching Humanistic Buddhism which alot of emphosis on Chan and pureland.
Was an interesting read.
2. charismatic rural wife and mom
3. non-denominational person starting to think freely, as I moved away from home state
4. vineyard/toronto blessing, morphing out of organized religion
5. emergent church - mostly online instead of face to face church
6. universalism in philosophy, no official affiliation, morphing to urban life
7. really don't know anymore, and it doesn't matter! i like everybody.
its interesting to me how much my religion was connected with the culture that surrounded me ... it's not a separate thing in our lives.